ALL KINDS OF LOADED IN THE HEAD

*i really have no business streaming like this

but i'm gonna do it anyway*

i am all kinds of loaded in the head
i need to figure out a way for me to loosen your tongue
to not bind you like i do
pound my love into your spine with my fist
i will
now i'm tapping my feet to the beat
is it your heart or is it music
i cannot tell the difference
i'm losing myself in my hands
fearing the touch of love
withdrawing from the scenery
voices of the past ring loudly in my ears
i float on by this
for now
remembering how i used to scan the classroom
for a pair of eyes half as hollow as mine
searching for a friend
for someone to stab me
with the needle of numbness
keep telling myself it's all gonna be okay
a recorder in my ear
i need
repeating for hours until i believe
till it makes it's way into the center
of my heart
which
as a sun beginning to set
bleeds red
i take a walk outside to clear this head
in this twisted meadow
through blades of sharpened grass
by my enemies
that i buried years ago
i'm all kinds of loaded in the head
suspend the time
and a memory comes to me
always a memory i've got waiting to be unlocked
to send me reeling:
where the folds of his t-shirt held pockets of sweat
my hair cascaded down my back
a tangled mess
dust kicked up all around the trail we trekked
then came the shade from the trees
it was then we caught the breeze
becoming shrouded
riding out the heat
sticky fingers brushing the hair from my face
drenched with sweat and tears
drenched with His voice
i told him
you can wring out this body i am wearing
all that you want
but you'll never get out
what you want
from it
i cannot give it
i'm incapable
fool.
he was, i was
such fools we were
and we'd been tricked again
but only i understood
watched our heartstrings being played
in chaotic rise and fall
now i am full of thought
i'm all kinds of loaded in the head
all sorts of memories fading in
then out again
and this goes round and round
i'm full of dizzy
full of missing
perplexed by these pictures
dancing
how they dance with ferocity inside me
you see
i'm all kinds of loaded in the head tonight....
 

Reviews

[AK]

Great piece of work here Rachel!

[Oz]

The music goes so well with this poem, great choice.

You've painted quite a picture with all the memories you describe coupled with such vivid imagery. I'm usually not much into repetition unless it's done just right, and here it has been.

I can totally relate to being "loaded in the head." My brain never shuts off.

These particular few lines caught my attention with their setiment and beautiful wording:

such fools we were
and we'd been tricked again
but only i understood
watched our heartstrings being played
in chaotic rise and fall
now i am full of thought

Lovely.

Great job Rachel!

Cheers,

OZ

[~ Tex]

Not much room to comment here after all of the wonderful reviews, so let me say I enjoyed it. I can relate to the "loaded in the head" sensation. At least that's the way it feels to me at times, particularly when the present is overwhelming and then there is some physical stimuli that brings the past flooding back... and suddenly, without rhyme, reason, or permission, my mind is ready to burst with all the stuff that is suddenly, and intrusively loaded in my head.

Well done as always.

[Adam Greenfield]

Yeah, I'm definitely with Kiri on this one.

First, I listened to the song because Ani's one I thoroughly enjoy and this is a tune I don't think I've heard before. Then I went back and read the poem and it was perfect.

i told him
you can wring out this body i am wearing
all that you want
but you'll never get out
what you want
from it
i cannot give it
i'm incapable

I love this. It's so brutally raw (even though hearing it is harder because it usually only makes me want to try harder... ha). This is a great piece. I'm glad I was shown this.

[Kiri J]

drenched with His voice
i told him
you can wring out this body i am wearing
all that you want
but you'll never get out
what you want
from it
i cannot give it
i'm incapable
fool.


um... rach, i'm speechless.
this is unsurpassed, inspiring, wrenching, beautiful and amazing.
you are amazing.

[Ryan Jaimz Knight]

The free-association in this is awesome, the passion intense, and I simply loved every word. True, I'm not a fan of the punctuation, but it actually enhances the character of this piece. Keep up the good work!
BJH

[Middagslapie]

Madness! So much passion and emotion u have captured in this... Flows natural to the words and sings true into each poets heart. Frustration, peace, love, hate, anger.... belief! Bound together so magnificently in this piece of art! I myself would never have been able to express it better than what u have here.

Wonderful, wonderful! Write on!

me*

[Michael Lopez]

this is awesome...
really dig it!!!!!
reminds me of myself.....
keep it up

[Jaffa Forbes]

this is real cool - I never heard the term 'streaming' before - but it's the kind I love, the kind i've been trying to tell writers 'It is poetry! Really!' for years. Thus - this poem is one of the best i've read. The music works real nice with it as well. You use you're words in amazing ways - be proud of this piece.

Jaff Forbes

[Dezaraye]

Wow, I think we all know how this feels. I hate being "loaded in the head." It makes it hard to keep going when thoughts are running amuck. Thanks for sharing this. I like it very much.