Chapter II: Gorgon, the Corn Dealer

If you liked the first chapter enough to make it this far, thanks!

Chapter II: Gorgon, the Corn Dealer 

“-ck?” Ballester says as he lands on the alien ship. 

“Hello, welcome human to our ship.” A tall, green alien with bug eyes says to Ballester. 

“What?” 

“I’m sorry, is my translation matrix malfunctioning?” 

“It’s working fine, I can understand you, it’s just surprising you know our language.” 

“We were passing by your system when we saw the event occur on your world.” 

“Yeah, most of the world is dead.” 

“Oh my, then you will need food, correct?” 

“Actually, we’re pretty good on food for now.” 

“Ah, but I bet you don’t have this on your planet!” He opens a crate and takes out an ear of corn. 

“Corn?” 

“So you are familiar with this plant species, then?” 

“Yeah, farmers grew it for food and filler.” 

“Then you are aware of it’s properties as a superfood? How many pallets of seed do you need?” 

“I didn’t bring any money with me...” 

“It’s ok, just trade us some more of your horned livestock.” 

“More?” 

“Yes, every fifty years or so, we come back to this system and leave corn and take some cattle as payment. Our ancestors made a deal with your ancestors that we could have cattle in exchange for leaving the healthiest vegetable known throughout the galaxy: corn!” 

"Look, I’m not in a position to make any deals here. Why don’t you drop me off down there, and you know what? You can talk to my boss, he runs the world now, you can make a deal with him.” 

“Well, sure. Take me to your leader.” Ballester starts laughing. “Do I amuse you?” 

“I didn’t know you guys actually said that, I thought that was just something on tv.” 

“What are you talking about?" 

“Never mind, just land this thing and let’s go see Serge." 

“The name of your leader is ‘Serge’?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“It is quite unusual.” 

“What’s your name?” 

“Gorgon.” 

“I’m Ballester.” Gorgon goes to his control panel and presses some buttons, causing the craft to land. As it’s descending towards Earth, the gravity yanks the ship and pulls it in faster than anticipated. “What’s going on?” 

“There appears to be gaseous heavy metals in the ionosphere, it’s having a magnetic effect on the ship.” The ship crashes, but everyone on board survives. “It appears we are stranded until we can get our ship fixed.” 

“Well, at least there’s nobody around, humans have yet to encounter alien life.” Ballester, Gorgon, and the rest of the aliens leave the ship. Gorgon signals some very complex hand signals to the other aliens, who split off into pairs and start walking. “What did you just say to them?” 

“To find a place to settle down, we will be on your planet for an extended period.” 

“There’s plenty of abandoned cities and towns to choose from, though you might have to get rid of some corpses.” 

“Understood, let us go to see Serge.” They get into a random vehicle that Ballester hot wires and head to the lab. 

“What’s up, B?” Serge asks Ballester. 

“Mister Gorgon here wants to talk to you.” Ballester says. 

“Ah, an alien! I was hoping to see you one day. Boy, all those artists really captured the shape of your head and eyes really well.” Serge says. 

“I thought humans had never encountered aliens before?” Gorgon says smugly. “Even though I told you my ancestors met your ancestors to do trade.”  

“That was the widely accepted rumor.” Serge tells Gorgon. “Some people swear they’ve met you, but the general opinion is that those people are crazy. Now what’s this about our ancestors?” 

“Thousands of years ago, my people stopped on this planet for a survey. We had no idea this planet was populated and our people were captured by the savages living here. After calibrating a translator, our two species were able to communicate. My people traded a surplus of corn they had brought from the Cob planet for some cattle the savages were eating and wearing. We have made a centennial run and spoken with the current leader to make the trade. Since the middle of your nineteenth century, we cut that time in half because of the exponential growth of your planet. We weren’t due to stop by yet, but we saw the shockwave from space. We figured the planet would be a desolate place, and you would need more of our super vegetable!” 

“Super vegetable?” 

“Yes, leader Serge, corn!” 

“Corn? You’ve gotta be kidding.” 

“Why? What's wrong with corn?” 

“There’s hardly any nutritional value. Sure there’s some vitamins and minerals, but not enough for any significance.” 

“What makes you think that?” Gorgon asks nervously. 

“Most people know that, we use corn for animal feed and also as a treat, an ingredient, or side dish. Look, sorry that you came all this way, but we’ve got enough food, we don’t need any more corn.” 

“Actually, we’re stranded on your planet.” 

“Oh?” 

“There is a magnetic force that sucked our ship down to the planet.” 

“It was probably the mercury I used.” 

“What?” Ballester asks, shocked. God said you used uranium!” 

“I did use uranium, as a power source, I still had to fuel it with something.” They look up at me. 

“What?” I ask. 

“You didn’t mention mercury.” Ballester says. 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you, I can do anything I want! You’re lucky I haven’t intervened yet, you d***o.” Know what? Just for that, the top of Ballester’s head changes shape to resemble the head of a penis. 

“Aaaahhh! Change it back, change it back!” Ballester shouts. Hmmm, should I? Nah, he’s riding out the rest of this chapter looking like this. “What? You’re shitting me!” 

“I could make you look like this the rest of the book...” 

“N-no, that’s all right, really.” 

“Thought so.” 

“Who is that?” Gorgon asks. 

“He runs our lives, it’s best not to piss him off.” Serge tells Gorgon. 

“I see that.” 

“All right, what do you need for your ship?” Serge asks Gorgon. 

“We need what you humans refer to as ‘precious metals’ and ‘gemstones’. They have been difficult to acquire during our trips here. At first, it was because they hadn’t been unearthed yet, and once your people learned of the value, we ended up having to trade more than corn. During our last three trips, we had to trade technology in addition to the normal deal. I can see it’s served humanity well, and not so well as well.” 

“Well, I have enough of that stuff for my machines to last me, so whatever you find on this planet is yours. You didn’t seem to have a large compliment when you landed, so you might end up searching for a few years at the least. Good thing is, there’s hardly anyone to get in your way.” 

“How did you see us land from here?” 

“Notice my eye?” 

“Yeah...” 

“I see everything the Almighty Creator sees, except I don’t believe that there’s only 50 people left on Earth if 90% of the population is gone.” F**k. 

“Alright, so it’s closer to 900,000. But it’s so spread out, and I don’t care about them, it’s not like you’re going to meet them all anyway. I don’t even think I have 50 characters lined up, but the world is so empty, the likelihood of you running into non character people is slim to none. Can we not nitpick at the semantics here?” I tell them. Geez, some people. 

“Look, if you can convince people to buy corn, go ahead and try.” Serge tells Gorgon. “Your people can still raid the earth, but only places where what you need is hidden. I assume you have technology that can detect it?” Serge asks Gorgon. 

“Affirmative. Gorgon tells Serge. 

“Good. Are you the leader of your people?” 

“I am in charge of the ship that we’re flying, but no, the leader is back on our home planet.” 

“Gotcha. You can stay here with me and Ballester. I’m sure you can set yourself up a base somewhere for you to keep in touch with your crew. This lab is huge, I’m sure you can find an adequate place, I just hope our technology is compatible.” 

“Oh, I will make it work, of course our technology is compatible. It was my species that introduced it to yours in the first place.” 

“So does that mean we can have space ships?” 

“Has humanity left the solar system yet?” 

“No.” 

“Then no, your people wouldn’t be able to handle it, it requires dimensions you are still unfamiliar with.” 

“Look, if you’re going to raid my planet and take all the metals and gemstones, we’re going to need an alternative. It’s that, or I rescind my decision and have God kill you.” 

“Fine, we won’t be able to teach you how to shoot and withstand black holes, but we can teach you warp drive.” 

“Hold on, what?” 

“Our ships can withstand the pressure of black holes and use them to transport to anywhere in the galaxy in an instant. Our ship shoots the black holes, and we just let ourselves get sucked in. Because the ship is malleable enough to withstand the pressure, we stretch for a fraction of a second before we snap back into shape somewhere else. We’ve perfected the technology to a point where we can choose where we want to end up. To do that, we need certain metals and gemstones which are rare on your planet and common on ours. But you’re right, if we’re going to clean your planet out, you’re going to need an alternative.” 

“Glad we have an understanding. You can have Oswald’s room, not like he’s going to be needing it anymore.” Serge hands him Oswald’s room key. 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“Don’t make me regret it.” 

“If you do, you can execute me yourself.” 

“Good deal.” Gorgon leaves. 

“So boss, are you sure you can trust these aliens? For all we know, they could be plotting to take over.” 

“You heard him, if I can’t, I get to kill him.” 

“I just hope you know what you’re doing.” 

“I’m motherfucking ultimate ruler of the universe! Of course I know what I’m doing, I share the Lord’s sight, remember? That’s why I can call you a pig f*****g piece of s**t and you won’t do anything about it.” 

“Yeah, you’re right, I AM a pig f*****g piece of s**t. HEY!” Hahahahahaha, it’s good to be God. “I hate you so much.” Ballester tells me. 

“I love you too!” I tell him. Kids, ya know? 

“Do you need anything from me cause I wanna smoke a fatty.” 

“Hey Serge, you should show Ballester your newest project!” 

“Which one?” 

“The newest member of the family.” 

“Oh yeah!” Serge leaves the room and comes back with Jason, but his face isn’t quite right...