Euphoria tinged with despair...

Where love and obsession combine, what it feels like for me to have strong feelings for someone, in my typical Borderline obsessive way.

Just a sign of you is enough to pique my energy.

A green dot next to your name.

I have to be careful, I have to control myself, withdraw, pull back.

I want to be all "Hi, hi, hi, hi, here I am, pay attention to me, recognise me, acknowledge me, love me!"

But I can't do that now, can I?

I try to bide my time. Five minutes now seems like an eternity.

No messages. Eh.

You'll never say it in exactly those words, but I wonder why the hell you haven't told me to piss off.

I know it'll probably not elicit the same reaction in a month or two...

My soul inevitably crushed by the realisation I just don't want to dawn.

But for now I'm euphoric, living with some sort of misguided hope

A kind word can send me soaring, living on a high the strongest drugs could not aspire to replicate.

A lack of response...well...I start to panic, trying to grasp onto reason, clutching and failing

They're ignoring me. They don't want to talk. They don't like me.

I overthink and I'm stuck in that rut for the best part of a day or two...

This can and will repeat, time and time again

Slowly all the hope will wane from me...until I barely even notice their presence anymore...

Whereas one time, I needed, craved, their approval, it seemed to be as necessary as air...

But things change. People change. Life changes.

And nothing can stop it or slow it down.