LEAD

21 and so much i needed.

 

he and i...
we sat on the edge of the wooden boards,
the houses around us had turned in for the night.
our feet dangled above the quiet clapping of waves.
we talked about our dysfunctional upbringings:
his father had died when he was 7,
my parents divorced when i was 8.
he told me who he thought he was.
i told him who i was before, who i thought i was becoming...
all of our words hung, then dropped,
into the blackwater below.

 

i wanted our conversation to hold more meaning
but his walls were too high and his heart was buried too deep.
it was the dark grey circles that encompassed his eyes,
the sadness that seemed to saturate them,
it was what i wanted to dip my fingers into.

 

later,
our palms pressed heavily and our mouths hard.
but nothing dissintegrated.
my hair became a tangled mess, the cold sweat pooled on my skin and rolled down the nape of my neck.
we were anything but weightless,
still everything was empty.
and in the end,
we were hollow.
the space between us held nothing more than our tired arms, our racing hearts, our vacant lungs, our lead chests, our exhaustion.
everything came undone
he and i...
we were too heavy to hold each other.

Reviews

[Floating on the feather..]

Lovely is what i would say. It was such a pleasant experience to read such an honest piece. The entangled words of love and content are so congenial.

The lines are perfect and meant for those you know the true meaning of love.

Great write.

[Nicholas Hallows]

Wow!

'all of our words hung, then dropped,
into the blackwater below.' - I love this

This poem really conveys the atmosphere of the occasion.

NH

[AK]

Rachel?... how do you open your soul like this? This is so honest and stark and human and... real.

[Jaclyn]

Lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove it.

[Haden]

I adore how you were able to discuss such passion, intense moments, heat ... and then in the next moment confess that it just didnt mean that much. it's a beautiful fake even if it is just a fake. (by the way, i love how you put songs all over your work ... wonderful idea! i may borrow it, it just makes sense, quite often the song influences the mood and sometimes even the flow of the work. very cool!)

[shel]

we sat on the edge of the wooden boards,
the houses around us had turned in for the night.
our feet dangled above the quiet clapping of waves.

it was the dark grey circles that encompassed his eyes,
the sadness that seemed to saturate them,
it was what i wanted to dip my fingers into.

our palms pressed heavily and our mouths hard.
but nothing dissintegrated.

Yes, I like to copy & paste my favorite lines into reviews. There were lots of other lines I could've pasted here too. Whatever it is you're doing here, with the music...you create an experience, and it's heartbreaking. I think everyone has experienced this to some extent, either connecting or wanting to connect w/someone else who is similarly wounded. The only thing I might suggest is that the title & the last line actually not say the exactly the same thing. Obviously, it's what you want, it's the point of the piece, but I'd almost like to be taken there with another way, with something more subtle, and then be left hanging with that feeling. Or not told ahead of time in the title. But this was beautiful.

[Tara]

he and i / too heavy for holding. That is the only suggestion i would have. the rest is perfect. YOu clearly have talent for writing introspective pieces.

[Kelly Scheppers]

...such a commanding read, leaving this reader in awe!

I loved the music, too!

[Dom Portalla]

It's very sad and beautiful at the same time. The way their disconncection is described feels very genuine..

"i wanted our conversation to hold more meaning
but his walls were too high and his heart was buried too deep."

love the last line as well.

great poem.