Dreaming Deja Vu

 Deja Vu remember you

Been here before, twice I knew.

New dreams to tell of the unknown

this can't be real, must be alone.

Surfaced memories rent to bone

Heated tension, relentless tone.

Boiled, seething beneath the snow

Once look around before to go.

Glancing back at my own fate,

chills false memories dissipate.

 

 Deja Vu I turn my head

Look around though none are dead.

Creeping thoughts still pry inside

Emptiness of black I cannot hide.

Been here, done this, but not the same

played to win to lose the game.

Imagined what, thought I to see

Looking over the brink of insanity.

Headaches cleared to lift the fog

Waited down in stench of bog.

 

 Memories of limping past reality blurred at the edge

Look ahead to what can't be seen, alternate the inbetween.

Once more I trip into the mire to dance with patient throes of desire.

Middle ground I slowly drown, gasp for breath, pin up my frown.

Follow all that isn't there to stand upon my, I've been where?

Repeat the same, what's that I said? Deja Vu is in my head.

Stop to pause, to catch my breath, breath no more, my one last death.

Dreams of fragments broken glass, slip the shards of faintest gasp.

Grasp for light, grasp for dark, figment of imagination was just a spark

Illusions aren't just what they seem, I've been here before, this is no dream.

 

 

Reviews

[CHRIS ANDES]

nice choice of words
:)

[realmwriter]

Thank You Very Much...!

[CHRIS ANDES]

;)

[Aarontastic]

Not to be picky, but you used 'throws' instead of 'throes' in the last paragraph, so a little oversight there. I enjoyed this poem, which is saying a lot because I don't usually care for rhymed verse because it can be constrictive. I felt like you were hemmed in by the nominal rhyme scheme and meter in the first two stanzas, but they are still coherent and sensible, so good job on that. I'd say it accurately conveys the wistfulness of dreaming and what it's like to have a recurring dream, or at least have similar situations and emotions recur in dreams.

[realmwriter]

I will attempt to make any neccacery and pertinant changes that will better reflect the state of emotions I was trying to convey. I didn't notice the incorect use of the word "throws" instead of "throes" thank you for pointing that out. Thank you also for your feedback, I really apreciate any opertunity to grow as a wrighter.

[That_Guy]

interesting thought, well done

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much...!

[afra]

great poem ....i enjoyed it ...keep it up

[realmwriter]

Thank You so much

[G. Marie"floating on an..]

My favorite subject---- Deja Vu! I have written many a poems with this subject matter in mind.
I like where you went with it.... it's different than mine. I like your ideas.
Only one suggestion if you don't mind a little critique...... if you could separate the stanza's it would make your poem not only look better but get your message across in a better way..... now thats just my opinion. I thinkit is an excellent poem and I loved the whirlwind of emotions that you spin here....... very clever!!!

[realmwriter]

I named my Daughter Deja and I am always thinking of her. This piece is more about me than anything. I am so far from her every day that I struggle with these emotions that are so difficult to pin down. Thank you for reading it...!

[Baby Ricochet]

Good job. I like the opening two lines particularly

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much...!

[That_Girl]

Has a slew of typos that need to be fixed but the poem is pretty good. :)

[realmwriter]

Would you polease be so kind as to point them out? They really do drive me batty. Again, Thank You.

[That_Girl]

Sure. Just give me a minute to type them out. :)

[That_Girl]

Line 3: Unknown (misspelled)
"Once look around before to go." This line confused me... the wording of it.
"Creaping thoughts still pry inside" *Creeping
"Imagined what, thought I to see" Again with wording...
"Waited down in stench of bog." *Weighed
"Look ahead to waht can't be seen, alternate the inbetween." *what
"Follow all that is nt there to stand upon my, I've been where?" *isn't
"Repeat the same, whats that I said? Deja Vu is in my head." *what's
"Dreams of fragments broken glass, slip the shards of faintest gasp.
Gasp for light, gasp for dark, figment of imagination was just a spark" Grasp?

"Illusions aren't just what they see, I've been here before, this is no dream." *seem

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much, Can't believe I didn't notice those. I will fix them shortly...!

[That_Girl]

You're welcome. :)

[That_Guy]

Line 1: remember spelled wrong

[That_Girl]

F**k! I missed that lol

[That_Guy]

;)

[That_Girl]

Damn you. ;)

[That_Guy]

haha

[realmwriter]

I fixed it. I have to look at the keys while I type and even then I get typos. Oh well can't catch them all I guess. Thank you both for reading and helping with my grammar mistakes.

[That_Guy]

No worries Mate, nice poem

[That_Girl]

Our pleasure. :)

[quinfinn]

excellent imagery, use of metaphor and meter...the last ten lines serve as a punctuation mark for the entire piece while totally coherent in meaning

[realmwriter]

Thank You so much. That really means a lot...!