Undone

Opening gambit
drawing touche and thrust
developing in time, a translucent lust.
Plots a thickening, schemes a sickening,
stirred in Machiavelli's pot

Subtle manoeuvres, tentative at first
nothing overt,
a clever ruse offering up sacrifice,
to gain trust.
A wolf in sheep's clothing

Intentions disguised, posing no threat
deception rife, your fate is set
as confidence gaining, the guard falls
and is penetrated, slowly but surely.
Ramparts razed.  Safeguards savaged.  Defences defiled;
the hoar crumbles.


Battle raged, carnage untold
resistance futile, spoils to enjoy, wenches to take
As your treasures plundered, your virtue expugned
You lie there vanquished,
sobbing, panting, ... breathless, mine
Madam, You are Undone.

© Paul O' Neill 2012

Reviews

[lisat]

Its niceto be "undone" every so often.

[Pól]

I'll take your word for it

[lisat]

MMMMM. I like this, a lot. In fact I like it too much.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Paulo this is a usual mix of fantastic writing and great story telling in verse. what a cad!!

[Pól]

love that word

[Circe]

a very interesting read.. quite evocative metaphors used in the psychological warfare.. and you were in control the whole time! brilliantly skilled execution.

[Pól]

Thanks, Goddess

[marlayesterday]

Bravo! I really enjoyed this one as well. Several different things came to mind as I read. Very different life experiences from battles, to being taken, to government spies. Lovely indeed. :)

[Pól]

go raibh maith agat

[marlayesterday]

You are most welcome. :)

[eglantine]

not sure, but sounds like a bit of a rape poem??? or the taking of a woman. I could just be looking too deep, I'm in a bit of a sour mood atm. I'm jsut goign to walk away and come back after I've tucked away some stress.

[Pól]

Its about chess, a harmless game, taken from the world of battle, where in medieval times & sadly much more recenly, the spoils included raping the defeated side's women. I have been thinking a small addition on this point

[Pól]

Like I finished our conversation lately, "always build on your instincts" Oooh Paulo with "au" we should definitely play some chess! lol, amazing whimsical, and mathematical write full of feelers and insight. (a little bit pervers too) just a little ;)

E.L.

[Pól]

Chess-you got it in one!

The chess-queens oculair lol

[Alexandria Reece]

If I were not already afraid enough to trust people, this has done me in! You make the reader feel that sense of helpless openness. I genuinely loved the flow throughout, there's something anxious about it and the crescendo really reinforces the battle-like chaos. There is something Medieval about the wording, perfect in its timelessness though. Thank you for sharing, this is a very good poem Pól!

[Pól]

Thank you so much. You are overly generous, as always

[Alpris]

I like this; you were clever with your words.... particularly 'savaged'. ;)
One of those poems that sound beautiful when said aloud.

[Pól]

Thank you