Part IV: 7 Months Later

Part IV: 7 Months Later

February 13, 2010

Dear Diary:
A lot has happened in the past six months, for one thing, we’re not living at Rachel’s house anymore. We moved out like, a month ago because we found out she was stealing from us. So, me and Lizzie moved into Michael and Sara’s house. It’s a little more comfortable than that mouse hole I was living in before. Turns out the room was filled with white mold. Gross, no wonder I started to feel sick and have a few seizures. It was hot and gross in the summer and got really cold once fall hit, and even colder in winter; the room was pretty much sealed, except for one hole in the wall for the shared water pipe with the house next to us. Anyway, since being at Michael and Sara’s I’m in a room with heat, air, and electricity. It’s going ok, although to pitch in I have to do their dishes, and their dishes are gross. I have learned one thing though, living with Michael from a within my own morals standpoint, I hate what he’s become since he finished school. He’s fat and lazy, lies on the couch and watches tv all day, and eats snacks. Sara comes home from work, makes dinner, and takes the dogs out. He takes control of her paycheck because ‘he’s the man of the house’ and takes care of food, snacks, whatever he wants for himself, and whatever is left try to use for some bills, and then complains he’s behind. I love Michael as my best friend, always has been since we were kids, but it’s like he’s different. He wanted to do all these things, but he’s a shut in. Now he obsesses over everything he watches or listens to, and that’s become his life. I enjoy my share of fangirling, but it’s not my life. It’s sad, but it’s reality, and the fact that he picks on Sara for little things is pretty sad, I feel for her. Sara just takes it quietly most of the time, and does as she’s told, and it’s almost like she’s afraid of him. I’m not sure I wanna continue being friends with someone who uses their spouse as a mind slave. If we had actually done what everybody joked about in high school, that would have been me right now, and I’m glad I dodged that bullet. But, unfortunately, he continues to joke about, in front of his wife, that he’d divorce her and marry me. I’ve told him how that’s not funny, yet he still continues to do it. I sympathize with his wife because I know how it could have turned out, and she probably feels trapped in a hell. In other news, I’m better when it comes to Jack, I only cry twice a day now, when I wake up and go to sleep. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship just yet, but I may have a fling or two, as long as there’s no emotional attachment. I do miss Jack, but at the same time, I don’t; it’s weird. When he was pleasant to be around, he was the most wonderful boyfriend, but that was rarely. Mostly, he was a pain in my a*s who treated me like s**t… still, I sort of miss him. I still have mixed feelings about the whole thing, it’s sad to see a person’s entire life end in one split second of stupidity, yet I’m kind of glad he’s dead as horrible as that sounds, but he’s just not the type of person I need in my life. He was verbally and sometimes physically abusive, which got me to drinking… weed is a personal choice, the drinking wasn’t. He wasn’t kidding when he called me an alcoholic because he caught me with my flask once. I took it with me every time I was with him because then I would just stay quiet, except when I drank too much and picked up his instigations instead of ignoring them. It got so bad, that I started getting in the habit of bringing my flask to school, because he would message me during class, but I quickly found out it was easier to shut off my phone than risk getting caught with liquor in my purse. I stopped after he caught me and saved it for special occasions and parties, but that didn’t stop him from calling me an alcoholic every time after. In hindsight, maybe he was right, because if I hadn’t gotten drunk, I wouldn’t have come up with that stupid challenge to his ego. I wouldn’t have taken drugs, he wouldn’t have tried to match my ridiculous demands, he wouldn’t have knocked me out to have sex with me, I wouldn’t have tried to match him, and he wouldn’t want have wanted to end it with a game of Russian Roulette, and now he’s dead. I’m still not quite sure if I can forgive myself for this or if it’ll hang over my head forever. I’m actually surprised I haven’t been binge drinking since it happened; the only time I did binge drink since it happened was when there was a party at Francine and Lawrence’s house. Well, speaking of which, I’m going there tomorrow. Good night.

The next day, Sandra goes to Francine’s. “Hey, watcha guys doing?” she asks.
“Watching the news.” Francine replies.
“Why?”
“People we know.” Sandra sits down and watches.
“-and the puppies have never been happier.” the news report continues.
“Great story there, Amy, who knew euthanasia could be represented so cutely? In other news, a major drug bust in our area leads to one suicide, one attempted suicide, and a possible double homicide as one of the victims was pregnant, totaling in 12 arrests. Zakk Phillips, 33, one of the main suppliers responsible for the recent drug spike in Swampy Fields, was found dead among drugs and a minigun from an apparent overdose. Sydd Xero, 22, a customer and mule of Philips was arrested for the possible double homicide of Janis Lynn Walker, 21, who was pregnant at the time of her death as she was pushed in front of an oncoming 18 wheeler by Xero. Xero is planning on using the insanity defense as he was the attempted suicide in that he was overdosed on a variety of drugs. He will also be facing other charges because of his connection with Philips. Rob Serfass, 22, and Carmella Sanchez, 19, were charged with possession, distribution, and conspiracy. Nine other arrests relating to Philips drug ring, Marco Pablaso, Joan Gariso, Fred Hernandez, and Gary Lindson were also charged with possession, distribution, and conspiracy. Alfred Smith, Michael Rivera, Amy Pentakos, and Taniqua O’Connor for possession and distribution. And there is still one at large, a former criminal who now has a bounty on his head: Brian Toibles, 31, was Zakk’s co operator and is considered dangerous. Any information contact Gwinbodson County police. Toibles may be operating under an alias. And this just in: Carlos Burgsov, the supposed ringleader of which Philips was second in command, has now been apprehended at the airport. More to come as our details update.”
“Coming up on Channel 27 news: Are cat memes causing your children to smash bananas on their forehead in a new craze dubbed ‘Meowme Banana Smoshing’? and, a live report at the Geriatrics’ Center for the Mentally and Physically Disabled as our own Stacy Pamos tells us about their three hour presentation of ‘Under Where?’. After these messages.”
“Mom, the cat is making that weird noise again!” says kid number one. The cat meows.
“Oh, it’s just meowing honey.” Says the mom.
“But it’s scary.” The cat meows again.
“Here, maybe this will help you feel better.” The mom brings over a bowl of black and white cereal.
“Wow, Sergi-O’s, my favorite!”
“There, are you all better now?”
“No!” The kid says with a smile. The cat bleats.
“Oh, Mr. Saltypants!” The kid and the mom say together, laughing at the cat as the cat continues bleating, a bark and a neigh accidentally get thrown in there as the editing was terrible.
“Burlcanico. The only block of spaghetti made with sheep’s blood in the sauce. Available at most automotive retail outlets, made by Skamko!” The announcer says. The three of them just look at the tv in shock.
“Wow, see? I told you that Zakk dude was bad news.” Sandra says.
“Yeah, yeah, so you were right, so what?” Lawrence says. “You fucked a murderer.”
“Oh my God, you’re right!”
“Yeah. Think about that.”
“I don’t want to.” Sandra says as she groans in disgust.
“Wow, that whole thing was really fucked up, though.” Francine says.
“Yeah, yeah it was. Huh. Surprised you guys didn’t get caught.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Because you regularly dealt with that guy.”
“Yeah, but see, we’re careful, we know what we’re doing.”
“You seem pretty sure of yourselves.”
“Uh, yeah. We’re practically untraceable.”
“How?”
“Just shut the f**k up and stop asking questions, we’re fine, aren’t we?”
“Yeah…”
“Then drop it.”
“Fine, but where are you gonna get your stuff from now?”
“We got sources.”
“Wow, you’re pretty tied up into this, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, we got a good racket going on.”
“And no one is a threat to you?”
“Eh, if anyone tries anything, we’ll make sure to make it look like an accident.” Lawrence says.
“You’re crazy.”
“Maybe so, but at least we have a plan. What if somebody found out you had procured some of your little habits from him as well?”
“I’d probably just deal with it, but since I’m out, as well as you are, whoever we get it from won’t be from him and there’s no evidence against us since it’s gone. So maybe we should stop with these rhetoricals, there’s no winner when two friends fight against each other with the intent to beat the other one. Truce?”
“Yeah…” They shake hands.
“Though there’s an alternate version of me somewhere who’s not so lucky…” She looks up and zones out. “Mmm, good stuff.”
“Think she noticed the difference?” Francine says to Lawrence.
“Nope.” Lawrence says.

February 15, 2010

Dear Diary:
I can’t believe I fooled around with a future killer. My life just keeps getting more and more ridiculous, I’m starting to feel more nervous than I used to, now that all this stuff has gone down. On one hand, I’m glad Zakk’s dead, because I couldn’t risk getting in trouble because I’ve met him more than once. Francine and Lawrence seem pretty damn sure of themselves that they’ll never get caught. What a load of bullshit, they’re nowhere near as subtle as people in their position should be. This doesn’t mean I’ll stop going over there, though but I will be more wary of the people that come over. I’ve seen some typical and not so typical addicts come over. Mostly for weed or pills, but occasionally I don’t see people leaving with anything at all. I really hope they haven’t crossed over to the dark side and start selling the hard drugs. You know, it’s funny, I went to school with almost everybody listed in the news report, and I never knew that this is what would happen when we became adults, I thought everyone would have a typical life with someone they love, with a normal job, maybe kids. I didn’t think I was going to a school full of future criminals. Yeah, I expected a few, but the actual total of people that I’ve seen in the news since graduation is overwhelming, I lost count after twenty three last year sometime, eh, I don’t remember. Anyway, I gotta go to sleep, it’s getting late. We’re supposed to be doing something really fun involving the hot air balloons that Lawrence’s dad works with tomorrow. Good night.

The next day, Sandra wakes up on Francine’s couch. “Huh, no one’s up yet.” She turns on the television and starts watching. Two hours later, Lawrence opens up the door of his bedroom and waddles to the bathroom. “Hey Sunshine, what are we doing today?” Sandra asks.
“Huh? Uh, oh, I don’t know.” Lawrence mumbles.
“You said we were doing something today.”
“Yeah, I lied.”
“What? What the f**k?”
“I don’t feel like doing anything.” He goes into the bathroom, comes out, and goes back into his room and shuts the door. Two more hours later, they both come out of the room.
“You realize it’s eight o’clock, right?” Sandra says.
“Oh, s**t, really?” Francine says.
“Yeah, you guys wasted an entire day.”
“Yeah, so?”
“You guys on anything besides weed?”
“Whaddya mean?”
“Like, are you doing any drug that you wouldn’t normally do?”
“Nope.”
“Know what? See ya, I’m going home.” Sandra says, frustrated.
“But why?”
“Because you wasted my time, see ya later.” She leaves and starts walking in the direction of Michael’s house. On the way, she stops at the cemetery and searches for Jack’s grave. She finds it and sits Indian style next to the headstone. “Hey, it’s me, Sandy. Just wanted to let you know that though I’m not quite a hundred percent over you, I’m pretty damn close. To prove it, I’m going to start my hunt for a replacement. That being said, this will be my last visit so I can consistently achieve my goal without being distracted by coming to visit you and thinking about you. What you did was really stupid, and as cruel as it may sound, you deserved it. I’m no longer going to suffer because you wanted to be an idiot. Obviously, God didn’t want us to be together, which is good news for me, because this week was different from last week. I hope you understand, though you obviously have no choice in the matter. You’ll have a spot in my heart, though it won’t be big, and may eventually disappear. But I’ll never forget what you taught me: I can do better. Goodbye, Jack.” She gets up and continues towards her destination to Michael’s house. She stops for something to eat on the way, and finally reaches the house and knocks. Michael answers the door.
“Back from hanging out with your stoner friends?” Michael asks, smugly.
“Shut up…yeah.”
“Why are your pants dirty?”
“Said goodbye to Jack for the final time.”
“You’re finally moving on?”
“Yes Michael, yes I am.”
“Awesome!”
“Yeah… Is Lizzie home?”
“Yeah, she’s up in her room.”
“Thanks.” Sandra goes up to the attic. “Lizzie?”
“Yeah?” Lizzie says.
“What’s up?”
“You tell me.”
“I need to talk to you.” She pulls out a joint she was saving for Francine’s out of her purse and lights it. “So, I’m thinking of moving on.”
“Moving on from what?”
“Jack. I think it’s time I tried dating or something again.”
“Go for it, you really need it.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah, he’s gone, it’s time to forget about him and move on.”
“I feel like I’d be tarnishing his memory or something.”
“He was a bag of s**t, really?”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Look, the best way to get past this is to forget him and concentrate on other people, and before you know it, you’ll be back to normal.”
“Thanks, Lizzie, you’re the best.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I’m going to bed, night sis.”
“Night.” The next day, Sandra is watching television with Michael.
“I’m bored.” Sandra says.
“What do you wanna do?” Michael asks.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s helpful.” He says sarcastically.
“Well, all we do is watch tv.”
“Wanna watch a movie?”
“That’s kind of like the same thing.”
“Well, I don’t really know what to tell you.”
“That’s it? That’s all you can come up with?”
“Eh, I don’t feel like doing anything else.”
“Fine, I’m going out.”
“Have fun.” Sandra leaves. “Druggie.” Sandra heads to Francine’s house and knocks, Francine answers.
“Back already? I thought you were mad at us.” Francine says.
“I kinda am.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Because I wanna talk to you guys.”
“Come on in, we were getting ready for a bowl.”
“Aren’t you guys always?”
“Yeah, it sure seems that way, don’t it?” Sandra walks in, and sits on the couch opposite Francine and Lawrence. Francine starts things off and passes it to Lawrence. “So, what’d you wanna talk about?” Lawrence hits it.
“I think you guys might be on harder drugs.” Lawrence passes to Sandra.
“Aw, come on, you know us, you know what we do.” Sandra hits, passes to Francine.
“Yeah, but you guys have been acting weird lately.” Francine hits, passes to Lawrence.
“Weird, how?” Lawrence hits.
“Well, for one thing, the strange people coming over-“ Lawrence passes to Sandra.
“New customers.” Sandra hits it, passes to Francine.
“Ok, how bout the fact the other day we all went to bed at the same time, yet you woke up four hours after me?” Francine hits it.
“Euugh, kicked. Look, we sleep late all the time.”
“Not like that.”
“Look, you’re getting all worked up for nothing-“
“How about not selling weed as much, since that’s what was making you money in the first place. Something is going on, and it’s starting to scare me. I really care for you guys, you’re my best friend, Francine.”
“Wow, I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, so if there’s any problem, just lemme know, I’m there for you.”
“Really?”
“Being my best friend has its privileges, I had three others before you, but each ended for strange reasons, maybe I’ll tell you sometime. Anyway, I don’t wanna lose another one, because the hardest part of ending is having to start over and I’m on my fourth try.”
“That actually makes our friendship sound bad.”
“No, don’t take it that way, it’s just that every time I get a female best friend, it goes to s**t.”
“Who’s your male best friend?”
“Michael Deirson.”
“Really? That lardo?”
“Stop it, that’s not nice.”
“What’s he up to these days?”
“He’s married and lives with dogs.”
“Really? He’s married?”
“Yeah, can you believe it?”
“No way, I never would have seen that one coming! Who was the sorry sap of a woman that married him?”
“This girl from one of the other P.S’s.”
“Oh, so nobody from our school?”
“Yeah, I don’t recognize her.”
“Weird. Hey, you wanna play some video games?”
“Yes, please.”

February 18, 2010

Dear Diary:
So, I don’t really know what to make of this. I called Francine out about the possibility of being on any other drugs, and she denied it, and explained to me her reasoning. She claims that everything is as normal as things have ever been, but I still have the feeling that she might be lying to me. I can’t shake this feeling though, something still feels off. I know they’ve gotta be on something because they get so stoned that they practically fall asleep. I don’t know much about the harder drugs, but if I were to guess, I’d say heroin. They never seem to do it when I’m around, so it’s hard to catch them, but hey, maybe they’re telling the truth and I’m just talking out of my a*s or just being paranoid.
Either way, I’d like to be sure. Michael’s house is boring as s**t, I spend most of my time on my computer using the Interweb’s endless supply of information to learn absolutely everything about things that don’t really matter or serve no other purpose than to entertain. But learning about cartoons’ earlier incarnations and character name changes is more fun than watching tv shows I hate with someone who is asking me to get stuff for him constantly, since I’m under his roof. Not only that, but if I refuse, he puts on a boo-boo face to try to get his way. I only do what he wants only to get that look off of his face.
What’s really fucked up is that whenever he makes that face, I just want to give him a really hard slap across the face every time he does it so he learns never to do it again. It’s not cute, and it doesn’t make me want to sympathize with him, it makes me want to physically punish him for acting like a spoiled brat when he has no reason to be. I don’t know, I’m starting to have doubts about our friendship… I’ve mentioned it before, I hate what kind of person he’s become, and there’s really no reason for it. What else… oh, yeah! I think I’m pretty much over Jack, especially since after I visited his grave. I let it all out, and I feel so much better. I really think I may try dating, but I’m still not sure about full on relationships, I’ll start slow. Lizzie agrees that it’s ok for me to move on, and I think so too. I do have one exception to the rule, though, about going slow. The exception being that the person I’m with also happens to be a crush, though the chances for me are pretty slim. Ok, maybe I’m lying a little, I have dated three of my crushes, but all three ended in disaster. The first only lasted a week for the dumbest reason ever, the second one tricked me, and the third one killed himself. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna give up, though. I should probably head to bed soon, I’m hanging out with my friend Dana tomorrow. We talk on the computer all the time but we never hang out, so I’m going to do that, then. I actually have a bunch of friends like that… oh well. Good night, see you tomorrow.

The next day, Sandra catches a bus to the other end of the city to Dana’s house. She knocks and a short, fat, bucktoothed woman answers the door. “Hey Sandra, come in.” Dana says.
“How are you, Dana? It’s been awhile.” Sandra says.
“Yeah, that’s kind of my fault. I’m always busy.”
“Oh, so what have you been doing?”
“Just working, really.”
“Oh, nothing else going on?”
“Yeah, sorry. What’s up with you?” “
Well…” Sandra recounts the past year. “…but I think I’m ready to move on.”
“Wow, that’s really fucked up.”
“Yeah.”
“Hey, um, maybe I can help jump start your search.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, there’s this friend of mine, his name is Seth, though he’s not really my type, but you might like him.”
“Um, sure, I guess.”
“Cool, I’ll invite him over.”
“Um, ok.” Dana makes the call and ten minutes later, an average height redheaded guy shows up.
“Uhh, hi.” Seth says.
“Seth, Sandy. Sandy, Seth.” Dana says.
“Nice to uh, meet you.” Sandra says.
“Good to meet you too.” Seth says.
“Why don’t you guys go for a walk and get to know each other?” Dana says. Sandra and Seth go outside. They walk in silence for awhile.
“You’re very pretty, Sandy.” Seth says.
“Did you just call me Sandy?” Sandra says.
“Yeah, I did.”
“I don’t know you well enough for you to call me Sandy.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, you have pretty eyes, though.”
“Well, thank you.”
“Your hair is nice, too.”
“Um, thanks.”
“You’re welcome. You smell pretty.”
“Ok! Thank you!” Sandra says, exasperated.
“Oh, I’m sorry, am I making you mad? I don’t wanna make you mad.”
“No, no, it’s fine. Look, I’m not looking for a serious relationship just yet, I just got through a whole bunch of stuff involving my ex boyfriend-”
“Ex boyfriend, huh? I swear, if he hurt you, I’ll kill him; nobody should ever hurt you.”
“That’s actually quite inappropriate.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s dead.”
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, what happened?” he asks sympathetically.
“Look, I don’t know you that well to go into it.”
“Oh, ok, I understand.”
“Good, I’m glad.”
“Hey, um, how about we exchange numbers, you know, in case you ever want to talk.”
“Um, sure, I guess.” They trade numbers. “I’m uh, going back to Dana’s.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“S-sure…” They walk back in silence and arrive back at the house.
“So, how’d it go?” Dana asks.
“It went great, Dana. We’re dating now!” Seth says.
“Uh, woah, hold on there. No we’re not.” Sandra says.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. Sorry babe.”
“I’m not your girlfriend, Seth.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Just go home, Seth.” Dana says. He leaves.
“That guy was weird.” Sandra says.
“I’m sorry, I thought he was better, he sure never acted that way around me before.”
“It’s ok.” The next day, Sandra passes by Erica’s house on her way to see Francine, and runs into a familiar looking Hispanic guy with short black hair and a tattoo on his chest, showing through his tank top. “Excuse me, you look familiar, do I know you?”
“Yeah, actually I was a guest at the tattoo party, that’s where I got this.” He points at the tattoo. “The name’s Kyle.”
Sandra gasps, “You’re the one who stole the weed and the money!”
“Oh, s**t, that’s right!”
“You mean you forgot about that?”
“Honestly, yeah.”
“Why’d you do it?”
“The b***h I was with told me we’d split the spoils, but she took off with it.”
“That-sucks? Not sure how I feel about it.”
“Yeah, I understand.”
“Hey, uh, you wanna hang out sometime?”
“Sure, where?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come to my place.”
“Um, sure.” He gives her the address.
“When?”
“How about tomorrow?”
“Sure.” She blushes and he winks at her.

February 21, 2010

Dear Diary:
You know, I feel like I haven’t been home in like, forever it seems. It’s only been a few days, but I spend most of my time either at Francine’s or hanging out with other random people. Like, I was at Dana’s and she introduced me to this Seth guy and so we go for a walk, and he immediately is enamored with me. One compliment is fine, but he took it too far. He acted like we’ve known each other forever, and somehow got the impression that we were dating. Maybe I was too nice; thank God I won’t have to deal with him ever again, he gave me the creeps. I also met someone new yesterday. His name is Kyle, and he is so cute; he’s got dirty blonde hair, green eyes, his lightly tanned body is slightly muscular with a tattoo on his chest and his a*s looked great in those jeans. Mmm… We’re going to hang out later today at his place. Ooh, I wonder what we’re going to do. I’m thinking of asking him out. I hope he’s not with that b***h, I’d be upset. If he is, hey, at least I tried. Well, I’m going over to hang out with Kyle, wish me luck!

So, Sandra makes her way to Kyle’s house, knocks, and Kyle answers it. “Hey Sandy, come on in.” Sandra walks in, and sees a fourteen year old girl and a seventeen year old boy in the living room, sitting on the couch each smoking a cigarette.
“Oh, h-hi Kyle, what’s up?”
“Ah, you know, same s**t, different day. Blunt?”
“Wha- oh, yeah, sure.”
“Come on, let’s go to the basement.” So, Kyle and Sandra go down to the basement, and the teenagers follow. “Sandra this is my younger brother Cory and my younger sister Amy.”
“Aren’t they a little young to be smoking?”
“It’s alright, our dad lets us. He doesn’t mind this either.” Kyle lights and puffs the blunt and passes it to his brother who passes it to his sister who passes it to Sandra.
“Well, um o-ok then.” Sandra hits it and passes to Kyle.
“Hey, don’t worry, it’s fine.” Hit, pass.
“Yeah, but, I mean, this is kinda out of my moral code.”
“Everybody lives differently.” He winks.
Sandra blushes, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Hit, pass.
“You know, you’re pretty cool Sandra. Hit, pass.
“Oh, thanks Kyle, you think we could hang out again soon?”
“Sure.” Cory puts out the blunt and lights a cigarette, and so does everyone else. “You can have the roach for five bucks.”
“Ok.” She hands him the five dollars. Amy and Cory go back upstairs. “Hey, you wanna maybe go on a date?” Sandra asks.
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you?”
“I didn’t know if you would.”
“It’s fine, I accept.”
Sandra gasps, “Awesome, how about this weekend?”
“Sure, where?”
“I… don’t know, I’ll get back to you.”
“Ok, sounds good.” The next day, Sandra’s phone goes off, and sees that it’s a message from Seth. She ignores it and her phone buzzes again; and again it’s Seth. She ignores it, and her phone keeps buzzing, message after message. Her phone rings and she continues to ignore it. She walks out of Michael’s house when she almost steps on a box with her name on it. She opens it and sees cupcakes. She brings the box to Michael and goes back outside and sees a rustling in the bushes.
“Seth, is that you?” she asks. Seth pops out of the bushes.
“Yeah, it’s me.” he says.
“How’d you find out where I lived?”
“I followed you, silly.”
“Look. Please, just leave me alone.”
“For how long?”
“Try forever.”
“Oh. Ok.” He walks away.
“I hope he understood THAT.” She says to herself. She sends Kyle a message to meet her at the movie theater that night at eight. He sends back a confirmation. Later that night, she stands outside the front, waiting. She sends messages with no reply back and waits. When the movie is about to start, she goes in, buys a ticket and snacks and heads in. She ends up watching the entire movie by herself, all the while waiting for Kyle to show up. The movie ends, and she leaves. She immediately heads to the bar and orders a beer. After five, she leaves, goes home, and passes out on the bed. The next day, Sandra’s phone goes off. She checks her messages and sees one from Kyle, saying to meet him at his house. Sandra walks to Kyle’s house and walks in. A high school party involving lots of teenagers who are downing large amounts of alcohol and using drugs is going on. “What the hell is going on here?”
“Oh, hey, you made it. It’s my little sister’s fifteenth birthday party.” Kyle says. Amy runs up to Sandra.
“Glad you could make it.” She says drunkenly, then pukes on the floor. “Wooo! She runs in the other direction.
“Where were you last night?” Sandra asks.
“I’m sorry, I got caught up in some s**t, how about I make it up to you tomorrow? In the meantime, party!” Sandra grabs a drink and intercepts a bong rotation, throwing in her roach from the other day. She looks around the room, and sees Kyle’s dad mouthing to Sandra, ‘please don’t tell anyone.’ She finishes what was left of the bong and goes upstairs to Amy passed out on her bed. Uncomfortable with being there any longer, she leaves. The next evening, Sandra is standing outside of a bar waiting for Kyle. After about fifteen minutes after his scheduled arrival, she goes in and immediately orders a drink. Three hours pass before she finally decides to go home. She stumbles in the door.
“And where have you been?” Michael asks.
“Drink-“she burps. “-ing.”
“You said you’d be home at two. It’s 2:41 in the morning.”
“Yeah, so? I walked home.”
“How was your date?”
“He stood me up. Again.”
“Again? You mean he did this already?”
“Yup.”
“So why try again?”
“Everyone deserves a second chance.” She says as she stumbles her way upstairs.
“Sandra, come downstairs, there’s someone at the door for you!” Sandra hears Michael say the next day. She gets dressed and brushes her hair and walks downstairs, hoping its Kyle when she sees Seth standing there.
“What the hell do you want?” Sandra asks.
“Please, go out with me.” Seth says.
“No! What part of I don’t want to see you anymore don’t you get?”
“The ‘not anymore’ part.”
“Obviously. Now, get out of my face before I call the cops on you.”
“Yeah, but-“
“I said, NOW!” She slams the door on his face.
“I thought everybody deserved a second chance?” Michael asks.
“He already blew his before today. The jerk’s been stalking me, that was his final warning. Next time I WILL call the cops. She checks her phone, and the only new messages are from Francine and Seth.
“I give up.” Sandra says, exasperated. She walks back upstairs and lies back down.

February 25, 2010

Dear Diary:
I don’t know anymore, I- I give up. Not completely, obviously, I still have my whole life ahead of me. I should choose who I wanna date by sticking to people that I already know. Kyle stood me up twice with no reasonable explanation. He hasn’t been answering me back at all, it’s like he disappeared or something. Then there was Seth who continues to stalk me even though I told him to get lost already. I’ll put off dating for awhile and just focus on getting laid, because it’s probably a lot easier than trying to find a decent guy, and who knows, maybe I’ll come across a good enough guy to date, but for now, I figure I’m just going to go to bars and flirt with who I want and maybe get lucky in the process.
Well, tomorrow I start my adventure; I just hope there’s not a bunch of gross guys there, I don’t want a scumbag inside of me, just a decent looking guy would be nice. You know, the last time I got laid was the night Jack died, with Sydd; it’s kinda weird… One more thing, I’m planning on applying for a job soon, I can’t keep borrowing money to do s**t like this, it’s moochish and I don’t wanna be known as a mooch. Well, I’m heading to bed, big night ahead of me.

The next night, Sandra goes to a bar and starts drinking. Hours pass and so she leaves. This continues for about a week before she tries a bar specified for nerds. “Huh. Should have tried this place first, it’s decorated with all my favorite stuff.” She sits down and orders a drink. After a few drinks, a guy with short black hair and large black glasses approaches Sandra.
“How, how are you doing?” He asks nervously.
“I’m Sandra, and you are-?”
“Oh, I’m, I’m Adam.”
“Nice to meet you, Adam. I’m Sandra.”
“That’s awesome, you know, you’re kinda cute.”
“Uh, thanks, but I’m not looking for a relationship.”
“That’s ok, neither am I.”
“What are you asking for, then?”
“I don’t know, maybe a couple dates and then…?”
“How about we skip the dating part, like I said, I’m not ready for a relationship.”
“Oh, ok. So, do we like, plan this, or something?”
“No.” She sighs. “Is it possible to go back to your place?”
“Oh, sure. But we’ll have to be quiet, my parents are probably asleep.”
“How about you just come over my place?”
“Oh, that’s much better; yes.”
“Fine, let’s go.”
“Are you for serious?”
“Oh…don’t tell me you’re a virgin.”
“No, no, I’m not, I lost my virginity last year. I only live with my parents because I’m just not able to support myself yet.”
“You’re how old?”
“Twenty two.”
“Wow, ok. Let’s just go before this gets even more depressing.” They leave the bar and head back to Michael’s house and go upstairs to Sandra’s room.
“Are you ready?”
“Y-yeah, I think so, oh goodness I’m so nervous.”
“When was the last time you did this?”
“Last year.”
“Ho, boy.” Sandra begins to undress and so does Adam. They start to kiss and get into foreplay. They undress completely and get more into it. “Ouch! You’re not supposed to pinch that!”
“Whoops, sorry.”
“Ow! That’s not how you grab- just put it in, already.”
“I can’t, it won’t go up.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No, I’m sorry, here, let me try-“
“Ow! No, no, just- here, let me do it.”
“It’s not going up for you, either. Come on, you worthless dick!” They keep trying, but it ends up being a complete failure. “I-I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, you put in a valiant effort.”
“Thanks.”
“Here’s a cigarette for your trouble.” She hands him a cigarette.
“Thanks, but I don’t- eh, f**k it.” He lights it and smokes it, hacking violently. After the smoke, they get dressed. “Any chance we’ll get back together?”
“Nope, sorry.”
“It’s ok, I understand.” He leaves. Sandra falls asleep on her bed. The next day, Sandra gets up and goes different places to apply for a job. She goes to a total of ten different businesses before she calls it a day. She goes home, changes, and sits down to watch television with Sara and Michael.
“Hey, you guys wanna watch a movie?” She asks.
“Yeah, sure.” Michael says. “You down, Sara?”
“I could go for a movie.” Sara says.
“What do you guys wanna watch?” Sandra asks.
“Do you want to watch Phoenix?” Michael asks.
“Oh, yeah, I heard awesome things about that movie, but I’ve never seen it.”
“Well, pop it in.” Sandra finds the dvd and puts it in.
“You guys want a snack or something?”
“Bring me my chips.”
“I’ll take my box of chocolate cakes.” Sara says.
“Sure thing.” Sandra says. She goes to the kitchen and brings enough snacks and drinks for everybody. She sits down and they watch the movie. When the movie is over Sandra claps. “That was awesome.”
“Didn’t I tell you it was great?” Michael asks.
“Yeah, yeah you did. Oh, did I tell you? I applied for jobs today.”
“It’s about time, your lazy a*s does nothing around here.”
“What?”
“Yeah, you’re never home, and when you are, you don’t do the dishes or take out the trash like you’re supposed to.”
“What about you? You just lay there like a lump day after day while she works her a*s off all day and then cooks for your fat a*s, and then she does chores. If anyone is lazy here, it’s you.”
“How dare you?”
“How dare I? There’s a permanent dent in that couch.”
“So? It’s my couch.”
“That’s not the point, the point is, by living like this, you’re gonna die quicker.”
“I call bullshit.”
“Why?”
“Why? I-we have the power of the goddess to protect us.”
“So, you’re not concerned that your heart will fail, or you’ll get diabetes because you have your wiccan goddess to protect you?”
“I pray to her that I stay healthy no matter how I choose to live.”
“Why don’t you go out to find a job? It would really help you guys.”
“I can’t, because I broke my ankle back in high school, remember?”
“Because you were too fat then, and anyway that was seven years ago. You’re fine, now.”
“But it still kinda hurts when I stand.”
“Because you’re too damn fat!”
“How about you with your drugs and smoking, you’re probably gonna die quicker too.”
“Ok, first of all, yes, the smoking is bad and I should quit, but the weed helps my seizures.”
“Aw, gotta make an excuse for it?”
“At least I have a plausible excuse, what’s yours, you fat, gross pig?”
“Know what? Get out of my face, right now!”
“F**k you, I was only trying to help!”
“You’re a b***h!”
“And you’re an a*s!”
“I want you and your sister out by the end of the week! I’m sick of both of you!”
“Fine!”

March 2, 2010

Dear Diary:
What an interesting week. After bar hopping for like, four days, I finally got a bite at a nerd bar, go figure. Anyway, I met this guy Adam, and I figured ‘eh, why not?’ so he tells me we could go back to his place to screw, but his parents lived there. I wasn’t going to deal with that s**t so I brought him home with me. He was really nervous, and acted like a first timer. I don’t know if he was or wasn’t like he claimed, but, whatever. He kept hurting me during foreplay, he squeezed my c**t and gave me a double nurple so I just told him to put it in. It took him like, five minutes to put the condom on, like it’s so hard to do. After all that effort, he couldn’t get it in, so I just called it off and we had a cigarette instead. He gets an ‘A’ for effort though, I’ll give him that. Anyway, I put in a bunch of applications to like, ten different places, hoping I’ll get a job soon, especially since I’m going to have to find a new place to live. I got into a really huge fight with Michael about what a fat slob he’s become, and he didn’t take kindly to that. Long story short, he got so mad that he’s basically kicking us out. Only problem is, I’m not sure where to go from here, but I’m not giving up yet. I’ll find a place to go soon, I’m sure.

The next day, Sandra is at Francine and Lawrence’s. “Thanks for letting me crash here. My sister is staying at her friend’s house, but I don’t know where to go. I don’t want to move back in with my parents.” Sandra says.
“You can stay here if you want.” Francine says.
“Really?”
“Yeah, sure. We’ve got an extra room for ya.”
“Well, thanks!”
“No problem, I’m your best friend, right?”
“Yeah, yeah you are.”
“You wanna hit this?” She passes the bowl.
“Green hit? Hell yeah!” She hits it. “Did you get it?”
“The lucy? Yeah, you want it now?”
“Please. It’s been awhile, I think I’m ready.”
“Alright, here.” She hands her the tab of LSD and Sandra takes it. She walks over and sits on the couch. Jack and Steve walk into the room, and Steve pushes Jack over, and when he hits the ground, he dissolves with a fart noise. Steve continues walking and sits next to Sandra.
“Forget about him, he’s history. Good to see you out there again.” Steve says.
“Thanks, Steve. It’s nice to see you again.”
“Look, you’re a strong girl, death is a normal part of life, and it’s going to happen to people in your life more than once. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but life does go on.”
“But it’s so extreme, it’s permanent, and he just treated it like a joke.”
“Which just shows that he was the problem, not you.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“Trust me, it’s not your fault.”
“Alright, fine. What did you think of those guys I was with?”
“Substandard, Gamma males, Delta at best. Beta males at least have a chance, these guys were crap. That stalker, Seth? What a joke.”
“Haha, yeah, he was pretty pathetic.”
“I’m so sorry about that nerd.”
“Yeah, that sucked although I felt kind of bad about it.”
“I can understand that, and sorry you were stood up.”
“Oh well, I’ll survive.”
“Yes, yes you will. There are times when you won’t want to, but you can and you will overcome anything.”
“I love you so much, Steve.”
“I know, I love you too.”
“Really sucks you’re imaginary.”
“Not necessarily.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m sure I exist, you just have to find me... although I’ll be realistically someone else and not me, but you’ll know it’s me when you find me.”
“That sounds reassuring.”
“Maybe it’s someone you know already.”
“Really? You think so?”
“It’s possible.”
“I guess it is. Maybe it’s Charlie.”
“I like Charlie, he seems like he would be a good fit for you.”
“I love him so much.”
“Too bad he has a girlfriend.”
“I know, it sucks.”
“Then maybe you’re not meant to be.”
“But he’s perfect.”
“Nobody’s perfect.”
“He’s perfect for me.”
“Continue your search, you’re sure to find someone really good for you.”
“Oh yeah, like he’s gonna magically appear one day out of the blue.”
“Hey, you never know, life is funny that way.”
“Yeah, ok. For me? No way, I’m not that lucky.”
“Luck doesn’t exist.”
“Then what is it?”
“You know how they say everything happens for a reason? It’s cause it does. The death of Jack was beneficial for you considering that means no more abuse, no more assault, and it frees you up for anybody you want. He threatened your life, his death means you’re free.”
“You’re right, I am free.”
“He’s nothing but a memory, he can’t hurt you anymore.”
“So, what should I do? Should I actively seek someone out or let them come to me?”
“You should let them go to you, don’t rush it, when it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. That’s not to say you shouldn’t let people know you’re available. Puzzle pieces.” He smooshes his hands together and they end up looking like two puzzle pieces put together.
“Woah.” She tries doing it to herself but just ends up rubbing the back of her hands together, attempting, but failing to close them. “I can’t do it.”
“You’re stoned, babe.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Are you going to ever tell anybody about Jack?”
“Probably not, he’s dead now, so it doesn’t even matter.”
“Ok, I was just wondering.”
“Yeah.”
“So, listen. Keep an eye on your friends, don’t get sucked in. I know you love Francine and all, but just stay out of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
“What?”
“It’s in your gut.”
“Wha- ohhhhhhhh!”
“Yeahhh.”
“Alright, but I need to see it for myself to be sure.”
“They’ll make it obvious soon enough.”
“Damn it!”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok, I’ll work around it.”
“Ok, good to hear. Remember-”
“I know, don’t get involved, don’t worry, I don’t plan to.”
“Ok, good. I love you, I don’t want you to mess your life up.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. I promise.”
“Ok, be a good girl, I think I might be heading out soon, it was wonderful seeing you again.”
“You too, Steve. You too.” Steve gets up and walks away and Sandra passes out.

March 3, 2010

Dear Diary:
I tripped out and got to see Steve again, it’s always nice seeing him even though he’s not real. He’s right, it’s time to move on, fresh start, freedom. I actually feel better, this whole half of a year I’ve just been drinking and grieving over a piece of s**t that abused me. I don’t know why I loved him, he did horrible, sometimes illegal things to me and I still stayed. Maybe he was bluffing, but that wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. I’m glad he’s dead. There, I said it. I hope he’s rotting in Hell for what he did to me and possibly his other exes. I can’t ask that s**t he was with, she’s dead too. I guess I’ll never know. At least I’m still alive. I sorta wish I could have killed him myself, just because he’s such a piece of f*****g s**t. There’s that anger and hatred I have for him. F**k him. That felt good. So now I guess I just wait for someone who wants me. Like that’ll ever happen. No, I know I can do better, I will do better, my next boyfriend will hopefully be my last and he’ll be as perfect for me as I am for him, I know it’s possible. Sure life f***s you, but sometimes it surprises you too. Listen to me, like I’m actually talking to someone. I’m not one to fall in love with my diary like other girls, I just decided to record my life as it happens and maybe, just maybe look back and find answers to the future. But yes, I write like I’m talking to it. Who cares, maybe my future generations will read my diaries and learn about what life, my life was like at the turn of the new millennium. They’ll also learn about my love life. Well, guys, all I can say is that I hope it goes well. We shall see, we’ll all see.

The next day, Sandra wakes up to her phone ringing. “Who’s calling me this early?” She looks at her phone and sees it’s Sonia. “Hello? Who? Really? You’re kidding me. Seriously? I’ll be right over.” She gets dressed and goes to her parents’ house where Kurt, Sandra’s friend from high school, is waiting.
“Kurt? What are you doing here?”
“Happened to be in town, so I’m checking up on old friends.” Says Kurt, a short, dark haired guy with glasses.
“It’s good to see you.” She smiles at him.
“It’s good to see you too.”
“H-how long will you be in town?”
“Just for the day, I’m just passing through.”
“Oh, ok.”
“Have you seen Michael? My God, what has happened to him?”
“He got worse.”
“I know, he’ll probably be dead soon.”
“Probably.”
“You don’t seem worried at all, thought he was your best friend after Charlie left? I know I certainly wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Kurt, but you ended up leaving anyway, so my heart would’ve broken twice before it healed.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, my best friend had left, and you ended up leaving too, so I guess I was better off not getting too close to you, which I guess was a good call.”
“Yeah, well, here I am. Maybe we can get back to knowing each other again.”
“Why? You’re just gonna leave again.”
“I’ll give you my contact information, dummy.”
“Oh, yeah, duh.”

March 4, 2010

Dear Diary:
So, today was weird, I got a random visit from Kurt today, I haven’t seen him in years. We spent the day catching up, and I gotta tell you, it was really nice to see him again. I had almost forgotten what a cool dude he was. He, uh, he turned out cute. But I’m way out of his league. He’s smart, cute, funny, and we like a lot of the same stuff. I don’t know, I don’t even know why the thought crossed my mind, I’m not supposed to be ready for a relationship, right? Like I said, he’s out of my league, so I guess I shouldn’t worry about it anymore.