Vanessa

To my dear friend who passed away way too early. I miss you.

For seven years, I could call you my friend. It all started when you became my tennis partner, but over time you became much more than that. You became a good friend. We were only 17 but had both experienced far too much in life. Even when I went away for a year, and you didn't play tennis after that, our paths never completely parted. No matter how long we didn't meet, we always picked up where we left off, and I knew that I could tell you everything, and you wouldn't judge. I knew because of your past, you would understand me better than anyone else ever could. You've been through so much in your life, and you never complained. You almost died as a baby because of your heart, you had that huge scar on your chest because the doctors thought you wouldn't survive anyway. You had to grow up without a father and fight anorexia several times. At your first time making love, you were filmed secretly, and it was spread all over the schools. Unfortunately, you had to meet a lot of horrible people in your life, and yet you never gave up. You enjoyed your life. Sometimes I even thought that you enjoyed it a bit too much, but today I know that you did everything just right, as if you had known it. I've never known anyone who's been through so many misfortunes. You fought so hard, and you even survived a coma last year. I had such a bad feeling the days before your surgery, and as if you knew it would happen, after a fall, you started to have the best time of your life once again. You came together with your big love, went together on your last vacation, and got his apartment key. Your mother bought you your dream car, and you were so happy and proud. I am so glad that you could be so happy again before it was all over. So glad I got to tell you one last time in the hospital how much I love you. So blessed I could hold your hand one last time. You will always be a part of my memory; you will always be an inspiration to push even harder. I was always so proud of you and always will be. Your funeral was a very sad day that I will never forget, especially seeing your mother in front of your grave. Saying goodbye to you was really awful, and I was so ashamed that I once almost put my loved ones in the same situation. You always had such a great will, you never wanted to give up. Don't worry, Morle is well, and Lea is taking good care of your mother. Jason and Lea even went on vacation with her. We all imagined your 23rd birthday differently. I'm sorry that I don't go to your grave very often, I just can't. But I promise to bring you a bouquet of your favorite flowers for your birthday every year. Vanessa, I miss you more than words can tell...

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It has been a year since you passed away and I left you flowers on your grave. So much has happened during that year and I still think of you every single week. I am so grateful to have had you as a friend and grateful for what I have learned through you. I miss you and always carry your key with me. I know you never wanted to be physically or mentally handicapped, resisted every rehab. Maybe it had to be this way. A year ago, Lea even wanted to quit her job to take care of you because we didn't know what would happen when you woke up. If you knew what the year was like without you. A pandemic has broken out that has changed everything. But maybe you've seen it from up there. I have moved back home, my apartment is not far from your home. I often drive past the intersection to your house thinking how nice it would have been if we had lived so close to each other now. I am so grateful for our time together. I'm still sad, but it's getting a little better every day, and I know that's how you wanted it to be. What remains forever are our beautiful memories. My mom still had to laugh about how you wanted to fly alone with me on vacation, but I wasn't allowed to, or do you remember how I drove the two of us to the club at night in the Mercedes and how exciting the drive was...haha finally 18. I have so many memories with you before we became so grown up. All our adventures, mistakes, and beautiful days forever.