Firsts

Story of an old timer's experience with the terra-forming of Mars.

Firsts

Planet Mars, Olympus, May 3^rd 4263

Walter looked out over the horizon; the cool wind was whipping up dust devils in the distance, dissipating and reforming by the minute, scouring and carving the red dunes they inhabited. It was something he watched often but never got tired of, but today he turned his attention to something unfamiliar, a thick mat of dark gray clouds had moved in over the city. As he was watching the clouds shift and swirl, he was interrupted by the reason he was there that day.

At 193 years old, by some fluke of genetics, Walter was the oldest person to have ever lived, and was more than 60 years older than the previous record holder who had died some 300 years ago. As such, Walter had seen many things nobody else on the planet had for over a century, and many people had come to hear his stories, especially school children. Every few months or so a teacher from the local school would contact him and ask if he would tell firsthand stories from his past. He usually acquiesced due to the sole fact he was massively amused by the incredulous faces of the children as he recounted stories of his past.

As kids settled down, Walter turned his weathered face around to face his inquisitors. His still sharp gray eyes scanned the kids. One was poking the kid next to him in the ribs, more than a few were babbling amongst themselves, a few more were nodding off to sleep, but nobody was paying much attention to the frail man standing in front of them. Yet.

“Your teacher asked me if you would like to here some of what it life was like here in the past, but I see most of you are currently far more engaged with the present.” he said.

A few eyes looked toward him.

“Any burning questions?”

Most of the kids went back to what they were doing, but one girl thought for a minute and raised her hand.

“Yes?”

“Is it true everyone wore masks outside?” she inquired.

“At one time, yes. When I was about your age, we had to wear them because the air was poisonous, that is why you see all these plants around, they take out the bad air and turn it to good air. The process took hundreds of years and I was lucky enough to be around when the air became safe enough, and has only gotten better since.”

A few more kids were paying attention at this point, and another raised his hand.

“My grandma said that people used to live underground cause people would fry.”

“Well it wasn't that extreme, but yes it did cause issues. You see, this planet has something called a magnetic field, and that magnetic field is what keeps us from 'frying', as your grandmother put it. Without a magnetic field, the planet is exposed to something called the solar wind, and without that protection, it would strip the planet of the atmosphere, and bathe everything in radiation, which means cancer for living things.”

Walter pointed to a massive structure off into the distance.

“See that? For thousands of years, those installations pumped heat into the core of the planet hoping to melt it enough to bring the planets dynamo back up and, in turn the planets magnetic field. It is no coincidence that it came online roughly the same time the air became breathable. Our survival on this planet is so tenuous that everything that affects it or our people is planned out decades to thousands of years in advance, and so far, it has worked rather well. This city we are living in has only been around for a few decades, but this city is the culmination of thousands of years of work. It took a long time for us to get this far, and it is up to you all to take this city and planet through the next thousand years.”

Walter knew what he was saying didn't make much sense to a majority of his audience, as most were too young, but his demeanor and and conviction of what he was saying now had the full attention of all of them. He continued with his stories for another two hours, and as he was finishing up, something started which no human had ever witnessed on Mars before, it began to rain. Walter looked up with the same wonderment as the kids in front of him.

“Remember this.” He said. “This, even more than anything I have seen before, is the most important thing I will ever witness.”

One of the kids asked why.

“You'll see.” he looked up again at the rampant lightning dancing across the sky. “You'll see.”

It was the last major event Walter would ever experience, but for the kid he was speaking for, a few weeks later they witnessed their second, and most important of their lives.

The wind had scattered decades worth of seeds from the oxygen farms all around the city, and the storm had caused those dormant seeds to germinate, and in the weeks, months, and years ahead, the kids and the rest of the city watched as the harsh red desert around the city transformed to green, verdant fields, expansive forests, raging rivers and tranquil lakes.

The Red Planet was starting to turn green.

Reviews

[David Jae]

An interesting look at the future with a strong message about the importance of memories and the passage of time. The comparison between Walter and the children brings the point home and makes this stand out. You're science is based in fact and does not go into too much detail, which runs the risk or boring the reader.

Some of your dialogue could have done with some more editing and there are some minor grammatical errors. Try speaking your dialogue aloud to someone or recording it and playing it back to yourself.

Still, an enjoyable story.

Ganbare

[Justin Xavier Smith]

I like the world you're building. I like the science. And I like Walter. Those are all great starts.

However, some of the writing is a little forced. Instead of one scene naturally progressing to another, you explain to us that the scene is transitioning. In some cases, you give us information that we don't need, or information that would be better given to us in another context, rather than an exposition dump right at the beginning.

I do really like the scene where he's explaining things to the kids, although I wish the children felt a little more like kids instead of just devices to get out information. I wish Walter needed to take control a little more, maybe scare them into paying attention. OR just be SO interesting that they couldn't help but pay attention. Just to make it a little more interesting.

But otherwise, I really like this start. Keep at it! We can always do better :)