Fire Quenched Your Rain

Fire Quenched Your Rain

A Poem by realmwriter

  When you're the cure, I will not be the cause.
When you're the cause, I must be the cure.

Come, let the fire quench the rain.
Let the rain burn through the night
Let the dark envelope light.
Come, let the fire quench the rain.

  When you pain, as do I, I fall chastised from the sky.
When you're joyed, as am I, I catch a glimpse of tears you cry.

Come, let the cold warm your heart.
Let the shroud save the face.
Let the mask reveal your true intent
Come, let the cold warm your heart.

  As if life has nothing more to offer, I see you offer more
As if death captures beauty, I see beauty capture you.

Come, let us hide our faces from each other.
Let us share our embarrassment.
Let us be unabashed by what we do.
Come, let us hide our faces from each other.

  As if vanity were your triumphant song, you sing a song anew.
As if pride were your only enemy, there is no pride in you.

Come let wisdom find your years, and I pray the years be kind.
Indeed you have been blessed.
As blessed as none have been before.
You have slipped beyond salvation and the fire quenched your rain.
  


© 2014 realmwriter


My Review

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Featured Review

Hello there!

Thank you for sharing your work with us. I enjoyed this poem because it brought about something new in the sense that it was a refreshing take on the subject. I think the form works really well up for this poem and helps to add to the tone of the writing. I do have a few suggestions (I pretty much always do) which are outlined below. They are just suggestions so you can take or leave whatever it is that you like. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

"Let the rain burn through the night" --- this is beautiful image. It is probably my favorite line in the whole poem.

"When you pain, as do I, I fall sacred from the sky.
When you you're joyed, as am I, I catch a glimpse of tears you cry." -- You have an extra "you" at the beginning of the second line here. Also, the end of the first line where the speaker falls sacred from the sky really throws me off. I guess I am having trouble with the image "sacred" creates here.

"As if life has nothing more to offer, I see you offer more
As if death captures beauty, I see beauty capture you." --This is amazing. These two lines really play off of each other well to create such a morbid, but beautiful, feeling to this poem.

"Come, let us hide our faces from each other.
Let us share our embarrassment.
Let us be unabashed by what we do.
Come, let us hide our faces from each other." --- For me, this stanza brought the whole poem together. It reminds me a lot of the tale of Eros(also known as Cupid) and Psyche. With that connection made, the whole poem seemed to be taken into an even deeper level, whether it was your intention or not. If you have not read the myth between Eros and Psyche, I think you should. It could help to make this an even stronger poem without directly relating it to the myth itself.

I am having trouble with the last stanza. For me the poem ended at "Come, let us hide our faces from each other." - the end of the third from last stanza. The ending stanza as it stands now doesn't seem to have the same tone as the rest of the poem. Another reason I might be having trouble with that last stanza is because the form of your poem breaks there. The last stanza doesn't follow the rest of the form which can be distracting to your readers.

+YourMidnightSecret+

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

realmwriter

12 Years Ago

As I cannot edit the above remarks, let me say that I noticed all of the spelling errors but alas, I.. read more
Clouded in Hopeful Illusions of False Delusions

12 Years Ago

I love trying to be helpful since I appreciate it when people treat my work as such, so of course I .. read more
realmwriter

12 Years Ago

Thank you so much I look forward to reading them tomorrow as I am out of time today...! :)



Reviews

Some poems I find to be more-so moving pictures than words, and eventually have to reread them but all the same I found this moving. I truly enjoyed this and will be reading more of your writing. As a newcomer I find this very enlightening!

Posted 10 Years Ago


realmwriter

10 Years Ago

Thank you K. J. Corbin. I am happy to have written a piece that you enjoy and I hope to continue to .. read more
Come let wisdom find your years, and I pray the years be kind. -- this line alone is fabulous, not that the rest of the piece wasn't, but this one really struck a chord with me.

This unfolded as a knot being untied...in a slow, sublime texture. I like the concept; unique and creative way to go about something like this.

My suggestions:

Last stanza:
Come let wisdom find your years, and I pray they be kind --
Indeed you have been blessed, as none have been before.
You have slipped beyond salvation through fire quenching rain.

--just a thought as to some alternate wording. Overall, though, I enjoyed the read. Look forward to reading more.

Posted 11 Years Ago


beautifully worded !

Posted 11 Years Ago


realmwriter

11 Years Ago

Thank you so much...!
excellent right great use of repetition

Posted 11 Years Ago


realmwriter

11 Years Ago

Thank You my friend. I appreciate it very much...!
beautiful!

Posted 11 Years Ago


realmwriter

11 Years Ago

Thank You Neva, very much...!
This is beautiful! No words to describe it honestly!

Posted 11 Years Ago


realmwriter

11 Years Ago

Thank you very much. The first Three word did the job just fine...!
This was so unique, a poem using opposites of what people may expect! Fire quenching the rain! When I see this, I see a love that isn't what it seems on the surface, because in every of light there is a bit of darkness (in theory, sometimes), and this is about two people who can try to deny that they don't like each other, but actually they can't deny the dark desires both of them feel.
Excellent write!

Posted 11 Years Ago


realmwriter

11 Years Ago

Thank you very much. You're rather good at this review thing I must say. You continue to "hit the na.. read more
RachelReaper

11 Years Ago

there I go being creepy again lolz
realmwriter

11 Years Ago

LOL yeah but in a good way...! That Rox..>!
The opening lines offer a vow, a realization of the way it is at times - sort of like "I'll be there to catch you, but I won't push you down..." I like the style, and the images that are rolling around in my head now... A great and deep write!

Posted 11 Years Ago


realmwriter

11 Years Ago

Thank you very much for these words. It really means a lot to me that I have been so warmly accepted.. read more
Rita L. Sev

11 Years Ago

You're very welcome!
wow, this has some of the cleverest and most beautiful metaphorical contradictions i have ever seen. this whole piece is a taunting to the senses...it makes me livid with joy! thank you for sharing this unique and original work of art. awesome.....

Posted 11 Years Ago


realmwriter

11 Years Ago

Thank you very much quinfinn, I am touched...!
quinfinn

11 Years Ago

you're welcome
I'm met a lot of poets over the net. Many many of them. But I've yet to come across one with a ... style such as your's. It's actually a bit fascinating... The couplets are particularly interesting. The first couplet made me think much.
What made me read this poem of all? Your title. It drew me in, definitely! Well done, and I hope you keep penning down your work.

Posted 11 Years Ago


realmwriter

11 Years Ago

Inspiration for me to write has been nothing if not overflowing. At times it seems as if I cannot ge.. read more

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51 Reviews
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Shelved in 7 Libraries
Added on May 16, 2012
Last Updated on November 6, 2014

Author

realmwriter
realmwriter

Harrison, AR



About
You know, I can write about almost any subject, in poetic form and even an ocasional short story, but I find it most difficult to write about myself. I am an artist at heart and will use whatever m.. more..

Writing

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