Chapter III: His Name Is Eyes.

Thanks for making it this far.

 

 

Chapter III: His Name Is Eyes 

“His name is eyes.” Serge tells Ballester. 

“What the f**k did you do to him?” Ballester asks. 

“I removed his ears, his nose, his tongue and teeth, and replaced them all with different eyes, and all are connected to his brain. He can see more now!” 

“How is he breathing?” 

“Had to punch a hole in his throat like they do with smokers who smoke too much, so that’s what he breathes through now. Well, that, and he has to be fed intravenously.” 

“That sounds like a pretty s****y way to live.” 

“Oh yeah, it must be hell for him! But, I don’t care.” 

“You’re a monster!” 

“Nah, he’s obviously the monster. I knew I’d make a great mad scientist one day.” 

“Oh, you’re mad all right.” 

“I already have another idea brewing!” 

“Yeah, that’s nice. Can I leave now?” 

“Yeah, sure, go ahead. Oh, you don’t have to map anymore, I built and sent out robotic drones to start scanning. I couldn’t wait forever for you to do it, especially since you haven’t strayed too far from here.” 

“That’s cause crazy s**t keeps happening.” 

“I want you to take Eyes with you.” 

“Ugh, do I have to?” 

“Yeah, I want to know how he is outside, how it affects him.” 

“I would imagine it’d be like this, just outside.” 

“Ah, so you think. Nature is slowly claiming the land back, don’t be surprised if you run into any more wild or feral animals.” 

“Like the bear?” 

“Yup, like the bear.” 

“If he’s deaf, how will I be able to get him do do what I need him to do?” 

“Pfft, I don’t know. He’s dumb as a post, so good f*****g luck.” 

“Great.” 

“Oh, and you know I’ll be watching.” He points to his eye. 

“Yeah, yeah, come on, Eyes.” He motions Eyes towards him, and he understands and follows Ballester outside. They walk in silence, with the exception of Eyes’ breathing tube for almost an entire day. Ballester and Eyes set up camp, and Ballester takes some food out of his pack and starts eating. He notices that Eyes’ bag is empty, so he takes some of the softest food he has, puts it in the bag with some water, and mashes it up. He reattaches the bag, and it starts to slowly drain. “You’re welcome, I guess.” Ballester says after Eyes points and claps at Ballester. All of his eyes blink randomly in no particular order instead of say, one at a time, or simultaneously. Ballester and Eyes wake up to the sound of wet slapping. Ballester looks around and sees a Scott f*****g a dog in the a*s. Ballester pulls the pin on a grenade, throws it, blowing them up. “Come on, Eyes.” Ballester motions for Eyes to follow him again. They start walking, but after about an hour, Ballester hears a low growling. “What the f**k?” He says to himself. Out of seemingly nowhere, a cougar pounces out of the woods, and they both start running. The cougar is chasing them, and it doesn’t look good for them as the cougar gains on them rather quickly. Unfortunately, not knowing the area causes Eyes, Ballester, and the cougar to run right off of a cliff and fall to their deaths. 

“Alright, bring Eyes back home, Ballester.” I tell him. He gets up, throws Eyes over his shoulder, and starts walking back towards the lab. Because I’m nice, I’m just going to fast forward Ballester’s journey back. Nothing interesting happened, all he did was jerk off before he went to sleep. 

“How could you let him die like that?” Serge asks Ballester. 

“What else was I supposed to do?” 

“You’re an action hero! You could have shot it!” 

“Huh. I guess so, huh?” 

“Now I’m not sure if I can bring him back to life or not. You’re a f*****g idiot, B.” 

“F**k you!” 

“Go f**k yourself.” 

“Kids, kids, stop fighting! Now look, at least Ballester listened to me and brought Eyes back. I promise you, I’ll try to find a way for you to bring him back.” I tell them. Jeez, kids! Am I right? Anyway, Gorgon shows up. 

“I have selected Section 22, Subsections A-F as my work area, is that acceptable?” Gorgon asks Serge. 

“That depends, what’s in there?” 

“A half finished Ecological Restoration Unit.” 

“Oh, yeah, I never got that thing to work. You can strip it for parts if need be, unless you can miraculously figure it out, then you can build one yourself to take with you.” Serge tells Gorgon. 

“Thank you, ruler Serge.” 

“You’re very welcome, Gorgon!” 

“Hey boss?” Ballester asks Serge as Gorgon walks away. 

“What?” Serge asks. 

“Why are you so nice to the alien?” 

“He’s a guest on our planet, doesn’t hurt to show a little courtesy.” 

“Yeah, but you’re giving him anything and everything! It’s not enough he and his people are looting the earth of all it’s precious metals and gems, but you give him, what was it called? And what does it do? It sounded important.” 

“It’s basically a machine that scrubs the Earth clean of radiation. I wanted to help the world once, I wanted to build something, that in case of devastation to mother earth in a nuclear annihilation, it not only cleans the earth, but restores water and soil back to its original form, as well as cleaning the air as it moves. I gave up because my calculations were always wrong and it was frustrating me.” 

“Wow, I can’t imagine you as a good guy scientist.” 

“It’s how I started, but as I realized how useless it was trying to help stupid people and people only out for themselves, I’ve slowly started hating humanity, and caring less and less about us as a whole. The accident completely destroyed that nagging part of me that tells me I’m doing something ethically wrong. That’s how I was easily able to make Eyes here. It still boggles me that Oswald died and we’re still here.” 

“Oh, I can answer that.” I tell them. “See, Oswald is a character in something else I wrote, and was never a part of this story to begin with, he didn’t belong here, but you needed an assistant, so rather than make up some random name, I threw in an Easter Egg. Though, now that I’ve mentioned it, it doesn’t make it an Easter Egg anymore. Oh well.” They just look at each other and continue talking. 

“So, what are you working on now?” Ballester asks Serge. 

“Oh, I’ve decided to genetically alter a cat by using Eyes’ discarded body parts to graft onto. And voila!” Serge shows off a cat with human lips, a human nose, and human ears, all where the cat’s parts were. “His name is Quonquonquin cat, and his meows are words, not sounds.” 

“Meow” Quonquonquin cat says. 

“That sounded almost human.” Ballester says. 

“Well, Eyes didn’t need vocal cords anymore, so while I was working on him, I took his vocal cords out and implanted them into the cat.” 

“That’s wild, dude.” 

“I’m a mad scientist, it’s what I do.” 

“So, can you bring him back?” 

“I don’t know, CAN I?” Serge says to me. 

“Ugh, fine.” I tell Serge. Eyes sits up, looks confused, and gets up. 

“I guess Eyes can’t go outside anymore if he’s just gonna die.” Serge tells Ballester. 

“That’s fine by me, dude was dragging me down.” 

“In the meantime, take Gorgon with you.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I said so.” 

“He’s got his own agenda though.” 

“Fine, but eventually, you’re going to pair up with someone, whether you like it or not.” 

“Do I have to?” 

“I just think it would be beter for you.” 

“Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m-” 

“-gonna smoke a fatty, I know.” 

“Cause you know everything.” 

“No, not everything.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like how this story is going to end, I’m just making it up as I go along.” I tell them. 

“See? He knows.” Serge says. 

“This is way too weird for me, I’m going to my room.” Ballester says. Ballester heads to his room, and meanwhile, a Scott sneaks into the lab and takes Serge by surprise. 

“What the f**k?” 

“Porn!” Scott yells. 

“Hmm...” Serge rubs his chin thoughtfully. He shocks Scott, knocking him out. He puts him in a freezer and closes it. “I’ll save you for later.” Serge turns around, and jumps, startled. “Oh s**t Eyes, I didn’t know you were standing there.” Serge writes down what he just said and shows Eyes. Eyes writes back that he likes pizza and has to s**t. Serge writes down directions to the bathroom, and Eyes leaves. Meanwhile, Ballester is in his room, when he gets an idea. He goes to Gorgon’s base and approaches him. 

“Yo, Gorgon.” Ballester says. 

“Ah, Ballester, what can I do for you my friend?” 

“Well, considering I haven’t encountered any living human females, I was wondering if I could ask one of your females to get nasty?” 

“Elaborate.” 

“I’m horny.” 

“Oh! You and your boss may each have one female of your choosing.” 

“Just one, huh?” 

“That’s the deal.” 

“How do I know they’d be willing to go with me?” 

“They’re as curious as you are, as I am too. If you do find a living female, bring her to me.” 

“Fine.” 

“Would you like a screening to find the most compatible partner, or would you rather just pick one?” 

“A screening?” 

“Yes, you fill out this questionnaire and I will feed it through the computer, and it will tell us which of my crew you’d be most compatible with.” 

“That’s actually not a bad idea, if I’m going to get stuck with just one, best to make sure we get along.” Ballester fills it out, it gets screened, and a tough looking female alien pops up on the screen.” 

“Gorgax, wow. I didn’t think there would be anyone in the galaxy compatible with her.” 

“I guess she’s hot.” Ballester shrugs. “What does she do?” 

“She is head of security, and our munitions expert.” 

“Definitely sounds like my kinda lady.” 

“Yes, that was the point.” 

“Thank you.” Ballester tells me. Aaawww, isn’t that nice? Let’s hope he doesn’t piss me off. “So, where is this lovely lady?” Ballester asks Gorgon. 

“She is out in the field, leading a group of the crew to scavenge. She is currently... Let’s see here...” Gorgon checks the computer. “About 50 miles north of our current position.” 

“That’s a hell of a walk, guess I could always take my car.” 

“I will alert her of your arrival. I am sure she will be looking forward to meeting you.” 

“Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about!” Ballester hops in his car, and heads north.