Buried alive

Nails claw,

fingers bleed,

terror;

brief.

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Paulo

Edgar Allen Poe and Vincent Price is about all I can say.

My gut reaction

James

[Pól]

Thats good enough for me, James

[Frieda P]

This one killed me, I know someone who was actually buried alive as a punishment by a cult family...creepy to say the least....succinct this write, you nailed it!

[Pól]

What happened to him/her!

[Frieda P]

Actually as I write this she's being de-programmed, it's my friend that I met on the survivor site, she calls herself Star, that's the reason why, that night the only thing that kept her going was a single star she could see....

[Pól]

Christ thats some story- she was buried for a whole night? I would have though u would suffocate. What a crazy thing to do

[Frieda P]

Believe me, that's nothing...they gave her some kind of tube to breathe through, she was just a kid then, they didn't want to kill her, just program her....

[Pól]

I hope they are in jail

[Frieda P]

Nope, long story, nobody can touch them it seems....

[Marie]

Sounds like Edgar Allen Poe on speed...

[Pól]

Ha-,brilliant

[Storyworker]

Here’s something that makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the face. It’s quick, it gets to the point, and it packs an emotional punch. I rarely see a huge, impactful moment made in a single word on this website. The title allows the reader to instantly understand what’s happening, which makes “brief” even more effective since the reader doesn’t have to go back and examine the piece. More impressive is the fact that every line is something that a character might do, then feel. “Brief” sums up that timeline, and even shows WHY the poem is brief. I’m impressed by the poem’s ability to put so much quality into four lines. I tried this once, and I think I did a pretty good job, but this poem, as I’ve said before, packs a punch. It doesn’t just say something like mine did, and that’s pretty great. It describes everything you need to know in a unique and effective way. One thing I would look at though is the use of commas. At first you have a list of things that are happening in the first three lines. Then you have something to sum it all up. Does “brief” need to be part of the list by having a comma before it? The punctuation is important to the effectiveness of the story, and it works really well here. Just think about being particular about it. Does “brief” as a description of the whole poem fit with the rest of it? That’s my thought. This is a great piece.

[Pól]

Thank u so much for a great review, storyteller. And you're spot on about the punctuation.

[Storyworker]

Thanks. :)

[Pól]

what do u think of the semi-colon?

[Storyworker]

Wow, I think that's perfect. It connects the ideas before it while still keeping them separate. Nice choice.

[Pól]

thank u