Chapter 15: Filler! A Day in the Life of Eugene Erickson

A break from the main plot for a flashback tale of S.H.O.V.E.L.'s CEO.

Eugene Erickson had been having a wonderful day eating caviar and meditating on the balance of good and evil, when a beetle crawled on his leg. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. Today, however, Eugene was feeling a little edgy despite his nice day, so he quickly grabbed a paperweight from his desk and crushed the offending creature.

            Unbeknownst to him, the beetle wasn’t just any beetle; it was a lackey of Super Demon Baby. A state over in Arizona, SDB felt the exact moment the bug died and decided his next target: S.H.O.V.E.L. Headquarters in California!

            This isn’t the point of our story though. The point is Eugene’s wonderful day and the end of life.

            After cleaning up the beetle’s remains, Eugene looked over his collections. There were exactly forty-two of each item, forty-two collections total, and he polished every one of them before heading over to his files. He was following his daily routine with precision, just like every other day.

            He decided to look over the files of a younger generation and noticed two young men that seemed to stand out, both for usefulness and the opposite. The one that seemed much less useful, a hero, was a recently discovered former bank clerk named Vernon Anderson whose ability was endless stamina. Basically, he just wouldn’t run out of energy. The useful one, a villain, had the ability to shapeshift. He was called Anaconda for an event in which he shifted into a snake and strangled someone.

            Noting the way they might complement one another, Eugene placed the files next to each other on the desk. He would try to talk one of them into switching professions soon.

            So anyway, back to the end of life. It was Eugene’s secret experimentation time and he went at it with fervor since this was his favorite forty-two minutes of the day. He’d been working on a tonic of sorts that he figured might possibly cure stupidity in the world! It would raise everyone’s brain efficiency by about twenty percent, and thus hopefully resolving some of the world’s issues.

            Now, what Eugene didn’t know was that when humans consume a mixture of Clorox bleach and jackalope blood, they become infected with a strange, highly contagious disease that can kill them within a week.  This disease can also spread to most animals and has the potential to end all life on Earth in less than two years.  So, unaware that this tonic could bring about the end of the world, he added these as some of the final ingredients to the vial.  He mixed up the fluorescent orange liquid and brought it to his lips.

            Fortunately for the entire world, something interrupted Eugene’s experimentation and prevented him from testing his tonic. 

            The door to his office flew open.  In marched three men in suits who appeared to be triplets, a little girl, and Eugene’s trusted employee Frank.  The hallway behind them was clogged with other people, a few of whom he recognized from the Arizona branch.

            “Frank?” Eugene asked.  “What’s going on?”

            “Yes, Frank,” laughed a deep voice, “tell him what’s going on!”  Eugene looked around, but couldn’t find the source.

            Frank took a step toward Eugene, his purple lips twisted into a slight smirk.  “Control of the League is changing hands.”

            “What?  I created this place, and I will make the major decisions!  The members don’t want a new leader!”

            “Eugene,” said Frank calmly.  “This isn’t optional.  It doesn’t matter what you want, or what the members want.  In a few minutes, you will go out onto your balcony and tell everyone that you are handing S.H.O.V.E.L. over.”

            “But they will fight!  Unlike you, most of the members remain loyal to me!”

            “They can’t fight.  Eugene, sometimes it’s best to just admit you’ve been beaten.  Super Demon Baby has much more power than you do.”

            “Super Demon Baby?” Eugene asked, bewildered by the whole situation.

            The deep laugh filled the room again, and this time it seemed to be coming from somewhere closer.  Frank felt something touch his head and reached up to pull a bug out of his hair.  Then another one.  He looked up to see where they were coming from.

            A disgusting infantile creature stared down at him from the ceiling.  Eugene screamed and the end of life fell to the floor and shattered.

            And that’s how the greatest super villain alive inadvertently saved the world.

Author's Note

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