Chapter VII: Seething Hatred

Chapter VII: Seething Hatred

May 24, 2022

Dear Diary:

I can’t stand it here, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells here. Yesterday, Simon didn’t wanna walk the dog in the rain, so he forced me to do it. He’s such a f*****g a*****e, I don’t know how Lizzie loves him so much. They call each other ‘my love’ and it’s disgusting, especially since their relationship is based on cheating on their partners while they were in the Army together. He got married and the divorce wasn’t even finalized when they got together. I hardly ever see Jade anymore, everyone stays in the attic, which is their area of the house. It makes me sad that I don’t have the kind of relationship with my niece that I hoped for, especially since I don’t have any kids of my own yet. At least I still have Francine’s kids, I’m their godmother, but Jade is blood and barely knows who I am, despite the fact that we’ve spent some time together. Ever since my sister and her boyfriend’s kids spend all their time with their parents in the multiroom attic, it’s become their whole world, and I wonder if Simon tells the kids bad things about us, if we’re even mentioned at all. I gave Jade a present for her birthday the other day, and she said, “Thank you, um...” and I had to remind her I’m tia Sandy, and she repeated me and went upstairs. We live in the same house and she doesn’t even remember my name, it makes me cry, because what the f**k? The lease is almost up, I’m not looking forward to another year with these people. That sounds so horrible, but it’s true. I’m not even allowed to spend the night at Francine’s because I have to be here to clean up after them, like I’m their f*****g maid. I hate Simon’s treatment towards Randall and Kyle, he’s such a homophobe. He claims he’s not, but he always calls them nasty names, and laughs, saying he’s just kidding. I can tell in my brother’s eyes that he wants to punch him in the face, but he’s bigger than that, because he knows Lizzie is going to get in the middle of it, and then we all end up hating each other even more. In fact, Simon was so cruel to Randall, that he left the house for a week to his friends’ house, just to escape. Lana is the same, she wants to smack Lizzie around for being such in love with a piece of s**t like Simon, but like Randall, she’s bigger than that. Same goes for me, I’d like nothing more than to just slam their heads together, but considering I’m in the lowest place in the house, I have no say on anything, I just have to sit here and take it, and I hate it so much. Well, I just heard them go upstairs, gonna go do the dishes, I guess.
Sandra heads downstairs and tackles the mountain of dishes left behind, taking her around half an hour because of the caked on, burnt food. She heads up the stairs, and hears her dad and Lizzie talking. “So, we found a place on the other side of downtown, so no, you don’t have to worry about us being on the lease.” Lizzie says.
“What’s going on?” Sandra asks.
“We were figuring out the new lease.” Maxx tells her.
“Oh? So what’s going on?”
“We’re moving, fatso.” Simon says.
“Oh, thank God.” Sandra whispers to herself.
“What did you just say?”
“I-” Simon pushes her back down the stairs.
“F*****g b***h.”
“What the f**k was that for???” Maxx yells at Simon.
“She f*****g deserved it, she has it easy, all she does is stay home all day! And she has the audacity to be thankful we’re leaving? F**k her!”
“That’s my f*****g daughter you’re talking about! Apologize!”
“No, she f*****g deserved it!”
“I can’t wait for you to leave too! What are you going to do about it?” Simon punches Maxx in the face and they get into a fight. Lizzie breaks them up.
“How dare you, dad? How could you attack my boyfriend like that?” Lizzie yells at Maxx.
“Are you serious? I’m your father!”
“Well, you sure don’t act like it! You’ve always hated our relationship!”
“I tried, ok? But this a*****e complicates things!” Maxx points to Simon.
“Well guess what, dad? I love him, and me and Jade are going with him and the kids, and I’ll make sure you never see any of them again!”
“What’s wrong with you? How can you choose him over your own family? He picks fights with all of us! He’s an awful person!”
“That’s cause you don’t know him like I do, he’s sweet, and loving, and caring, and he loves me and Jade so much!”
“Alright, I see you’ve made your decision. You have until the end of the month.” Maxx goes into his room, Simon and Lizzie make their way to the attic, and Sandra waits for the door to close to go back upstairs and to her room.

Dear Diary:

Well, my wish finally came true! I don’t have to suffer another year with them! It sounds terrible, but I feel so happy! This means I may never see my niece again, which makes me incredibly sad. For the first time in two years, I’ll finally have peace! This time next week, they’ll be out of here! I’m so excited! I wonder if that means I can stop being their slave. I think I’ll go celebrate at Francine’s. Talk to you later.
Sandra goes to Francine’s house and is immediately greeted by her oldest son. “Auntie Sandy!” He says as he hugs her. This makes Sandra cry a little bit.
“What’s wrong?” Francine asks.
“This is the kind of relationship I wanted with my own blood niece, but my sister is being a b***h about it, I never see her, she already forgot who I am. Sandra says.
“That sucks, but at least you have my kids. Here, hit this. She passes the pipe.
“Thanks. They’re leaving next week, the lease is up and they found a new place to live.”
“That’s good, right?”
“Oh, definitely, except that I may never see my niece ever again.”
“Oh, that sucks.”
“Yeah, one of my siblings breeds, and I don’t even get to see the next generation grow up.”
“Maybe you’ll have kids of your own one day.”
“I feel like I’m getting too old for that. I’m almost 35, my eggs are only good for so long before complications get higher, and I still have to find someone first, which I’m still on the fence about. So there’s a possibility I’ll never have kids.”
“Maybe go to a sperm bank or something?”
“I can’t afford that, and I’m pretty sure my insurance doesn’t cover it. I don’t have enough to adopt either.”
“Then I don’t know what to tell ya.”
“Exactly. Thanks for being there for me.”
“That’s what best friends do.” Sandra hangs out for a few hours before she gets back home. There’s dishes in the sink, and she ignores them and goes to bed.

Dear Diary:

My feelings are so mixed right now, I’m happy they’re leaving, sad that I’ll possibly never see my niece again. Francine is right, I still have her kids to call me auntie. I love them, but it’s not quite the same. It does make me feel good that they like seeing me and want me to stick around, so I should be grateful for that at least. I saw the pile of dishes they left in the sink, but f**k them, a*****e pushed me down the f*****g stairs, they can do their own damn dishes.

May 31, 2022

It didn’t take very long, but Simon and Lizzie finally got their s**t out of the house, and left a whole bunch of trash behind. Typical, they’d have stacks of dishes at the bottom of the attic stairs along with the ones in the sink. It took my brother and his boyfriend at least three hours just to clean up after them, they’re taking the attic. Randall’s friend and his girlfriend are taking their old room, so I’m getting new neighbors, haha. It’s only been a few hours since Lizzie and Simon left, and I’m already starting to feel better. This is a peace I haven’t felt in a long time, I forgot how it could feel. Maybe Steve is right, maybe I should give dating one more chance, maybe when this one dies, it won’t hurt so much since I’ll barely know them, unless we’re together for years. I don’t know, but I’m going to throw my net out there, do online dating. Without Simon and Lizzie here, I could bring him home without them getting into his ear. Wow, I’m already predicting his death, and I don’t even know who it is yet. But it’s the way my life seems to be going. Dare I even try? Why should I endanger someone else’s life because I don’t wanna die alone? Am I insane? They say the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results, and so far, my past three boyfriends have died. Samson and Carl got out unscathed, but Jack, Tad, and Charlie... didn’t...Oh my god. JTC, that’s what Death meant during that trip all those years ago... She was warning me. Selfishness, Selflessness, Sacrifice. It makes so much sense now, of course, everything does in hindsight, doesn’t it? Maybe I’m safe now, because so far she hasn’t given me any warning about anyone else, maybe the curse is finally broken! I’m gonna do it, I’m going to try and date again! Wish me luck!

Sandra heads to Francine’s house. “Well, you look pretty chipper today.” Francine says.
“That’s how much better I feel since they left the house.”
“Wow, that’s like, overnight.”
“Almost, yeah.”
“Cool, that’s cool.”
“Yeah, plus, I’m uh, going to try dating again.”
“Oh yeah? What about your curse?”
“I think my curse is over. JTC, do you remember I told you that I was told?”
“No.”
“Years ago, during one of my first acid trips, this white skinned woman in all black told me selfishness, selflessness, sacrifice, and JTC.”
“Ok, that makes no sense.”
“It didn’t make sense to me either, but I figured it out: Jack killed himself out of selfishness, Tad’s sacrificed himself because it was either me or him who was gonna die that night, and Charlie, selflessly dated me knowing the risks, but he loved me too much to care about his own safety. Jack, Tad, Charlie- JTC.”
“Wow, how’d you get all that from that?”
“I’m an overthinker.”
“Gotcha. So, you’re going to date again, why?”
“Those were the only warnings I got, I think my curse is finally lifted!”
“Good, so I won’t have to hear you cry about how you’re poison?”
“Exactly.”
“Good. You’re my friend and all, but goddamn, you wouldn’t stop with that.”
“Well, put yourself in my shoes, how would you handle it?”
“Drugs, probably.”
“That’s why I drank so much. And it all started with the abusive relationship I had with Jack, and then the depression of everyone dying on me, it sucked, I didn’t wanna deal with reality anymore.”
“Yeah, well, it sounds like a new chapter for you is just beginning.”
“Hah, let’s sure hope so. Pass that s**t.”

May 31, 2022 (Continued)

Dear Diary:

Maybe Francine is right, maybe the best chapter of my life is coming soon! I’d like to think that, but my history makes me nervous. I guess you’ll never know if you never try, right? So I guess I’m going to give it a go. I’d say what do I have to lose, but we both know the answer to that. I wish I knew the future so I’d know what to do, but then again, I guess we all do. Life is one of the, if not the biggest gamble we ever make, and the odds don’t seem to be in my favor, but I can’t give up, I’m not even forty yet. But my traumatic past with love makes me feel much older, like I’ve lived so many lives in these past eleven years. I’ve met and said goodbye to so many people. Besides, who knows how long it’ll take me to even find someone? Well, guess I’ll find out, or not.
The next day, Sandra is super cleaning the house. “Whatcha doin’ there, Sandy?” Maxx asks.
“Cleaning Lizzie and Simon’s stink off of the house.”
“It’s looking better already!”
“Thanks dad, have a good day, I love you.”
“You too, Sandy.” Her dad leaves. A couple of hours later, Lana comes downstairs.
“Has anyone stopped by?” Lana asks.
“No, why, you expecting somebody?”
“Yeah, my boyfriend.”
“You have a boyfriend?”
“Yeah.”
“Since when?”
“Couple years.”
“What? And you didn’t tell anyone?”
“No, sorry. It’s just been so chaotic in this house for so long, I didn’t wanna bring him over.”
“I guess I can understand that, but you could have at least told us!”
“Sorry, but I did now!” She shrugs.
“What’s his name?”
“Javier, we went to school together.”
“I cannot believe you kept this secret from us! Especially me, I’m your big sister!”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, does he make you happy?”
“Then that’s what matters, unless he turns out like Simon.”
“Oh, he’s not, trust me. And if he treats any of you like Simon does, I’ll just break up with him, I’m not gonna have him diss my family like Lizzie lets Simon.”
“That’s all I ask. Does dad know?”
“He kinda figured it out, he caught me on the phone, talking excitedly with him.”
“Only person left to tell is Randall.”
“He uh, knows too.”
“So I’m the last to know?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“Whatever, you kids have fun.”
“Kid? I’m 19!”
“Compared to me, you’re still a kid. I changed your diapers and helped take care of you when you were a baby. There is a knock on the door, and a short, Hispanic guy is at the door. “Javier?”
“Yeah, is Lana home?” he asks.
“Yeah, she’s right there.” He runs up to her and gives her a kiss.
“I missed you, babe.”
“I missed you too!” Lana says.
“So, who’s that?”
“I’m Sandra, nice to meet you.”
“Javier, nice to meet you too.”
“You kids have fun, I got some cleaning to do.” Sandra says.
“Kids?” Javier asks.
“I’ll explain later, come on, I got a new game I wanna play with you!” Lana tells Javier. They go upstairs, and Sandra resumes cleaning.