THE BIRMINGHAM KIDS

we were
we are
the birmingham kids:
running through freshly mowed ultra green grass and oriental gardens
 filled with gothic statues and wrought-iron fences
swimming in country club pools surrounded by manicured golf courses
trepsing single file
 in khacki shorts and collared shirts
   attending ten thousand dollar classes
growing up:
 in west wings of houses void of parents
  with too much space for kids too young
where keys hang for ignitions
 to cars too tempting that are barely contained in four-car garages,
  to swaying boats tied too loose with rope too easy to undo
with unlocked wall to wall cabinets chockfull of flavored liqueurs
parents always out of town:
leaving kids much too young
 to keep watch on themselves
kids with absent CEO father's
 watch absent supposed stay-at-home mother's
  have affairs with other women's husbands
and so it goes...
intoxicated kids roam the supremely serene streets
 they ride the crystal clear sheets of water
and kids much too young
die
 in countless inconceivable crashes,
  from the money which fills their purple veins
   that beat, then palpitate and bubble
     till they burst
till they are no more
we are much too young

we were the kids of a life people still think doesn't exist.
we were
we are
the birmingham kids.

Reviews

[shel]

'purple veins' stood out to me in this one...purple suggesting royalty. and that ultra green grass, the kids in khackis and collared shirts.
i read this, and thought, oh-oh, this can't be good:
where keys hang for ignitions
to cars too tempting
i liked the 'we were, we are' in this-- the blur of time, as if it's still such a part of their identity. it could just be the mood i'm in ('cause i feel like i've been suggesting 'cutting the end' from various pieces all night) but i like 'we are much too young' as a last line for this, or to keep that idea expressed in the 1st line of the final stanza, but work it in beforehand. i don't know. i'm getting nitpicky at this late hour. :) i just like ending with the idea of youth/being too young to live like this/too young to die. but you want to loop back to the 1st stanza, and that makes perfect sense too. i liked the 'and so it goes' too...it says a lot about the speaker's attitude, how tragic, and yet routine, this way of life is.

[Kiri J]

wow, strong point, my dear and well made at that!
passionate and somewhat angsty, but justified passionate and edgy.

fab x

[RAWR!]

you are so talanted.
raw and hardhitting.
such a sweet punch.

i always enjoy reading your writings, but i liked this a little extra, because of the rawness.
so lovely.

[David Peters]

Ahhh...yes well then in a way I feel like its 1724 and you've slapped me across the face with an empty glove, leaving me no recourse but to accept your challenge, a duel if you will. youve achieved the "David wishes he'd got there first" prize, however mine would have been more acid tongued, like 'where there's at least two cliques, one lashes with acid tongues, as the other passes with acid on tongues' But it is actually perfect, the first part I used to think about a lot growing up, like "are you all serious?" sorta see no evil, hear no evil. And then from "And so it goes" was the Oh so this is what reality is. This is complete and wonderful, I wonder if most of those people would know every line like I do.
Yes I know those kids, I have been in those houses, I am and I was but,
"All I used to be will pass away, and then you'll see that all I want now is happiness for you and me"

[Jaclyn]

You know what really makes this great? I started reading this and I originally was rolling my eyes, thinking "poor little rich kids". I almost stopped reading, but then I remembered that this was my RACHEL D! I had to keep reading just because it was you, and I'm glad I did. You have taken a subject that is sometimes difficult to feel much empathy for and you have GIVEN it empathy and sadness and a haunting quality. This is intelligent, it is insightful, and I'm ashamed to say that I almost didn't give it a chance. I guess I'll have to roll my eyes at my own ignorance now! :)

[~ Tex]

Rachel, I think you want "traipsing" in place of 'trepsing'

Beyond that, I have nothing but appreciation for this beautifully crafted piece of work.

It was enjoyable... true and telling... and it captivated me throughout... which is a good sign and a hard thing to accomplish....

[Lisa Robertson]

This Poem is remarkable. The sounds are oh so true...yet hidden! I am glad you have shared this piece of you with us! Keep Writing and sharing!

Write on!
Smiles,
Lisa

[Dezaraye]

This needs to be a featured piece! It's so well formed and well written. Every line is vitally important to the overall feel.

Wonderful work here. It's so sad that it's so, so true. Money can do some terrible things to so many people.