In the Dark

 

i hate this it feels icky
i keep doing it to myself
my perception is off

  i go on total melt down
it seems even that does nothing
says its not intentional

  id rather be in the dark
if this is how it feels
it may not be but still

  im dysfunctional for sure
id stay pent up in the dark
it seems that way know its not

  i wish i could get away
its nice there with the mushrooms
its inescapable i guess

  in the blink of an eye gone
in the dark full of it all the time
i feel empathetic to them

  in a fraction of a second fly away
in the comfort of its serenity
in its embracing arms always there

  i feel alone again and I dont like it
i feel like im not wanted and its dragging me down
i know its not meant like that as i said my perception is off
i try to get through but havent found a way

  i want to be close when its being pulled away
i want to be close but there is nothing in front of me when i reach out
i want to walk beside not follow or lead ill even carry but no
i want to not feel this way so i can be the me i know me to be

  i must like being the lowly little thing
i keep taking everything wrong so i do it to myself
its the only conclusion i like the punishment
is that it thats what ive been clamoring on about how lonely i am and how i feel like a mushroom and that i dont like to be alone and that i keep yammering on about it all the time taking everything wrong again like i cant do anything right again its the same old song and story even when someone else is telling it right down to the brass tax of all the sordid details of it is what it is i guess it is this way that when its gone i want it to stay and when its here i dont ever want it to go away and i dont mean stay as in never come back more like never have left no i prefer rite even if its wrong i know ive done a lot of it as late im glad im not but then i have a watch so i shouldnt be but here i am once again running at the mouth of a river thats been opened up and gushing out is all of this this confusion and chaos that festers here inside this ear to hear with which i have done to keep myself from getting hurt but seems it not to work because i havent put it up didnt need too hide away from here id like to but it wouldnt prove my point that reading all of this garble might that i feel like the words here look all strung together no discernible point to stop on just a lot of tangled mess of nerves and frayed misfires and take a step back to see the fray that done i am i know i should have been done a long time ago i said i loved a girl and then i got hurt and we all know how the story goes to where i can write another one that makes since to me so i can understand the break thats needed from me to you id give my all and everything i do is for a reason too that might not be apparent now i will try again and maybe get it right in front of me where i can see and this wont be gone again the nerve to say whats on my mind my manners i do to say to you that this really hurts to know a break is needed from the what i didnt do what was done to you know i said im through but had to say again i dont know what to think but in the back of my mind i know i do it too so why cant i see past this thing that makes me feel like this so loved and cared for that she loves me as i love her and it really isnt me im just afraid im paranoid say whatever you like i know now that im taking it wrong twisting it past its means stretching it beyond its strength to withstand this thing called a rollercoaster ride of your life get in sit down hold on and scream at the top of you twisted little head for the door no more the reason to stay has overwhelmed me once again so here i am take it or leave it this is me alone in the im afraid of the dark outside the place i hide away from where i stay at home alone in a crowd full of people i go to the church to see the steeple that comes to a point of which i know none about this thing that makes me want to shout out loud above the clouds of crowds so i can see in front of me to understand the problem at hand the break she needed to take it away from here the pain you feel because of that shell get it back i know she will but still this is how i feel...

Oct 27, 2010

Author's Note

Ignore grammar and spelling issues please, but feel free to critique this piece.