FIRST FORTRESS

for a friend i had, for the friend i have

when i was 12
i unfolded my heart, unfolded myself
and let him walk right on in.

 

when we were 12, we made a fortress
it was a fortress FULL
of notes written during class
 shoved through the vents of our lockers
  or passed between the palms of our hands between class
of marathon phone conversations
 sometimes saying nothing at all
  our hushed breath was linking.
   he clicked his tongue to fill the gaps
    and i loved him for it.
     for making even our silence comfortable.

 

when all those girls were swinging knives,
  like girls like to do,
   at each other's backs
    he was shielding mine from stabbings
      again
        i loved him for it.

 

when we stood in hallways,
 hallways much too small to hold what we were building
  he'd clutch my hand.
   our fingers laced so tight
    where i began he finished.
      i squeezed back
       an unspoken way to say i love you for this.

 

for the first time in my little anxiety-ridden life
 i felt safe.
  felt unbreakable.
    like he was so much mine
      like i was so much his.

 

and i will never forget:
 how my heartbeats flooded then deafened my ears
  the first time we kissed.
   in the back hallway behind the gym.
    *your arms wrapped me up
       and into them i sank
     your mouth so warm
      your tongue like liquid silk
        drippping down the back of my throat
          filling all of the holes inside of me.*

 

we were only kids.
 kids capable of saving each other
  from the torment that growing up causes.
   kids capable of loving like most kids cannot when they are 12.
because we were cut,
 cut,
   cut,
     cut,
  cut from the same cloth.

Reviews

[shel]

it was a fortress FULL
of notes written during class
shoved through the vents of our lockers
or passed between the palms of our hands between class

when we stood in hallways,
hallways much too small to hold what we were building

i love the intimacy in this one, the small moments. and that last part-- cut, cut, cut...as if you're speaking of that 'torment', which, in a way, you are...makes me think of your 'too heavy to hold' piece.

[Celtic Cat]

Wow, this is so utterly lovely that it's just brought a tear to my eye! How lovely to find someone cut from the same cloth and to have him hold your hand in the halls..... Very beautiful write about sublimely tender moments. It's feelings like these that keeps our feet walkin'. Superb write, my friend!!! I'm faving this.

[Jaclyn]

I swear me and you are psychically linked or something. I was just thinking, just yesterday, about a boy who I loved when I was 11...it was during summer vacation, but there was a moment where he took a red leaf shaped exactly like a heart and pressed it between our palms and then laced his fingers with mine. We were so crazy about each other and so melded, even thought we were too young to know what we had. I wasn't able to write about it because I got thinking about something else and then forgot about my thoughts of him. This poem reminded me of that...but you got there first and wrote something so exceptionally great that I don't feel like writing about him now. Ehehehehe...

I think you're my most favorited author so far, so it's no surprise that this one goes on the favorites page as well. :) Awesome images coupled with such a feeling of innocent love. I would like to hope that we've all felt this way at one time or another.

[Tara]

Tex's review is so awesome...i feel like saying ditto...Can i do that? lol...I really agree with him...you write from your vulnerable heart with an honest depth that is refreshing and easily relatable...congrats on the award you won here..you deserve it. I love your song too. It fits the poem perfectly.

[Mariah]

Wow! This is so good. It stays strong all the way through. It's one of those poems that you know are "real", so to speak.

[~ Tex]

Hmmmm, what to say after all of those wonderful reviews? I can't think of anything original at the moment, so I'll simply concur with those who read before me.

You know I simply adore your work for its depth, its imagery, its flow and its personal nature - you share intimate moments of life and make us feel like we're a part of you... that we're seeing it through your eyes; not reading it as you wrote it.

There is a difference. It's easy to write for others to read - it is another thing to invite the reader to step into your skin, without asking and without them realizing they've accepted.

You make us all a part of your landscape, whether it be now or at age 12... which really was not so long ago.

The sad thing is, though no one looks at me and believes me to be out of my mid-twenties, but I was out of high school in and my first combat firefight more years ago than the age of many of my friends... here at the Cafe and here where I live. In fact, many of ya'll weren't even a sparkle in your daddy's eye yet. LOL

So for me to take some folks back to the days on only three networks.... well, four if you include PBS... LMAO... well, that'd be downright going all Freddie Krueger on ya! LOL

But, and don't die from shock, but it's true.... school "back in the day" was no different than you describe right here.

Of course, I was on the educational fast track back then, and was at least three years younger than the youngest kid in any of my classes. I probably could have used someone to have my back. LOL

My fortress was built in a mind full of books. Probably not so nice and big as yours.... as you can imagine, with all the reading I did, it was pretty darn crowded in there.

I wonder if our fortresses still stand? Can we re-enter them? Do they hold some truths or pearls of wisdom that we salted away back in the day?

I think I left my creativity in mine. I swear my mind was wide open back then and not as full of educational and life experience crap as it is now.

I can promise you the fortresses we build as adults are far different and somehow less protective, and in fact, are probably self-destructive to us. I wonder how that happens?

Maybe we were more creative architects back in the day and had some escape tunnels, etc.

Yes, I'm pretty sure I did then, but forgot to put those in the new fortress.

Wonderful and thought provoking write my dear. Marvelous as always. Nice music choice. You're good at that sort of multimedia formatting.

I'm glad someone was there to have your back and help build that fortress.

[Nana Carmine]

I love the intimacy that is in this- it draws me in. I love it- you're writing makes me feel warm for them. It's such a happy poem and i love it. It really feels romantic but you are constantly reminded of a childhood romance at the same time so it balances out. I really love it. Thank you for sharing it with us

[TL Boehm]

almost a bittersweet sentiment to this. There is an echo to the words that says - I want to go back to this type of love. Of course it is probably the roar of angst in my own ears.
Such wonderful lines in this one...filling up all the holes....knowing how girls can be so savage at 12..
A stellar write.

[Dezaraye]

This is so wonderful. I love the flow and the format you've used. It keeps my eyes moving and reading every word. Such innocent love and such a powerful memory. I hope he sees this. Everyone needs a friend like this in their lives, but few people are blessed enough to find one. How blessed you both are.

[__Flaw__]

Superb :)))) ... i say....just superb :))))

That's a romantic poem which, actually feels....romantic :)...

Great work Rachel...smiles :)))))

[Brette Medb]

Damn that was so beautiful and innocent and I too remember those days of the backstabbing and catty girl fights that I never had the patience to deal with... This was so heartfelt...truly wonderful. Great write.


Brette