Ah, Sweet Oblivion.

I'm sitting on the second floor of the student center - the hub of buzzing student life on campus. As the loud chatter over who wore what, and how swamped everyone is with midterms becomes almost monotnous, I wonder how many of the people around me really give a damn about anyone but themselves.

 

In a time where society replaces words like insensitive, callous and oblivious with strong, level-headed and cautious, I sort of see how we all slowly slipped into the routine of ignoring the reality that blood runs through the flesh and bones we conveniently turn our heads to.

 

The idea of impenetrable masculinity and "airheaded" femininity streamlines anything real we are afraid to feel, allowing us to blend into all public settings, and the scariest part is, even within the comforts of our homes we are afraid to shake this fear off. We've become so accustomed to superficial connections with a high turnover rate that the idea of concrete connections seems threatening and imposing on the bubble of protection we've created around us.

 

 

 

Don't get me wrong, idle chitter chatter is extremely theraputic and fulfilling enough at times, but it becomes dangerous when this habit becomes an addiction, and begins to bleed into our perception of what reality is. Being the more evolved beings, are we really numb enough to see others fall apart while batting our eyelids in confusion?

 

 

 

Being empathetic, compassionate, sensitive or anything that extends beyond the realms of our own minds terrifies us more than we care to accept about ourselves. Feeling with our minds will get us nowhere, and im finding this ever growing routine extremely boring and offensive.

"Toughen up" is today's motto. Suvival of the fittest baby, the FITTEST. (Fittest - one who is seemingly perfect, numb, an ego maniac afraid to face his/her flaws in the mirror, one in denial yet happy) And what the f**k is humility to any of us? We're all first in line to boast over all of our achievements - papers we refer to as degrees to represent our societal worth, tales of kissing and telling, triumphant one night stands that seemed so innocent (at least from our side - since that's all that matters), and through these words of reassurance it allows us to strengthen the walls of perfection that stand so high and tall, which become uglier as you go down brick by brick on the other side.

I know everybody needs to toughen up to a certain extent for their own good, this world can be a somewhat ugly place and wearing your heart on your sleeve is hardly the message im giving out here, but who the f**k told us to be either hypersensitive or apathetic. Do we really have to choose one as right and the other as wrong? I know on a very general level we tend to be able to function normally with both of these, there are times where we are indifferent to certain situations and other points that seem potentially destructive to our sanity, but why are we so afraid to show our vulnerabilities if they do exist?

Why is everybody so bloody afraid?

I find myself at a faster pace being caught in the middle of conversations where there's blatant disregard for the women present if it's a guy speaking in derogatory terms, and the girls reduce themselves to a few giggles as their face flushes increasingly from the dilemma of whether they should verbalize their discomfort or shrug it off praying it doesn't make them hate the guy. I find girls so often talking about wanting a sensitive man, but when they do find a guy who breaks down and cries and expresses how in love he is with her, she takes 100 steps back and calls him weak and too mushy.

Sensitivity doesn't equate itself to being a doormat. Life exists beyond ourselves and there are loads of others in need - emotional need - which we're all so quick to dismiss.

Im very tired. Sick and f*****g tired.

Oh, by the way, apathetic - a pathetic - geddit! Night children.