![]() Happiness of YouA Story by seirai
What am I getting myself into? What kind of mess? Such a hard question to answer for myself. But it’s the only one on my mind at the moment, as I look out the window again and sigh. I should be working. I should be drawing this little bit of…failure that I’m going to get done anyway because I promised a friend I would. A friend who wasn’t doing this to me. A friend who I knew I could trust.
Except I’m not working on it. Instead, it’s sitting on the table in front of me, half-finished and has been for a good five minutes. The pencil is still in my hand. I just go on staring out the window guiltily. The computer is sitting on the other side of the room. The messenger window for you is open. There’s a question on the screen. One I haven’t answered and don’t want to. Not yet. I want to return the favor of letting you wait until you can’t stand it anymore, then making you message me again just to get a response. Yet it feels so wrong. I feel nauseous, wrapping an arm across my stomach, wanting to go over there and respond, knowing I should continue trying to draw my own badly-done drawings. I told you the other day that I would let you trust me. After months of telling you not to trust me, you wore me down and I said you could, with another warning that you’d get hurt. Now I just know, I know, I’ll lose you the next time you do get hurt. Because you’ll blame me for it. Because you trusted me. Should I make that now, with something small, so it doesn’t hurt either of us as much? Or should I wait, let it be something big, and have you learn your lesson that I really wasn’t meant to be your friend? I was always supposed to be in the background, after all. The indecision makes me clench my jaw as I look over at the computer. You’ve added something else. You’re not hurt. How much longer without replying would it take to make you hurt? I don’t think I’ll know any time soon, having given up on my other projects for the day to keep you happy with me. © 2010 seiraiAuthor's Note
Featured Review
Reviews
|
Stats
296 Views
1 Review Added on July 12, 2010 Last Updated on July 14, 2010 Author![]() seiraiBeeville, TXAboutI'm a general writer, though I normally lean toward a confessional style, half of which is originally prose that gets converted into poetry. I also have a tendency to fill the role of editor. more..Writing
|