Mountain of the Lord

I saw the mountains sprawl before me

Not one; sole could I have known

Yet, in majesty I did

Gods slumbering upon a throne

My breath left

My eyes transfixed

My mind pled

Up there I need to be and wished

But, for this now I'll settle

Settle for the ground

Thankful for the senses revel

And the mountain's peace which I found

I could have given in to greed

Begun the journey up

Perhaps, my conscience would've been appeased

And the inner voice also calmed

Although today was not that day

Which is why I then removed my pen

Memorialized the moment in such a way

To remember my need to climb will always be my will to live

Author's Note

What do think? Should I have ended this after the third stanza?

Reviews

[DarkTruth]

No I love it I can relate to it and it's everything after the third stanza that makes it relate-able to me at least. Maybe just rearrange the rest?

[Michael G. Smith]

Thanks again. I wrote this while visiting my daughter in Utah. It actually has a double meaning literally to the mountains and spiritually to the Mormon temples.

[Renée]

Love the thought.. I think it is a personal choice on where you would like to end it. Read it aloud that helps me know the rhythm of a piece, and the direction it should take.

[Michael G. Smith]

Thanks you Renee for your insight.

[Bright Ocean Star]

Michael, You could have ended it after the third stanza. That would have been a good place to cut it short, but I don't think the last two stanzas diminished it in any way. It was a beautiful poem. The rhyme scheme and meter seemed good to me. Check the third line in the first stanza, though. I tripped over that one and had to re-read it a few times. Did you mean to use the word 'did'? or did you mean to add a word (a verb, perhaps. like "see"? I don't know. That is the only line that made me stumble. Otherwise, it sounded really good. I like the type and bolding. Nice touch. :)

[Michael G. Smith]

Thanks for the input. Adding "did" does make smoother. Thanks again.

[Bright Ocean Star]

you are welcome.

[Saddam]

The last fifth stanza completes it.
Great and skillful write.

[Michael G. Smith]

Thanks Saddam.

[Saddam]

Welcome always..

[Pushkar Prabhat]

No it would have been incomplete then.....
this is thoughtful profound beautiful......
but above all......honest and personal......
skillfully written.....
i loved it!!!
:)

[Michael G. Smith]

Thanks for your comments.