La Douleur Exquise

la douleur exquise - the heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have.

“La Douleur Exquise”

By: Selene Theia C. Samson

It was the long awaited day that changed my life. The wedding took place in the summer, under a shining blue sky that illuminated the carefully selected pink roses and bright tulips that finished every row of chairs. The seats were full of people, old friends, acquaintances, family�"each and every one of them present for at least one person in particular. The music began to play and the ceremony got right to a quick, prompt start.

Hushed whispers and surprised gasps were heard all around as the door opened, revealing the bride.

She was extremely breath-taking, a white veil obscuring her face, donned in an ivory white sweetheart neckline wedding dress with intricate designs that touched the ground, as her hair cascaded down her back in soft waves.

The white fabric, a stark contrast against her dark tresses, made her look like ethereal, like a goddess.

All eyes were on her as she walked through the aisle, everyone drawn to her petite figure as she gracefully made her way to the altar, where the groom was waiting for her. The groom was also donned in fancy clothing, wearing an expensive-looking white satin tuxedo, his hair neatly slicked back, all prepared for his big day.

He was staring at his bride with eyes filled with love and happiness in his eyes, a wistful smile in his face as he watched as if he was enchanted, at the woman of his dreams. 

The church organs started to play the traditional wedding song, filling the atmosphere with joy and chatter as people wearing fancy clothing exchanged pleasant greetings to each other.

As the woman went to the altar, he gingerly lifted her white veil and made intense eye contact, and it’s as if the world around them didn’t matter at all.  It was like a scene from a movie, except it wasn’t.

This was reality.

It was a wedding but it felt like I was attending a funeral.

"You may now kiss the bride.”

My breath hitched, it was as if time stopped for a moment. Memories came flooding in. I recall the first time we met, how his eyes sparkle like millions of stars in the night sky, how he brushes his fingers through his hair as he laughs merrily, the way he greets me with that cheeky smile of his, his pearly white teeth showing, the faint scent of his perfume that oddly reminds me of sunshine and fresh-scented pine and honey; I could vividly remember the loud pounding of my heart rendering me deaf, my mind racing a thousand thoughts,  the warm sensation tingling within me as he speaks to me with such fondness and familiarity, how his hands fit mine as if it were made just for me. Like my hands were moulded and crafted to fit within his. It felt like bliss, a sweet dream, destiny fate, name it, it was mine, mine to cherish. My passionate heart was beating more and more for this man who fit so well with me.

But I was proven wrong once again. He wasn’t mine to keep. His heart beats for her, and her only.

The feeling in the pit of my stomach rendered me breathless, the heart-wrenching pain coursing through my body threatening me to let it all out as I clenched my chest, letting out shaky breaths, trying to calm myself down.

Where I was standing had a clear view of the altar and even though I wanted to look away during this moment between the newly weds, I forced myself to take a good look and engrave it into my memory, so my feelings will die once and for all.

Their lips lock, symbolizing the new connection between bride and groom and all I can do is sit there and feel a part of my heart shatter in so many broken pieces, relentlessly. I felt nauseous.

So, that’s it. The end.

I shook my head, trying to shake away all depressing thoughts as I desperately tried hard not to cry. My friend nudged me by my shoulder, “Hey, are you alright?”

I sent her a weary smile as I replied curtly, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? My sister is getting married to the man of her dreams.”

A thought then hit me. Maybe it would’ve been better if I haven’t met him. Maybe then I wouldn’t have felt this much pain, trying so hard to grasp something so unattainable. If only I hadn’t been so foolish to fall in love with the same guy my younger sister loves.

But then when I stop for a moment and think about a lifetime where I hadn’t met a guy like him, who barged into my life, uninvited and didn’t even bother take his shoes off�"and I couldn’t for the life of me imagine going back to the life I had without his presence, basking into his warmth�"a life without experiencing the feeling of falling in love, the pure joy and exhilaration filling my senses as he painted my blank canvas with bright, vivid colours. He was like the morning sunrise after dusk, filling up the dark abyss that was me full of blissful smiles and joyous laughter.

Oh, how bittersweet love was. One moment you feel complete, then the next you feel utterly empty. It makes you, but it also breaks you. It’s everything you’d ever want and more, until it becomes something you’d never want to feel.

How foolish I was.

“Hey,” My friend spoke gently, knowingly, as she turns to look at me, “Did you ever regret it?”

I immediately knew what she was talking about.

“I don’t,” I whispered under my breath, my tone hoarse, “But I’m happy for them.”

I know in time I’ll get through it, after all, the dawn is the darkest right before sunrise, and as quickly as it came, it leaves.

Author's Note

this story was created for academic purposes :) please tell me what you think!

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love that your story has a strong storyline that reveals a lesson & some growth in your main character. This story reveals some predictable stuff & some refreshing unique stuff. When you start with "shining blue sky" . . . "pink roses" . . . "extremely breathtaking" . . . "woman of his dreams" . . . I am not very interested becuz this is over-used language. Writers of love stories & poems use this same imagery & it's become so boring & meaningless. But in other places, you know how to write strong original fresh stuff . . . "faint scent of his perfume that oddly reminds me of sunshine and fresh-scented pine and honey" . . . "threatening to let it all out as I clenched my chest, letting out shaky breaths" . . . "who barged into my life, uninvited and didn’t even bother take his shoes off". Suffice to say, more of the original stuff & less of the boring predictable stuff. Another thing I did not like (this is a personal preference) -- describing the wedding as if you're writing a column in a newspaper about someone's nuptials, as if how they are dressed is the whole deal. I'd like to see a wedding described differently for a change . . . show me something that hasn't been written into a million wedding descriptions. Show me the necklace she'd worn since childhood that remind her of someone . . . show me the pocket watch he looks at, wishing his grandfather could be there . . . show things that are DIFFERENT from every other wedding in the world. All in all, this is beautiful writing & a well-organized approach to showing how this turned out to be a lesson for your main character. But don't water down your extraordinary thinking with ordinary imagery (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[moongirl]

Oh wow! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my short story and giving such constructive criticism! It's kind of my first time to post my writing like this so I'm glad to receive feedback. Thank you for telling me the things I need to work on, I really appreciate it a lot!

[Just Kim]

Wow, this is so good, love the detail and imagery you write with.
This write is very strong as well. Very well written.

[Lachimolala]

Hala ang sakit naman :'), anyways nagustuhan ko yung story at yung word of choice ay maganda, maorganize yung pagflow ng story.

[moongirl]

lol tagalog HAHAHHAHA

[Tania Mo]

Nice story. Bittersweet as you say but I like the way you wrote

[moongirl]

Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it :))

[Wild Rose]

I was drawn by the title

Like my hands were moulded and crafted to fit within his. It felt like bliss, a sweet dream, destiny fate, name it, it was mine, mine to cherish. My passionate heart was beating more and more for this man who fit so well with me.

t doesn't say But (It maybe me) it reads as if it was more than holding hands and a kiss

The end of that he belongs to your sis now > Regrets > you say no > It has to be that >

[moongirl]

Thank you for your thoughts

[Mr. D]

The pain of wanting what you cannot have. An ever ready companion to most everyone. But it is better to not have than to have and lose. I firmly adhere to such philosophy. It has served me well.

[moongirl]

Thank you for your insight!

[Mr. D]

Yep. I do not pursue the things others do.