Writer Wednesday #9: Out Of Body Experience

On my blog, I am doing a new 'event' called Writer Wednesdays. I post a prompt and others(including me) write something based on that prompt.

             Popping pills had seemed the easiest way to go.  I was already on a prescription, so I had easy access to pills.  It would avoid a bloody mess; I did not want anyone cleaning up after me or for my son to see all the gore.  I just wanted it to seem like I had fallen asleep peacefully, and that was that.

            In this life, I was anything but peaceful.  I had been suffering from depression for two years now.  Some chemical imbalance in my brain; I really had no reason to be unhappy.  I had a great husband and a beautiful little boy.  We were not poor, we had a nice house and a working car.  But I just could not take it anymore, the feeling of hopelessness that had been eating away at my insides for two years now.

            I swallowed the whole bottle of pills, as well as a few Tylenol PM to help me get to sleep faster.  I was already feeling drowsy.  I lay down on the bed, curling up in the fetal position.  My eyelids grew heavy and I felt my soul leaving my body.  And then, I saw something that changed everything.

            It was my funeral.  My husband looked haggard and unshaven, my little boy dressed in a suit.  He looked so handsome; someday he would make a woman �" or man �" very happy, like his father had me.  I really hoped that Dan, my husband, did not blame himself.  It had nothing to do with him.  And little Michael, our son.  I hoped he would grow up to be successful and happy; not chemically imbalanced like his mom.  Dan was a good father, he had a good chance.

            But as I looked at his little tear-streaked cheeks, my husband’s worn-down appearance, all the others who had shown up to bid me one final farewell, I did not feel the peace I had wanted.  I felt unrest; while for me, the pain was over, for all these other beautiful people it was just beginning.  I realized that I had been the cause for all that pain, and while Dan was a good father, Michael also needed his mother.  He loved her �" me.  I wanted to wake up from this nightmare; I wished I had not taken the Tylenol PMs.  I fought with all my might to wake up…

            Vomit flew from my mouth, staining my white bed sheets and blonde hair.  My eyes fluttered open.  By some miracle, I was back in my bedroom.  I heard the front door open, the patter of tiny feet.

            “Mommy, guess what we learned at school today!” Michael’s voice rang from down the hallway.