8. Kylie and Ryder come over

My cage was open and i was free to go, but i lingered by the door of that cage afraid of feeling, knowing, living. The journal Logan had given me still sat on the dresser in my bedroom. I wasn't ready for it yet to hold my secrets. 

It had been a full week since I had seen Logan, he was gone in the mornings before i got up and never returned home until he knew i was in bed at night. I wanted to call Kylie, see if he had been going over there but every time i picked up the phone my mind kept telling me to leave it alone and that he would come around. Cassie had expressed her concerns about Logan as well to me every so often. She had no idea about my past with him and i would never let her know of it either. I was too scared to be blamed for all this, something i wasn't going to go through it would just push me over the edge that much more. 

Dr. Chance had come by twice more but each time Logan shouted at her and told her to leave. I would stand on the steps and wait for her to leave then go to his office and listen to see if i could hear anything. At one time i thought i heard him crying but as soon as i moved to knock on the door he threw a glass at the door and i jumped screaming when it shattered and fell to the ground.  I left him alone after that but this was becoming too much to bare. He was in that room because of me and i had no one to blame but myself. Cassie was out looking for a job and trying to get her life together so she was out of the house most of the time with the body guards. Logan wouldn't let her or I out of this house unless we had the body guards with us. 

When i knew everyone was out of the house i went to Logan's office and picked his lock on the door, letting myself in to see if he was okay. Logan was hovered over a small stack of papers with a small desk lamp giving him light. I stepped closer to him and saw that he was looking over some papers.

"Logan?" i asked out loud

"Yes Rika?" he turned around and looked at me. The saggy bagged eyes told me that he hadn't slept in a very long time.

"You need to go to bed and get some sleep. you have been down here long enough." i told him gently

"Don't tell me what i can and can't do Rika. This is my house remember?" he scolded me and i flinched at his tone of voice

"Ok. I'm sorry. It's just that i worry about you. I always have...."

he turned around and glared at me

"but not enough to be with me."

"Logan... please don't." i wanted to beg and plead with him but it would do no good. 

"Don't what? hurt you as i have been hurt? tear you apart in side and out like i have because i am a fool to fall for some one who is damaged?" he got up and towered over me. 

Out of no where i found my hand on his face, feeling the sting of the hit a few seconds later.

"You have lost your mind Logan and i can no longer live here under your roof. So if you don't mind im going to go pack my things." i stepped back, half waiting for him to hurt me. He sat back down in his chair silently as i walked out of the door and back up to my bedroom. I sat down on the bed, not sure what i was going to do. I knew Logan didn't mean it but i had to do something. I took my phone in my room and phoned Kylie

********************************************************************

"hello?" Kylie picked up 

"Hey it's Rika. Umm." i couldn't finish my words

"Everything ok over there Rika?" she asked me

"No not really. can you and ryder come over here? i really need to talk to you."

"yeah of course. um where's Logan?"

"he's in his office, hes been down there for a straight week and I'm worried. he's mad at me because well. i won't tell him i love him."

"It's ok Rika we are on our way over." Kylie said and we hung up. 

*****************************************************************************

I sat on the bed staring at my journal. Was i brave enough to write down my thoughts? I had so much to write about but wasn't sure how to get it all out. finally i got up and went for the journal. I opened it up and stared at the blank pages, it was like trying to take a step into another world when you have just gotten out of your wheel chair of life. 

Dear journal,

I have no clue has how to do this to be honest.

What do i say in here? how do i get my thoughts out?

It's been 6 years since i wrote my thoughts down

I guess i'm just lost right now. Logan says he loves me and wants me to be with him. Of course that will not happen right now. I;m trying to heal mentally from the abuse of my ex. Dr. Chance says that it may never go away but i do know one thing for sure. Jason will get what is coming to him. I promise him that if i have to take it into my own hands.  ok well maybe not. im too scared of him. You know i have never known such fear of some one before. I hate feeling this fear. It's slowly going away but the mist of his being still lingers around here. I still wake up every morning afraid I'm back at his place. I'm so scared to take steps some times thinking that hes behind me or there to hurt me. 

I flinch from Logan when we talk. or if he moves his hands and arms a certain way. I just want to be strong. I want to be able to get up in the morning and smile, tell myself i have something to be happy about for once. 

I heard Kylie pull into the driveway and i went down to let her in. 

Kylie gave me a big hug and Ryder was right behind her. I blushed a little when he hugged me only because i hadn't ever been hugged by him.

"Rika you look wonderful. how are you doing sweetheart?" Kylie asked me 

"I'm doing ok. it's been awhile since you have been over here. Um you should go see your brother." i told her and moved aside then heard Logan come out from his office. I watched as he looked up from the papers he was reading to see the shock on his face when he saw his sister.

"Kylie? what brings you here?" he asked as he kept walking and glared at me 

"Um Rika can you excuse us for a moment i want to talk to my brother alone."  Kylie said and i nodded, leaving them to talk.

**************************************************************************

"so you want ot tell me what is going on here? I walk in through the door and all i can feel is the tension between the two of you."

"It's nothing Kylie. Is that why you are here? Did Rika call you?" Logan asked as  he put his papers down

"yes she claled me, she told me she wants to leave here. what is going on? why do you look like you haven't eaten or slept in weeks?" she demanded to know 

"Because its my way of punishing myself  for pushing Rika so hard to love me." Logan began to get upset

"Push her? Logan you have to stop doing this to you and her. Please! She needs you more as a friend right now. I can tell you that right now. If you can put your love for her into a your friendship then it will work out. I know for a fact she likes you alot. she may not love you right now but you have got to give her some space. Jason killed her. You have to bring her back to life. do the things you use to do. go swimming, go out on the town if she wants." Kylie leaned again his desk and over looked a house he was getting ready to start building on

"what?" Logan asked 

"This house. its the one you use to talk about all the time to me about. the one you were going to build for Rika. have you started on it yet?" she asked

"I was thinking about it. I think Rika needs to get out of here, feel like she has a place of her own to do things. Think she'll like it?" he asked raising his brow at his sister

"Yeah i think she will. She use to love to garden remember? she would bring all those plants to our parents." she paused a minute. 

"so i think you should go up, get her, and fix a dinner together like you use to when we were younger." 

"Thats not a bad idea really. i do need to get out of here. She's been so worried about me Kylie, i know she wants to make sure i'm ok." He kissed his sister on the forehead and left the office.

************************************************************************ 

I was talking to Ryder in the kitchen when Logan came in with his sister right behind him. 

"You seem to be better." i commented and gave a little smile 

"yeah well my sister does that for me." He told me and went to the fridge to get a soda.

"thank you Kylie. i was getting tired of worrying about him." i shook my head playfully

Kylie and Ryder stayed for the rest of the day and we had a wonderful visit. I felt a little piece of me come back to life, which as a big step in its self but i still stayed on my end of the couch while we all talked. I kept quiet until i was getting tired and told them all i had to go to sleep.

I had gotten ready for bed when i thought i heard something get knocked over in my bedroom. I turned the water off in the shower and wrapped the towel around my body. I slowly crept around the door and looked into my room. but everything seemed to be ok so i went back and took my shower again. i was so tired from all the visiting that when i hit my head on my pillow i fell fast asleep. 

 

Reviews

[Dark Angel]

Awww.... so sweet. Although I don't quite understand Logan's anger.... Made me feel a little uneasy just reading it. ^_^

[Blake Q Hatfield]

Excellent chapter! The characters have substance and depth to them, and it makes the reader want to go on with the story, in a good way. I find myself pondering the "why" for each of them, wondering how they think, what drives them.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this chapter. She is getting stronger. I like her writing in a journal. Can release some pain and allow new hope to be reborn. A very good and positive chapter.
Coyote

[Dark Empress]

Very good. I really liked this. I love how Rika isn't just falling into Logan's arms so soon after she was hurt by Jason.

[Nothing Personal]

Hmm. Building it all up..Perfect. As you mentioned before, i like the patience in your dealing with Logan & Riki. Thats a sign of matured writing. Not mushy romance stories where things work out as fast as they can and thus the bridge from reality.

[sarah]

awwwwwwwwww I want Rika and Logan to get get together soooooooooo bad!!!

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

This is great! I can't wait to read more!