BURN AND SHIVER

i fell under your weight once.
fell into your dismal nothingness.
i was infected.
your nasty self-serving habits.
coffee tables covered in your empty refuge from your life.
but i have been cured.
your surfacing is making me ill.
the nightmare you are inside of me makes me shudder.
you make me shudder.

 

you- with your black coffee,
   bitten red, white and sore crusted nails
       those cracked-out eyes
          just full and filled of violent lies
you've a black hole rotting you from the inside out
you make me shudder.

 

you're gonna end up dead soon i fear.
and i will not be suprised.
you're already halfway there.
you are trapped.
you make me shudder.

 

i broke free.
disengaged and escaped.
you don't live inside me anymore.
you made me shudder.
now eliminated.
here comes the white light.

Reviews

[Brianna Brie]

coffee tables covered in your empty refuge from your life
you've a black hole rotting you from the inside out
i broke free.
disengaged and escaped.
you don't live inside me anymore.

This is an incredible write with strong images cleverly done. The loathing, pity and relief is apparent.

[Mike P.]

Yikes! sounds like someone you really didnt need to be around. this piece brings back ugly memories of ugly people for me. good thing those are only memories tho! enjoyable write despite the shivering thought of people ive since forgotten :)
nice
6

[Kelly Scheppers]

I could quote every line of every verse here, but my personal favorite would have to be the one next to the last...talk about shudder!

Rachel, if you write like THIS, I can just imagine what your photography is like!!

[Jordan Locke]

Wow! You know, most poems are either about anger or being hurt, but there's not too many that do BOTH with equal punch. This one does.

My favorite line hit me so hard in reading it, I spoke out loud: "i've been cured."

Good stuff!! (And your taste in music is fantastic, by the way....)

[RAWR!]

wow, that music track was a very brilliant thing to add to a very good poem.
i think perhaps this poem would make a very good song.

"you're gonna end up dead soon i fear.
and i will not be suprised.
you're already halfway there.
you've made your own bed to lie in
by yourself.
you make me shudder."

i like this very much, its really good.



*suprised(surprised) is spelled wrong