FIRST FORTRESS

for a friend i had, for the friend i have

when i was 12
i unfolded my heart, unfolded myself
and let him walk right on in.

 

when we were 12, we made a fortress
it was a fortress FULL
of notes written during class
 shoved through the vents of our lockers
  or passed between the palms of our hands between class
of marathon phone conversations
 sometimes saying nothing at all
  our hushed breath was linking.
   he clicked his tongue to fill the gaps
    and i loved him for it.
     for making even our silence comfortable.

 

when all those girls were swinging knives,
  like girls like to do,
   at each other's backs
    he was shielding mine from stabbings
      again
        i loved him for it.

 

when we stood in hallways,
 hallways much too small to hold what we were building
  he'd clutch my hand.
   our fingers laced so tight
    where i began he finished.
      i squeezed back
       an unspoken way to say i love you for this.

 

for the first time in my little anxiety-ridden life
 i felt safe.
  felt unbreakable.
    like he was so much mine
      like i was so much his.

 

and i will never forget:
 how my heartbeats flooded then deafened my ears
  the first time we kissed.
   in the back hallway behind the gym.
    *your arms wrapped me up
       and into them i sank
     your mouth so warm
      your tongue like liquid silk
        drippping down the back of my throat
          filling all of the holes inside of me.*

 

we were only kids.
 kids capable of saving each other
  from the torment that growing up causes.
   kids capable of loving like most kids cannot when they are 12.
because we were cut,
 cut,
   cut,
     cut,
  cut from the same cloth.

Reviews

[shel]

it was a fortress FULL
of notes written during class
shoved through the vents of our lockers
or passed between the palms of our hands between class

when we stood in hallways,
hallways much too small to hold what we were building

i love the intimacy in this one, the small moments. and that last part-- cut, cut, cut...as if you're speaking of that 'torment', which, in a way, you are...makes me think of your 'too heavy to hold' piece.

[Lola Nation]

Aw, this i love, I had that friend, we would sit underneath our friends bunk beds while the ditching party went on and we would talk talk talk for hours and that bond patched us together like the fortress you describe here, what a way to trail back down memory lane, thank you!

[Victoria Lee~]

I love this Rachel. First love, yet so grown up. Great write.

[Cara]

I found mine at 15, and not many understand that bond. You did a beautiful job painting this picture, and it took me back to a few places I've not visited in awhile. Thank you, again!

[LethalDoseOfReality]

That must have been one special boy.Amazing how one person can change your life.Sweet poem,I like.

[RAWR!]

i dream about times that where so simple.
puRrrr...

[Lisa Robertson]

Thanks for taking me back! Remembering those years brought a smile to my face!

Write on!
Smiles,
Lisa

[David Peters]

Well that was beautiful. Oddly it takes me back to when I myself was 12, I felt that exact same deafening sensation, right at that appointed location outside of the gym. I'm sure that this boy would be staggeringly honored to read this as a man, I know it made my heart smile and I could see it as though I was there. love the closing line. And all the other reviewers are right on
Amazing piece, thanks for sharing

[Cold Coffee Magazine]

This reminded me of Junior high and that was oh so long ago. I remembered putting notes in the locker vents a time or two. It was a magical time in my life.
THank you for sharing that and little jounrey it took me on. In the end all we have is memories and its work like that lets us relive them once more.

Thank you.

Dave

[rachel D]

all of you guys are so awesome...... this is a piece i hold close to my heart and i truly appreciate the tenderness with which you've all treated it with. means more than i could ever write.......

[John Stussy]

Powerful love at a young age. Never are too young to love I think, so long as you know what love really is. I am still trying to find out, though I can point others into it's direction quite easily and know many pathways for man and woman to reach that goal. Silly, isn't it, that a Casanovan Adonis can't find the way to his home? Ah well, maybe my Decorus Dealily can help me find my way, as I help her to find hers. :) This poem really made my day, gave me fresher hope. Thanks for sending it.