war

going through the motions

has turned into full on war,

and each time i cross the battlefields,

my head hangs lower than before. 

if i face the day,

i'm met with great fear and shame.

it doesn't matter how hard i try,

it's always the same.

at the end of the day,

when the time has come to rest,

there is little i can do,

to stop the frantic pounding,

of my heart in my chest.

and yet i always try

to wash away the debris,

the sweat and the ash,

of the life that i lead.

Author's Note

this is one of my least favorites of the poems i have written, i'm not sure how i feel about rhyming. feedback would be great.

Reviews

[ANTO]

Stanza 1 = struggle, stanza 2 = struggle, stanza 3 = struggle - final stanza - determination and hope and resilience and defiance which in my book nullifies the first 3 but not in a dismissive way. More in an acceptance of what is occurring - an acknowledgement that all is not well - obvious questioning as to the why and wherefore of this affliction. But again I say the final stanza is H.O.P.E.

The rhyming is fine - artistic license/assonance on one or two rhymes but sound.

[Roshan Nair]

I cant say much about the rhymes or what effect you'd want it to yield here.. but the picture you've painted is very beautiful indeed. Speaks loads about how our everyday existence is no less than a battlefield saga, where wounds and trauma are all too real
Nice work audrey :)