Chapter 5 – The Traveler Speaks: Part 2

A little character development for Mira

I felt very alone and didn’t have too many friends beyond acquaintance.  My problem with friends is, they try to get to know you.  It’s work because they want you to know them…it’s just draining…and I’m not at a point where I want to open up to anyone.   As my thinking went, if I don’t get too close to anyone, then I won’t get hurt.  As time has gone on, I have kept myself busy with lots of activities and study.  They say I am very smart or intelligent, but I don’t know…if I was that smart, I’d be able to figure out how to be happy instead of always being on the edge...yeah, that’s the song.  “I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell…”  

What kind of ship is this anyway?  You have a sound system?  A couple of years ago, I actually thought about suicide…but what would that accomplish?  In the end, that would just cause a whole other wave of pain and suffering that I’m sure would kill my dad and hurt all the NASA guys too.  No, I was determined to figure this all out...alone if I had to.  So, am I smart?  I don’t know, I’d describe myself as aware, but not wise.   Knowledge without life experience or wisdom…it makes me dangerous…

I lived with my dad the whole time.  He actually is really smart and works for NASA as an aerospace engineer.  I didn’t know exactly what he was working on, but I would go to work with him any chance I got.  I knew everyone in his office and even some of the astronauts….they talked a lot about life support systems, establishing colonies on Mars and longer range travel.  I loved hearing it all; it was like listening to explorers of old, plan out their voyages.  Whenever they got to talking, I always imagined what it would be like to be one of the ones discovering the new world.  I’d just sit there and grin…and that would encourage my dad to just keep talking and dreaming.

I was hard on my dad because somehow, I thought he had some kind of control over cancer.  Somehow, he just let my mom go I thought.  Of course, that wasn’t true, but he was an available punching bag.  Part of it, I think, was just a normal animosity towards authority…but I was also my dad’s daughter, so I think butting heads was in our future no matter what our circumstances were.   I do feel bad about some of the hurtful things I would say to him…or the times I’d just give him the cold shoulder when he wanted to just sit and talk.  That’s probably the biggest regret I have at this point, I never really considered that mom’s death was as much a loss for him as it was for me.

Author's Note

At this point, I'm not wanting to spill everything about her but raise interest in who she is and what is important to her.