We Are No Better Than the Bum

I have lived and risen through these ashes

I've been where other have gone and

I have survived where others have not

I have pulled myself up out of the gutter

to which so many find themselves

wallowing in their own disgust and mire

I have risen a phoenix through the fire

 

So many have found a home

where no other has been offered

in the streets where the worst that can happen

they are all to often coffered

I have held fast to the will to live

I have become better

for the struggle through the fight

 

I have survived to tell of hardship

and endurance in that long-suffering

cold and callused night

This is not the place for pity

nor the purpose of their fall

They have come this way, to hostile isles

for reasons beyond the maul

 

But they are cast aside

and made to hide from one and all

Pushed and pulled, poked and prodded

this way and that, the lowly and the desperate

are made to go

Out of mind and so far out of sight

they are the forgotten in the fray

 

In our struggles to find ourselves

to build ourselves

to solve that which cannot be solved

we have left behind and kicked aside

the things which made no sense

and since we have no desire

we wish not to revisit those things we would rather forget

 

We have cast away and allowed to stray

the poor and the week

the desperate and the meek

the addict and the sober

the sick and the hungry

the wretched and the well

Yet we are no better than the bum.

Reviews

[Ashira Macy]

This is really an amazing work of art. I always love when you do pieces commenting on society and its flaws because you are not afraid to punch people right in the gut with the truth. It is true, we would rather wallow in our own problems than pay any attention to those who need it the most. I miss the days when I was a child and I would acknowledge every homeless person I saw, even if I couldn't give them money. At the very least I could spare a hello. Nowadays I find myself succumbing to the agoraphobia epidemic, as loathe as I am to admit it. Well done, you really had me thinking critically on this one.

[realmwriter]

Glad that I did. Happy that you look inside yourself. And thank you very much. You are not wrong.

[Briana O'Connor]

Very well said. Such a powerful execution of an inspiring message.

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much. I am pleased that you like it.

[AprilRN1210]

This is why I tell everyone that you do REAL, RAW so well Derick... this is so powerful.. it is honest, truth that resonates so strongly with me.. I know exactly what those struggles feel like and how hard it is to dig yourself out of the gutters of life, literally and metaphorically... I know you know as well.. this is expressed with such depth of passion, emotion... your phrasing and flow were done beautifully...

Did notice a couple of things.. my opinion, I know... for what it is worth.. wouldn't be me, if I didn't share..

"I've been where other have gone and".. recommend an (s) on the end of other...

"in the streets where the worst that can happen"... not sure if "that" is needed here.. read it both ways.. I dunno

"they are all to(o) often coffered"...

"the poor and the week".. did you mean weak?

overall, this was awesome... you are so passionate and talented and it shines in this one... I thoroughly enjoyed..

[realmwriter]

Thank you for pointing out those little typos. I edit as I go and sometimes I miss things. But when I read back through the piece, somehow, I still miss them. *shrugs* not sure how that happens. I will fix all of them. I am very happy that you liked it and I am humbled by your review. It really means a lot to me that you would take the time to compliment my work and that you can identify with it so succinctly. I am only capable of writing what I know. And as I have changed my opinions and grown to accept those of others I have come to reflect that change in my work. But I still refuse to shy away from truth and the values with which we all so desperately need to learn again and again, ten fold. Thank you again April. You are a genuine soul and a lovely person with whom I am glad to count a friend.

[AprilRN1210]

awwwwww, you are such a sweetheart, Derick.. thank you... I, too am blessed to call you friend... and you're welcome... always a pleasure.. write what we know, what we feel, and what we dream.. that is all we can do.. and you do this well.. ((hugs)) to ya!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A tasteful and insightful look at the struggles felt by many, well done.

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much. Glad that you liked it.

[MomzillaNC]

An eloquent testament of the struggle on the edges of society. That fringe place is so easily forgotten and you eloquently highlight the fact.

NOTES: I recommend a different font. Courier is largely being abandoned in publication because it's not the most readable font face: the character spacing and tracking make it hard on the eyes. Times fonts or Georgia or Palatino are the preferred serif fonts these days and are highly readable. Helvetica is pretty universally readable for a san-serif font face.

[realmwriter]

I am very glad that you liked it. Thank you. You noted the font and I was looking at that myself. I think that I will change it. The spacing is rather odd.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. I notice you did change the font. Don't you feel it flows much better visually?

[realmwriter]

Indeed I do. Not really sure why I used currier, maybe cause I liked how ruff it looked. But this is better visually, makes it easier to read.

[MomzillaNC]

I chose the font face Impact for my harsher poems, such as "Walking."

[realmwriter]

I used Impact for "A C Dawg F**K YOU"

[MomzillaNC]

I saw that. No offense, but, because it's not the type of poetry I gravitate to, I didn't comment. However, the strike through isn't beneficial to that poem. The change in color could be very effective, but I recommend you go more deliberate in your choice differentiation -- say the main body in black and the impact words and statements in the darker red. The brighter red can be difficult on the eyes for a body of copy. Basic rule of thumb is to keep color for accents most of the time.

[realmwriter]

I will take that into account. Thank you. Glad someone points these things out to me.

[MomzillaNC]

Well, I hope that folks will share pointers with me on improving my work. I may not take the advice, but I'm always glad of it. To me, the whole point of this forum is to grow as a writer and to help other writers do the same. :D

[realmwriter]

Indeed it is. I would give pointers but I don't believe myself qualified to do so. I make too many grammatical errors and such. But I certainly do appreciate the ones that I get.

[MomzillaNC]

You have terrific content. All the rest is finesse and that comes with time and experience.

[MomzillaNC]

I recommend you read great literature… really well crafted works. That's the best way to absorb the lessons. You're eyes become accustomed to a certain way of laying things out on the page and you just naturally acquire that finesse.

[realmwriter]

I will do that. Any suggestions as to who? The obvious of course: Shakespeare , Tolstoy, Poe.

[MomzillaNC]

For more modern sources, I highly recommend Peter Mayle and Georgette Heyer. Both authors are so erudite… so well written that they're words beg to be read aloud. Their writings are so descriptive that the images crafted with their words become indelibly imprinted in your memory. And, their use of punctuation is flawless. Wodehouse and Georgette Heyer are also masterful writers of behavior. Of course, the greats aren't to missed: Charles Dickens, Poe, Emily Dickens, Oscar Wilde, E.E. Cummings, Steinbeck, Byron, Dumas, Tolstoy, and so very many more!

Writers write always. Great writers read always… then write.

[realmwriter]

I'll will take this under advisement and run with it. Thank you for the suggestions. I am sure they will be of great value to me.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. And, enjoy!

[realmwriter]

A poem I just wrote. Sort of took the title from your "Whisper Me A Kiss" sorry about that. I read your piece and was inspired to write this. Some reason this computer, or sight at the moment, isn't allowing me to send RR's

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/scribbeler36/1423764/

[MomzillaNC]

I've left a review.

[realmwriter]

Thank you. Sorry about that. The problem seems to have corrected itself.

[MomzillaNC]

I had to jump through a few hoops to get it to leave the review, but I got it to go through finally.

[realmwriter]

Perhaps it is the sight. I have experienced a similar issue as well.

[MomzillaNC]

It does seem the site is rather wonky at times. Many times I've been unable to post at all on Noel's works. He's the only one I haven't been able to find a way to make the site work properly though. If I fiddle enough with it, soon or late, I've been able to get everyone else's pages to work.

[realmwriter]

I've had the most trouble with Aprils page for some reason. I love the word "wonky" it's fun. I don't understand. Are there moderators on this sight and or the sights creator? Perhaps they or he/she could address these issues.

[MomzillaNC]

There are developers. I'm sure there's a means to access them and request they address these ongoing issues.

[realmwriter]

Perhaps we should all give it a try. Might work.

[MomzillaNC]

I think you may be correct. Maybe someone should start a group just to bug the developers with all these troublesome little glitches.

[realmwriter]

Indeed... Maybe I will. Seeing as how you have beset me the challenge.

[MomzillaNC]

It means gathering people who have the inclination to collect all the data about the glitches and keep pushing it at the developers until they do something.

[realmwriter]

Not sure if I am capable of such a feet, but I guess it never hurts to try right.

[MomzillaNC]

Well, if you find yourself capable of such "feet" let me know. The "feat" of being capable of such "feet" eludes me! :D :D :D

[realmwriter]

oops. wrong word there and unable to edit. My bad. *smiles and shrugs*

[MomzillaNC]

Yeah, spell check can't help the wrong grammatical form. Having been a beta reader for many years and worked in print publishing even more years, I might be just a bit more attuned to stuff like that than the average reader.

[realmwriter]

Some spell checks and auto correct actually do help with grammar. But certainly not this computers spell check.

[MomzillaNC]

You likely have to turn on the grammar check function in the preferences.

[realmwriter]

I am on a library computer and I can't actually do that. Patrons are shut out of pretty much everything that has to do with changing any settings. Sad I know.

[MomzillaNC]

Sigh… I remember the traipsing to the library to use the computer days. Just makes ya tired!

[realmwriter]

Yeah it does.

[R Smith]

a monumental work of art, a speech of a kind, could have been a Kennedy or a Gandhi, comes from the pen of a poet well versed in the world and its woes, makes us realize our worth and the things we value have no value in the light of compassion, thank you my friend, another for my library :)

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much, I am glad that you liked it. And in your library. I am thankful for that as well. Kennedy never had the chance to prove how good of a President he could have been. And being compared to Gandhi, I am flabbergasted.

[R Smith]

you are very welcome :)

[Lyn Anderson]

You are right, of course, it isn't a matter of better, but a matter of understanding where each is coming from and differentiating between help and enabling. It's a tough line.

[realmwriter]

Thank you so much KL, I am very glad that you liked it. Seems, at least from my perspective, that understanding is something we as a society are sorely lacking in.