SLEEPING GIRL'S RHYTHMIC BREATHING

it's the blue light and the dark night
there was a pencil held firmly in my fingers. and the wood kept banging up against the white gold. i

kept squinting to find the answer to the simple equation- the one you don't need written on the back

of your hand- the one that always makes sense- the easy one- the one i'm constantly over-looking

because i'm certain the more digging i do, the better the turnout will be.
and everytime i am wrong.
and this world has me conditioned so.
the person i'm angry with is myself.

 

tonight i will count
all the cracks in the paint
of the ceiling
that is painted in such a way that it's meant to have cracks
and if things work out the way i hope that they do
on split 39 i will fall fast asleep

 

i'm too tired to be conflicted
my mind is spun dry of liquid emotion
now all that i want
is to feel a high thread count of cotton
pressed hard against my cheek
and for my mouth to dry up
from the steady pace
of a sleeping girl's rhythmic breathing.

Reviews

[Kiri J]

oh i know that feeling oh so well. so so well.
we are definitely on the same page, friend of mine.
x

[Jaclyn]

You have serious insomnia issues, girl! Hee hee...

Okay, as for this, I am in agreement with some of the other reviews that the tone of this is great...the first part doesn't make a whole lot of sense, it's jumbled, it's the ranting and raving of someone who seriously needs to get some shuteye. Then it calms down as you begin to try and divert yourself from your irritation and frustration. Then the last part...well, I love that part..."my mind is spun dry of liquid emotion". Just love that line. Then the high thread count of cotton...the tactile sensastion is almost tangible here.

But I'm going to stop typing because the longer I talk, the longer you'll likely be up. ;)

[Allison Julia Mouret]

I like this. I understand insomnia well, and you capture it in a way that is both real and concise. good job!

[J]

Oh my. Wow [MY turn]. This is fantastic! You have an innate sense of timing ~ a perfect cadence with thoughts that tumble with delicate intensity, detail that fascinates the reader for its startling annimation ... "the wood kept banging up against the white gold" ~ and to give us the major clue with such a seeminly ambiguous 'remark."

Further ... I tried to pick a line from the last stanza to illuminate, but the whole thing is a work of art! How to convey exhaustion, soft sheets and counting sheep!

This is excellent work!
~j

[Pema Dorje]

... you captured the moment with your pencil, and wrote it with lead, so I felt the ambiguity, of sleeplessness and being in over my head ... write on Rachel

a writer writes and never stops writing and rewrites and writes again and again ... and we never stop writing, except to Dream, perhaps to reach for that Star in that Star crowded Sky, and bring that Star to the end of our Pen, and write like plasma all over again ...

[Lydia Shutter]

Insomnia.....it is the plight of many creative minds that refuse to shut off when the lights grow dim. Seems to me life handed you lemons and you made lemonade because this is a great write. Being conflicted with oneself is an act of futility. I hope you get some sleep soon...meantime, I enjoyed this product of your insomnia. Lydia

[Brette Medb]

That was really beautiful...if that's what insomnia does to you I would embrace it whole heartedly... great job!

[Dezaraye]

This is a beautiful piece. I, like you, go through bouts of insomnia and grow too introspective. I guess introspection is better than the out-of-control bad mood it sometimes puts me in. :)

I love how your words flow and how it's not a "dark" piece like it could have been. Thanks for sharing.

[shel]

tonight i will count
all the cracks in the paint
of the ceiling
that is painted in such a way that it's meant to have cracks
and if things work out the way i hope that they do
on split 39 i will fall fast asleep
(really love this part, esp. the last 2 lines of it.)

i'm certain the more digging i do, the better the turnout will be.
and everytime i am wrong.
(i don't even know what to say about these lines. i told you i'd try not to drag personal stuff into reviews, so, moving on...)

at first, i didn't notice the time shift, that the writing part was a memory. i might be reading something into the 'white gold', the 'answer to the simple equation'...but i can also see this as simply the difficulty we have in finding our way through our writing, digging for truth, trying too hard, the frustration...

[Jordan Locke]

This is a great piece. (Fellow insomniacs, unite.) It's both raw and tired, but it doesn't feel sorry for itself, which I really like.

"and this world has me conditioned so.
the person i'm angry with is myself." -- This was awesome.

And I really liked this last bit in the final stanza: "i'm too tired to be conflicted."