WHAT’S UNDER MY BED?
“Time to brush your teeth” mom hollers from her usual spot in the house, the kitchen. Uh oh, that’s not good. Time to brush your teeth means time to get ready for bed. Time to turn off the TV. Time to face the thing that lives under my bed. Again.
“Five more minutes”
“I gave you five more minutes ten minutes ago honey. Go brush your teeth and get ready for inspection. Inspection was when mom checked to see if I really had brushed my teeth or just faked it once again. I always got caught, and I always tried to get away with it anyway. Why don’t I want to brush my teeth? I don’t know. I’m ten, I’m not supposed to like to brush my teeth or wash my face, or anything else that has to be done before bed. It’s not a question of trying to save time or effort, I spent just as much time and effort running the water in the sink and swishing my brush around in the stream to make it seem like I was brushing them. In fact, I bet if you timed me, I spent more time faking brushing my teeth than it would take to actually brush them. Did I say I’m ten. I’m not supposed to like to brush my teeth so I fake it each and every night and get caught faking it each and every night.
Inspection time. I open my mouth on command and mom looks in. She sniffs. “Honey, you did not brush your teeth”
“Yes I did”, I whined.
“No you didn’t”
“Did so”
“Honey you did not brush your teeth!”
“How do you know?” In my best whining voice.
“Mommy’s know”
“But this time I really did”
“Then you didn’t use toothpaste. I can’t smell any toothpaste”
“I forgot”
“Then go do it again and use toothpaste this time”
I scurry off to the bathroom to fake it again. This time I remember to rub a little toothpaste on my front teeth and tongue and return for inspection.
“Okay honey now off to bed”
I squirm out of the way just barely avoiding a kiss on the cheek, I’m ten and too old for that mushy stuff, and run off to my bedroom. I hit the breaks at the doorway and squat down for a good look at something I will not get to see anyway, but its worth the try. You see, I am looking for a particularly nasty monster that just happens to live in the eight inch crawl space underneath my bed. I look with the light on knowing that I will never see him in these circumstances. My monster, like all the other ones out there only materialize at night, and when the room has been darkened after the light has been switched off. I look across the floor at all the toys I have left out despite my moms urgings to put the up before someone, like me, trips on one. Looking across the floor I realize one thing. There is no straight path to the bed. To get there I am going to have to make a zig zaggety dash across the room before diving for the safety and comfort of my bed.
My light switch, the only one in the room is conveniently located at the door farthest from my bed of course. After flicking the switch that meant that I had a good fifteen feet, a toy strewn fifteen feet to the safety of my bed. I have been smart enough though to have the covers already pulled back at an angle across my bed so when my airborne self hit the mattress I would be covered head to toe in a matter of seconds. That is of course if I didn’t trip on a toy and find myself lying flat on my face peering under my bed directly into his domain. A mistake I couldn’t afford to make if I wanted to live to see my eleventh birthday.
So I knelt there on my hands and knees and planned, all the while with my mother echo behind me admonishing me to just get into bed.
“Honey are you in bed yet”
“Yes”
“Well your lights still on, how could you be in bed.”
“Im in bed mom. You turn out my light”
“No your not” came her irritated voice directly behind me. “And what are you doing”
Ignoring her question. “Well I was about to be in bed before you came along”
“Then what in the world are you doing there? Just turn off the light and get into bed like everyone else. I promise there is nothing under there but dust. Look you can see that for yourself”
I could.
“You have five seconds and Im turning it off for you”
“Good, wait till Im in bed and under the covers then”
“Keith Allen Campbell, I’m not going to play that game tonight. Turn off the lights and GET INTO BED”
“No no no,” I protest as she reaches for the light, I hadn’t planned my route yet.
Off go the lights and I find myself leaping for the first clear spot I could remember and succeed to land straight on my GI JOE, plastic guns and all sticking straight up like a mini pin cushion. I howl in pain and jump to the next ‘empty space’ that just happened to be filled with a metal GI JOE tank, another screech of pain, and then a desperate dive for where I remember my best spot in bed to be. My plans did not include the headboard. Thunk. That was not planned. I wasted no time rubbing my aching head as I yanked the covers over my trembling body and up over my head. I laid under the covers panting and listening for the monster under the bed but could only hear my mother mumbling something like, “we have to do something about this monster business” to my father, who I can only imagined just nodded and went back to his Monday Night Football game.
Tonight I had decided was gonna be the night to tempt fate. After calming down a bit I poked my head out of the covers and did the unthinkable. I ever so quietly slid my right hand down between the wall and the side of my mattress and inched its way down. I knew from past experiences that as long as I didn’t lower my hand below the bottom of my mattress I would be relatively safe. It seemed the monster could only strike if my hand entered his territory. The eight inch crawl space between the bottom of my mattress and the floor. My heart began pounding nearly out of my skinny chest as the tips of my fingers touched the bottom of my mattress. Just one fraction of an inch and I would be there, at his mercy. Maybe with all the ruckus my mom had just created he would be just a little distracted and I could get away with a little trespassing into his territory. My finger tips just passed the bottom of the mattress and I froze in fear. I swear I can feel his breath on them, my tips, yet I inched them even farther. It was a new record for me tonight. My fingers were a full two inches below the plane of my mattress and still connected to the rest of my hand. Just as I can see his clawed hand reaching up for mine I knew it was time to quit tempting fate and jerked my hand up under its covers and proceed to burry my head as well.
And that is how I will fall to sleep, like every other night bundled up in a cocoon of covers well protected from the monster under my bed.
Before I forget I should mention that we did have one unspoken truce, much to my relief. I was allowed to get up to go pee, using the near door, the one next to the bathroom without fear from his teeth and claws. I could also get back into bed like any normal child without worry, well almost without worry. After all, how much can you really trust a monster.
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