Another Setting Sun Unloved

Feelings at the end of a day not in love

Further days are passing, lapsing long
Upsetting to unbecoming
At dawn, always loneliness undaunting
That continues on...
By inward breaking in

 

Will it ever come to fruitions mend
The offsetting, untiming, to complete unnerving
This I ask myself, as the sun and I are quickly becoming
Sinking, drowning friends
Deep into each others night of nexus, merciless and unrelenting

 

The drag of it, an exasperating friction exhausting
By this not forgetting, beneath the spotlight of a taunting moon
As too soon, again the beginning
Of, the into giving
Another phase unto going through

 

And hence, once again to my own undoing
Upon this orb I do not move, but yet I am spinning, drifting
With a consequence left of, more of nothing, more
But, creeping cracks eroding, what once was forever yours

 

Of this tattered soul, that now must face its first inquisition heartbreaking
About a love in a tilted world, serendipitous it seems, only when it's still
Or, a branding upon a human’s fragile heart
With "why's" which one will never be fully comprehending
Or rather a hope that may never even be fulfilled

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

"About a love in a tilted world, serendipitous it seems, only when it's still" --great line!

I'm in love with the imagery and the imagination in this piece. I also truly relate to the way that you compare yourself to the setting sun, which is realy that moment when one thing ends and another begins. I find this same thing a common thing in a lot of my writing, the beginning/ending issue, and the "what does it all mean" in relation to me. Nicely written!

[Michael G. Smith]

Thanks Friday.

[Michael G. Smith]

I'm here stuck three states away from home. I am a truck driver and they have been taking the last five hours to repair my rig. I can't believe I've spent all the time on this site, but I like much more than Poetrysoup.

[Pryde Foltz]

But, creeping cracks eroding, what once was forever yours

A heart torn asunder--lovely metaphor. Oh but lost love does cut. Great write.

[Michael G. Smith]

Thank you kind Lady.

[Rita L. Sev]

Great images and deep longing in this piece, Mike.

[Michael G. Smith]

When I first started writing poetry I wanted to see if I could portray past feelings of sadness(this is an early write) I know longer have that urge do to much found hapiness. Thanks for reading.

[Peach]

I love how in some lines there is ALMOST a sense of alliteration within them. "untiming...unnerving"
"exasperating...exhausting" I'm not sure if that was purposefully done, but I believe it added a positive aspect to this piece. I found this to be an intriguing and enjoyable read!

[Michael G. Smith]

Thanks peach. Have a terrific weekend.