ALL KINDS OF LOADED IN THE HEAD

*i really have no business streaming like this

but i'm gonna do it anyway*

i am all kinds of loaded in the head
i need to figure out a way for me to loosen your tongue
to not bind you like i do
pound my love into your spine with my fist
i will
now i'm tapping my feet to the beat
is it your heart or is it music
i cannot tell the difference
i'm losing myself in my hands
fearing the touch of love
withdrawing from the scenery
voices of the past ring loudly in my ears
i float on by this
for now
remembering how i used to scan the classroom
for a pair of eyes half as hollow as mine
searching for a friend
for someone to stab me
with the needle of numbness
keep telling myself it's all gonna be okay
a recorder in my ear
i need
repeating for hours until i believe
till it makes it's way into the center
of my heart
which
as a sun beginning to set
bleeds red
i take a walk outside to clear this head
in this twisted meadow
through blades of sharpened grass
by my enemies
that i buried years ago
i'm all kinds of loaded in the head
suspend the time
and a memory comes to me
always a memory i've got waiting to be unlocked
to send me reeling:
where the folds of his t-shirt held pockets of sweat
my hair cascaded down my back
a tangled mess
dust kicked up all around the trail we trekked
then came the shade from the trees
it was then we caught the breeze
becoming shrouded
riding out the heat
sticky fingers brushing the hair from my face
drenched with sweat and tears
drenched with His voice
i told him
you can wring out this body i am wearing
all that you want
but you'll never get out
what you want
from it
i cannot give it
i'm incapable
fool.
he was, i was
such fools we were
and we'd been tricked again
but only i understood
watched our heartstrings being played
in chaotic rise and fall
now i am full of thought
i'm all kinds of loaded in the head
all sorts of memories fading in
then out again
and this goes round and round
i'm full of dizzy
full of missing
perplexed by these pictures
dancing
how they dance with ferocity inside me
you see
i'm all kinds of loaded in the head tonight....
 

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

pound my love into your spine with my fist. Why do I like that line? It just fits that's all.
A great piece. My streaming is normally expletive laced screaming but this is awesome.

[Jaclyn]

Every time I read something of yours, I start off kind of slow because it seems as though there is a lack of focus. Then, as YOU get more into the rhythm and flow of your writing, I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into it as well. You have such a cadence to your words, one that doesn't necessary follow a form but reads almost like I'm mentally hearing a song....

Of course, as always when I read your poems, there are certain lines that just stick with me and actually cause me to pause and say, "Oooh, right there. That's what I love." I loved the lines about the sweat forming pockets in a T-shirt, the hair tangled in a cascading mess, the hiking...I also loved the lines about wringing out your body but still not able to give everything....really, too many images filled with clarity for me to pick out every single one. You know I love your stuff, I always tell you that...perhaps I am not objective because we talk so much, but I loved your writing before we got chatting, so I think I'm still ok to judge...and I give this one a 9.5! :) (I never give 100% reviews because I believe we may ALWAYS improve on SOMETHING).

[CarrieLynn {Chameleon A..]

this has a wonderful beat to it and the wording is superb! great write! :)

[Nana Carmine]

I really love it. Everything caught me- I really love it.

[Laura Sparkle]

i cannot tell the difference
i'm losing myself in my hands
fearing the touch of love....

This WHOLE piece stuck with me. I cannot even say something coherent... very nicely done. and by very i mean VERY! ^^