The mad one is in your mirror staring back at you.

Examining how rigid we are in defining stability, norms, and what consists of healthy human behaviour when we fail to realize its all so subjective.

It's funny. Over the years, i've found myself wondering more and more whether or not my lows are considered "normal". I always knew there were parts of me that would never be normal, and in a way I take pride in this flaws. Quirky splotches that occasionally bled onto my generally laid back and composed self - they make me feel unique and for that I am completely unapologetic.

This topic is universal which is why I hold it so close to my heart. Regardless of whether you're from the eastern or western part of the world, single or commited, content or unhappy, a righty or lefty, gay or straight, a chocoholic or a shopaholic - EVERYBODY at least at one point in their lives is faced with this question. I too become consumed with my curiosity over this topic and agonize over each and every imperfection that rises to my consciousness.

I just spoke to Ali last night about this and realized something about my own self in the process of reminding him that everyone is perfect from a distance. It's common sense (which apparently not many people actually have which is becoming apparent at a rapid pace) that the last thing any of us want to do is confront every glitch that causes us to reach whatever level of perfection it is that we hold close to us. As psychologists have explained to us, being the vulnerable, fearful and unstable creatures that we are, we will often resort to defense mechanisms to aid us in accepting reality. When Woman A feels ugly, she'll strive to make everybody around her feel beautiful because she herself feels ugly and does to others what she wishes would be done to her, Woman B may indulge in constant male companionship from a young age to compensate for the lack of affection she recieved from her primary male caregiver just so reality won't make her implode with her loneliness. Even Child A will pretend that he/she didn't eat all the cookies in the jar when mom and dad weren't around because the guilt will be far too much to come to terms with.

So should I really kick my a*s further for kicking my a*s initially by constantly re-evaluating myself, confronting my obstacles, and upgrading my mind, heart and soul? Probably not. I've always noticed that those who seem completely unaware of the most ridiculously obvious flaws seem so impenetrable. They exhibit a fake aura of contentment because they've reached an extent of superficiality that's allowed them to convince themselves that there is absolutely nothing wrong. Some of the most superficial people I have met were those who were so afraid to really come to terms with all that's gone wrong and fix it - they have been in such a rush getting ahead at a pace almost confused with running that they get further away from the real issue in terms of distance, but will be left panting when struggling for air and THAT is when it catches up.

When I see people who have a boytoy on the side while being completely consumed with marriage preperations, I can almost predict flashes of self-loathing that will hit them harder in some empty bathroom at some flashy social engagement that they'll cheesily flash forces smiles at. This addictive habit of living a lie which everyone seems idiotic enough around me to swallow up becomes tiring and creates an envious side in these people that will make them agonize over their what their next move should be to destroy those on the complete other end of the spectrum - those who are honest, content, self-critical and even humble because of these traits.

Entering, abosrbing, and really exploring the darkest and ugliest side of yourself can cause you to even hate yourself. There's been times where i've wanted to give my own self a bloody nose over how pathetic, wreckless and alone I can be - but I know at the end of the day I still had the nerve to magnify what seems so ugly only because the standards of normality are incompatible with my lifestyle. I cannot mindlessly walk through life truly believing that all I have done and all I will do is and will always be okay. I certainly cannot turn a deaf ear to those who kick me in the gut with painful honesty BECAUSE they see me falling into the tempting trap of self glorification. With age should come conscientiousness, and one should allow itself to KEEP learning - there is never an end to growth, it should be an infinite process.

I say kick your own a*s, scream, yell, cry, hate yourself and have the heart to sit there and learn from what stirred up such heart rendering emotions. Im not a depressive mess, unstable, supersensitive or plain schizo. From all that ive learned, one of the best piece of advice I will ever give is to just let yourself experience moments of human weakness. In the midst of the hustle and bustle of everyday life - very few of us take the time to really reflect on what we've learned and what we haven't - and if your soul naturally does so then LET it, it's only peeling off the old and replacing that with the new which is a beautiful thing.