I Am Not That

Number four of five at abluehorseandflowers.com

4. I Am Not That

Blackness presses all around

There's nothing I can do

In restraints shackles and chains

My hands and feet are bound

Can only think of all the wrongs

I've caused to those I love

God is not there to turn too

And I can't hear light-hearted songs

A barking dog feels like jolts

Of electricity

People's laughter frays my nerves

My temples clamped down by bolts

And temples we're now speaking of

They bring me no succor

Their solitude is grating

F**k you for this my God above

This is what a crash looks like

Emotions are too much

Smash a case of bottles down

In my arm I want a spike

It's all gone my patience

Decorum prevents a scream

Must retreat to my room

To make Death's acquaintance

But there's my pen and paper

They're waiting for my need

To get this poison out of me

Maybe I'll go meet Death later

I am not that says a voice

From somewhere deep within

It's poetry that make it real

There's always on more choice

So here I am not dead again

I'm not the only one

I'll sit with this one more day

By pouring out my pain

Looking back at my words

They're dark and harsh and mean

The paper's absorbed all my grief

By anger my pen was spurred

Accept my thanks You I cursed

My breathing is now calmed

A small smile bends my lips

I'm slightly past the worst