15. it takes time to heal

My eyes were heavy as i tried to open them all the way and I was able to hear everything clearly now that i was awake. Logan was standing on the side of me, holding my hands as the doctor and nurses worked my vitals and looked at my eyes. 

I moved my hand from Logan's and looked away from him. 

"Please make him leave." i demanded of the nurses and doctors. Logan looked hurt by my request but left with the doctor as they talked. Kylie was there and came in to see how i was doing, but I wouldn't say anything to her, just stared off into space while she tried to smile around me and feel comfortable but i felt everything that she was feeling as she stood there in front of me. 

"Why are you here?" i asked her, starting to feel the pain in my body and cried out but as she tried to comfort me i pushed her away.

"Rika please. Don't do this to us. We love you Logan has been here every day for the past 3 months. He loves you Rika. Can't you see that?" kylie was crying and the tears wouldn't stop

"Loves me? He shows me love by letting Jason get me? Drug me and take me away?" i asked as my hot tears rolled down my cheek but i kept eye contact with her.

"Rika please don't say things like that. If you only knew what he went through to find you. The sleepless nights, the things he did to find you. My brother almost died trying to find you. you blame him all you want Rika, but he's done nothing but love you from day one and wont ever stop. You are like a sister to me and this is how you treat me?" she was hysterical and going on and off about how they tried to help me and all i wanted to do was slap her, make her look at what that sick b*****d did to me. 

The doctor asked Kylie to please leave and give me some time to come around. That wasn't likely to happen any time soon. 

"Rika there's things  you need to know." The doctor said 

"I just need to know when i can get out of here Dr." i told him and he let out a sigh. 

"Rika please. We all just want to help. If you let me explain what i need to I will sign your papers and tomorrow you can go home." He told me, sitting on the side of the hospital bed.

I nodded my head and he went on to tell me what he needed to and left me alone in the room with the monitors beeping around me, making me feel like i wasn't able to do anything for myself. 

Three days later i was released into Logan's care and he looked pleased with himself about it but his smugness was too much for me to take. I snapped at him, I knew i wasn't myself and this was not who i had ever been. I was never this strong. Some thing or some one had taken over my body and i was trying to get out, trying to tell Logan this was not me in this body. 

Nights were long and i hardly slept for the first three weeks back at Logan's house. I found myself wandering the house place at night, feeling trapped and alone but Logan would find me every time in the library reading the same book and it would be on the same page every time; page 18. I never knew I was reading anything, I was a complete zombie at the time i would wander, almost sleep walking around but i was alert. 

I found myself sleeping most of the days away, it was easier for Jason not to be in my thoughts in the day time so sleeping was the best then and being up at night was when i had to think of something else besides him. Logan tried so hard to help me but him laying with me was the worst; Like i knew he loved me and i wanted him to love me but the other "ME" wouldn't allow it. I had to be strong and get away from this other "ME" and be myself again. Dr. Chance had come over a few times while i was home but i told her to f**k off and this was all her fault. Which it really wasn't but who could I blame? Myself? Logan? for not saving me when Jason had me and took me? Dr. Chance for all this? No one was really to blame that i could think of. It was all Jason and he did this all himself. 

My 23rd birthday was in three days and i saw Logan a few times talking on the phone but every time i came around he would make sure i couldn't hear anything. Why was he doing this? What was he hiding from me and was I going to hate him for this, secret planning. 

I had been in the kitchen fixing myself something to eat when i saw him walk into the room, I moved around him like he wasn't even there when he handed me an envelope. Logan left and i sat down, drinking a soda and opened it up, not sure what to expect what to find inside. 

There were keys taped to the inside of it and a letter to go with it but i didn't read the letter and just took the keys, walking around to find Logan and found him outside in the gardens that i loved so much. 

"Logan? what are the keys for?" i asked as i jingled them in my hand

"Would you like to see?" he asked painfully as i saw the lump in his throat get swallowed

"yes. Would you please?" i asked as i took his arm and we headed to the car and we drove away from his place. 

"Logan? where are we going?" i asked as i sat away from him, knowing i could never heal him from all this. S**t i couldn't heal myself from any of what i had just gone through. Just had to take it one day at a time and maybe one day i could be normal from all this havoc i have been through. The drive was very nice, going through the mountains and hills in the sunlight. The smell of the fresh air made me smile the whole way while we drove. 

"Logan?" i asked 

"Yes Rika?" he looked at me while he drove. 

"I'm sorry." i looked straight into his eyes and felt the tears come down.

"Rika please. Don't be its not your fault." He drove a little further and stopped at a rot iron gate, punching in a code and as it opened up for us, my breath got caught as i went to inhale at the beauty of the giant house that stood in front of us. The grey brick that made the house was so perfectly set and the huge bay window in the front let me see out into the ocean beneath  me. 

"Logan? This place is so beautiful. It's quiet and peaceful up here." i wrapped my sweater around myself and walked up to the front door, the big wooden doors etched in my name.

"i had it built for you while you were in coma. I wanted you to have something that would help you heal. would you like to live here?" he asked me as i turned to look at him. 

i fell into his arms, starting to sob a bit as he held onto me with his big arms. "please Logan don't leave me. i need you." i looked up at him in his arms and touched his 4 week old hair growth on his face. 

"i want you." i told him letting the tears fall from my face.

"then i will stay." he said as he picked me up and we sat on the couch and talked. 

Reviews

[Dark Angel]

I thought there wasn't any furniture in the house? But anyway, I can't believe you made Rika such a b****. I mean, yeah, Logan was there when Jason took Rika, but he had to choose between her dying right then or possibly getting her back later... Also, I've never known a doctor to be that nice to a patient... Just sayin.

[sarah]

awwwwww that's sweet and sad at the same time I can't wait to read more :-)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. I don't blame the poor girl. Went to hell too many times to understand the why's and who's to blame? A very good chapter. You create a strong and powerful story. The characters were strong and the story pace was very good. I like the ending to this chapter. A outstanding story. Thank you.
Coyote