Chapter IX: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Chapter IX: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

November 10, 2022

Dear Diary:

So, I caved in and slept with Richard last night, he’s been showering me with gifts that he finds, some of it in really good condition. Makes me wonder if he picks in more than just junkyards. Tomorrow I go with him and his cholos picking. I hope I don’t have to listen to country music, usually his radio station is classic rock, but he sometimes switches. Country music is like nails on a chalkboard for me. I’m nervous about going picking, just because of the germs if nothing else. But, I did this to myself, we got really drunk, and had sloppy sex in my room and then he left, telling me he’ll see me at work tomorrow. Great, just great, but hey, at least this means he trusts me enough to know what he does for a living. He’s been patient, this whole time, maybe his patience ran out. I don’t blame him, I could tell he was getting antsy. It’s a miracle he lasted this long. I know how guys can be, and they usually don’t like to wait. But I had to wait with him, and I think it paid off. I’m a little more comfortable around the cholos too. They’re just regular guys who just happen to dress like gangsters cause they like rap. Looks like I had nothing to worry about, and I’ve spent enough time around Richard that I do genuinely care for him. This is a new road for me, I can’t wait to find out what’s at the end. I’m not too old to be a mom yet, so there’s always that possibility. I won’t name them no white trash name though. I actually wanna name it a Spanish name, not sure if he’d go for that though. Meh, there’s plenty of time for that, it’s too early in our relationship to even consider kids, we haven’t even talked about it yet. Well, I gotta get to bed, they’re picking me up at five.
Sandra ends up waking up at nine. No messages, no calls. She calls Richard. “Did you go without me? Oh, I woke you? Sorry. Nah, I can be ready by then.” About a half an hour later, Richard and his cholos pull up. Sandra gets in the passenger seat. “So, where are we going?”
Some old lady asked us to clean out her garage, and she’s gonna pay us for it. Your job is to talk to the old lady, if she keeps stopping to talk to us every five minutes, we’ll never get done.” Richard says.
“Ok, I can do that!”
“Good, if ya do a good job, yeh can pick somethin ya like!”
“Um, thanks?” I chuckle.
“No problem, only the best for mah lady.” We stop at a house, and an old lady answers the door.
“Oh, hello. Did you come for the junk in the garage and the basement?” She asks.
“Oh, I thought we were just doing the garage, ma’am.” Richard says.
“Oh, no, I’m paying you $500 for both jobs, not just one.”
“My misunderstanding, missus. This here is mah girl Sandy, she’ll keep ya company while we handle yer junk.”
“Thank you ever so much.”
“So, what’s your name?” Sandra asks, as the men get to work.
“Ethel Brandendow.” she replies.
“Sandra Zircon.”
“Like the jewel?”
“Yes! Not many people know that, they just assume it’s spelled wrong or it’s fake or something.”
“Interesting surname.”
“That’s because generations ago, during the coal mining boom, one of my ancestors kept finding tons of zirconium along the coal, and he sold so much and became rich, so he changed his last name to Zircon, because he loved it so much. Unfortunately, when people stopped digging for coal, he wasn’t allowed to continue digging either, so he saved whatever he had left, and passed it on generation after generation. So much time has passed, that my grandparents and parents had to get jobs, but for awhile, my family was rich. I like being named after a jewel, it makes me feel special.”
“That’s nice to hear, dearie.”
“So tell me about yourself.”
“Well, I was born in 1945, after the end of the second world war. My dad died in the war, and mom never remarried, it was just me and her growing up, I met my husband at a rally for the Vietnam war.”
“Were you a hippie?” Sandra interrupts.
“Matter of fact, I was.”
“That is so cool, tell me more.”
“I actually ended up arrested at a protest. Mom wasn’t happy, but I felt the cause was justifiable. Anyway, we got married in the seventies and had two kids. I haven’t heard from them in a while.” She looks sad.
“I’m sure you’ll hear from them.”
“I hope so, dearie. Will you excuse me? I have to go to the bathroom.” She makes her way upstairs and Richard comes in.
“Where’s the old lady?” He whispers.
“She just went upstairs to the bathroom.”
“Ok.” He goes upstairs.
“Where are you going?”
“Just wanna see the rest of the house.”
“That’s an invasion of privacy!”
“It’s cool.” He comes back downstairs, and so does the old woman.
“Oh, are you done already?” She asks Richard.
“Yes’m. Would you like to see for yourself?’
“Sure.” she says. Richard, me, and the old lady go to the basement first, cleaned out. “Wow, so thorough! Good job! Now let’s go see the garage.” We all go to the garage. Cleaned out too, and I see the bed of the truck crammed with the old lady’s stuff. “Wow, you did such an amazing job, you’ve definitely earned your money!” We follow her into the house.
“Gonna have to ask you for an extra hundred, ma’am, that was more than we expected to move.” Richard tells her.
“But I can’t afford that much extra.”
“That’s a nice watch, there.” He points to a watch in a clear box on the mantle.
“Oh yes, it used to belong to my husband, it’s a family heirloom, I plan on giving it to my son on his birthday.”
“Can I have it since you can’t afford the other hundred?”
“Oh no, I can’t do that!”
“Fine, I’ll take your money.” She opens her purse and takes out the money and he yanks it out of her hand and counts it. “Thanks, I guess.”
“How rude!” She walks and turns her back. Richard swipes the watch without anyone looking.
“C’mon, babe. Let’s go, some people around here are cheap.” Sandra and Richard go back to the truck, where the cholos are already inside.
“You could have been nicer to her.” Sandra tells Richard.
“She said five hundred for the garage, she said nothin’ bout no basement!”
“Well, don’t you think five hundred is a lot for just cleaning out a garage?”
“Yeah, that’s why I took it, it was supposed to be easy!”
“Look, you got paid, that’s what matters.”
“Yeah, I guess. He splits the money between him and the cholos.
“Do I get any?”
“You can pick something nice out of what we got.”
“Oh...ok...”

November 11, 2022

Dear Diary:

Well, that was an interesting day. I had to keep some old lady busy while the guys took care of the lifting. She seemed interesting, but if that’s my job, I really don’t want it. I’m not a people person anymore. Too much hurt in life has me not as talkative to strangers as I used to be. Good timing too, cause I just got my settlement money in, so I don’t have to rely on him for money or anyone else again! I didn’t like Richard’s behavior towards the old lady, he could have been nicer to her. I didn’t even get any money, and there wasn’t anything in the piles of crap that I wanted, so I got nothing out of it. Whatever, like I said, I’m finally taken care of. Now I have the option of not doing that again. At least it wasn’t in a dump, it was in a nice little old lady’s house. I already messaged him and told him I’m not going, I wanna sleep in tomorrow. He said no problem, he has to sort what he didn’t scrap. Fine by me, I just wanna chill, I’m feeling a little nauseous anyway. Maybe it was all the cigarettes he was smoking. I quit, so I don’t like the smell, and it doesn’t make me want one. Well, I’m going to bed, I’m gonna pass out hard, I hit up Francine’s after Richard dropped me off at home.
The next day, as Sandra is enjoying her dream, it’s interrupted by her phone ringing. She answers it. “Wha-?” She asks groggily. She checks the time, quarter after five.
“Are ya ready, hun?” Richard asks.
“For what?”
“We’re goin’ pickin’, duh!”
“Oh, I don’t wanna do that again, I’m not really a people person.”
“It’s ok, we just need ya to stay in the truck.”
“Why do you need me to do that?”
“Just, let’s go!” Sandra gets dressed and gets in the truck.
“Now what?”
“Just hold on.” They drive for a little while before ending up at a large house. “Now, if anyone pulls up to this house, call me, ok?”
“Are they expecting you?”
“Sorta. We figured we’d get a head start, so they’re expecting us, but not this early.”
“Oh, ok.” She yawns. “Just so you know, I don’t feel so good, so can you not smoke around me please?”
“Alright, hun. I’ll smoke outside the truck from now on.”
“That’s not what I just said, just today, I feel nauseous.”
“Ohh, alright.” The guys get out of the truck and head towards the backyard of the house. Sandra just sits there and watches people’s day go by. Occasionally, one of the guys comes by with something to load into the back of the truck. Eventually, everyone gets back into the truck.
“Light haul today?”
“Yeahup.”
“Didn’t you get paid?”
“They said they’ll mail a check.” He starts the truck and starts driving.
“Weird, but ok.” He drops Sandra off at her house. She goes back upstairs and falls asleep. She has a frightening dream involving Richard.

November 12, 2022

Dear Diary:
I had this really weird dream, and I don’t know what to make of it. For one, Richard and his cholos were laughing at me. An embryo rolls off of the table and smashes. They continue laughing and shooting their guns, and then the Death woman appeared, and I woke up. I had to get up and write this down as soon as I had it, it could be an omen. I usually don’t believe in that kind of stuff, but too many coincidences in my life tell me otherwise. I woke up still nauseous, I’m going to see if I can squeeze an appointment in today. I feel sick, but without feeling like I have a cold or flu or something. Maybe it was something I ate? The cigarette smoke? I hope to get this all figured out.

November 12 (continued)

Dear Diary:
So, I’m pregnant. That’s right, I just wrote that down, I’m pregnant. I don’t know if I should tell anyone yet, after all, it’s only the size of a pinhead right now, what if I can’t carry it to term? I don’t wanna get people’s hopes up just yet. I won’t tell Richard until I start showing, he may be the father, but I’m not ready to tell him today. Maybe when we go out for my birthday, I’ll tell him. Yeah, we’ll be having a romantic dinner, it’ll be the perfect atmosphere. I just wonder what his reaction will be. I hope a good one, hell, I’ll take incomprehensible babbling over anger. It’s not what I quite expected, but I think I’ll fake sick the whole week, I really don’t feel like seeing him right now. Is that bad? I don’t know, I’m so nervous about the whole thing. I feel like I should tell somebody, but I don’t want anyone to know. I’m pretty tired, think it’s time for a nap.

November 13, 2022

Dear Diary:
I saw Steve last night, I wasn’t expecting him to show up. He said the same thing I did, that I never thought I’d end up with someone like him. He said if it’s a boy to consider naming it after him. I think maybe I might, it’s a nice name after all. Wow, it took thirty five years to become a mother, I didn’t think I’d have to wait so long. Better late than never, I guess. I wanna tell my dad or my brother or my sister, but like I said, I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. Maybe if I last the first three months, I’ll tell people. Yeah, that seems about right. The only people to know are me and Richard. Although, I do wanna tell Francine, but I’m not telling people. Ugh, this is so hard, why can’t I just tell people? It’s not guaranteed to grow. Why? Because I'm too old to be having my first baby! Says who? Says the medical reports that problems with children begin around this age and chances increase every year. Well, it’s not definite. No, it’s not, you could be forty and have a healthy baby. It depends on genetics and other factors. But what about my genes? My body is broken, I don’t wanna pass that on to some poor kid, and then having mister yeehaw as his dad? It’s my fault, I slept with him, still. I don’t know what I should do? This is my only chance to become a mother. Do I take it, or do I take it out to spare it from having a bad life? How do I know it’ll be a bad life? Because that feeling I got when I first met him is back. Maybe I should split up with him, and not tell him about the baby. I’d rather the kid be raised by family, than by him. Especially if he’s stealing, I have a bad feeling he does more thatn scrap, I think he raids the place afterwards. Oh god, am I seriously having a baby with a criminal? It sickens me to think that might be true. I really hope not. Steve kept telling me to get out. I wonder if he means I should leave Richard and raise this baby away from him, no child of mine is going to be a thief! I’ve come to a decision. I’m going to break up with him on my birthday dinner, not tell him about the baby, hope we can end it amicably. Hopefully his cholos won’t be around, I asked him not to bring them, but they always happen to show up anyway. I decided to spend some of my settlement money making a reservation at a fancy restaurant. Now that I think about it, breaking up with him in that kind of setting seems kinda mean. But I really want lobster and I already paid. This is my life, my choice, and I don’t need any negativity in my life. I don’t think he’d fit well in our house, either. I’m so scared, I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. Of course I’m doing the right thing, it’s for the baby, and it’s for my sanity. Not like he knows about little Steve. And I hope he never does.

November 18, 2022

Dear Diary:

Well, this is it, it’s crunch time. Tomorrow I split up with Richard. I’m so scared, I don’t know how he’ll react. What if he gets violent? My head is swimming with all these ideas and thing and I can’t turn it off. I can’t smoke or drink cause I’m pregnant, I think I’m going to lose my mind! I told Francine, she promised not to tell anyone. I had to tell someone, there’s no way I could hold it in for three months. My dad will be a good father figure, he was for me, at least. Luckily, it’s only been a few months, so I’m not really attached to him. He doesn’t seem like he wants to be with me either except to get inside me. He doesn’t ask much, so I give it to him when he does. At least he doesn’t think I’m fat, he calls me ‘meaty’. I’m going to miss silly quirks of those that he has, but I’m looking at the big picture here, which is raising my baby in a positive environment, and I don’t think Richard could provide that, his house is filthy, that’s why I never wanna go over there. It would take me a year to get that house clean. He doesn’t pick up after his dogs either, which I stepped in one time I went there. I can’t live in a house like that, I won’t, I refuse to. Turns out all I needed in this life was a sperm donor, cause spending time with him got exhausting, and he drank while he drove. I’m definitely doing the right thing here.