Untitled

Hopefully going to turn these into lyrics soon. please tell me what ou think as its a work in progress and i would appreciate the crit :)

I watched you hold another,
before you held me in sleep.
I helped you out of a hole
that it seems you were digging for me.

But i wont regret.
Misery wont break me
Because i don't have that much left
and my memory will never for sake me

It is still all in your arms.
Without me.
But you hold all i am.

For love has not blinded me
merely short sighted me.
while sun once pierced through skull and storm,
winters returned without the dawn.

Author's Note

really unsure about stanza 2 and 3. ts hard to put into words.

Reviews

[Ama May Cooper]

Unsure or not this piece speaks volumes i find it hard to picture alongside song, but i feel that depends entirely on the music you pick.
Stanza 1 drew me in and my favorite line "i helped you out of a hole, that it seems you were digging for me" Such simply words so eloquantly used to turn into a very powerful sentance. Perhaps when it comes to love we are merely jumping into a hole ready made. A double edged sword where we feel protected with it in hand and blinded to the fact that there is no hilt and it is merely tearing through our skin on the other side.
Stanza 2 falls a little harder with me, i liked it but i can see what you mean by you feel unsure about it and stanza 3 i think need that fourth line.

You are truely a master of words you end on such a vivid and almost tearful image but i like this one, the power within it and the honesty of recovery
"While sun once pierced through skull and storm" fantastic!

[ATG]

A very well done poem that I think would make a fairly good song. My only recommendation would be to possibly add another line to stanza 3. It is the only stanza without four lines and it feels slightly out of place. But that is a minor complaint at best. Overall, this very well written and enjoyable to read.