Chapter 1: The Demons Inside Me

On January 21st, James woke up and went to school like every other day, with no idea of the torture he would soon face.

On January 21st, I woke up with just enough time to take a shower and eat breakfast before the bus arrived. My mom demanded a kiss before I left, just like every other day since 1st grade. My mom was the strongest person I knew; she's a single mom, working full time while juggling college courses in her free time. I admired her.

Once I got to school I went right to my homeroom to finish an essay about The Civil War that was due just after lunch. During homeroom our teacher handed out our report cards. I looked at mine and I was rather disappointed about my calculus grade, an 84. In every other class I had a 90 or higher.

When the bell rang to go to first period, I walked through the halls with people walking by saying "Yo James what up?" or "Sup speedy!". Speedy was the nickname all the track kids gave to me after I beat the coach in a 400 run. I was the track star, and everyone loved me. Even when I wasn't running track I was running 5Ks and 10Ks. 

Once I finally reached my psychology classroom, I sat right by my best friend, Ryan. We have been friends for as long as I could remember, we lived on the same street and we hung out as often as we could. Ryan and I told each other everything. We shared stories about our dads and we shared secrets. He was the only person I told that I was gay. We knew everything about each other, we were inseparable.

Mr. Robin, the psychology teacher was writing notes on the board about a mental illness called schizophrenia. I adored the class, maybe because Mr. Robin was the the hottest teacher in school, or maybe because I found the material interesting. I copied down the notes halfheartedly, skimming through the notes on the board. "...hearing voices... delusions... psychosis... genetic..."

Someone in the front of the room fake coughed and muttered "crazy people" under his breath. The whole room, including myself, broke out into laughter. Then the bell rang and I made my way to my next class, calculus. Next was graphic design, then AP English. 

Then came lunch, the loudest and most crowded area in the whole school. I sat with Ryan and the rest of the track team. Everyone was talking about how good Ryan did at the last meet. Then the conversation shifted to talking about girls, a conversation I didn't care much for. So I just kept my head down and ate my PB&J sandwich. I was enjoying my sandwich when I heard someone say "that's poisoned, that'll kill you"

I turned to the left where the voice came from, but all the guys were still talking about girls, and nobody else was even looking at me. I decided it must have been someone joking around with me so I laughed it off. I began eating again but I heard the same harsh voice tell me that I was going to die if I ate the sandwich. I swung my head around in both directions, but no one was looking at me. I stood up and looked around for a better view. As I turned around I realized that everyone was staring at me and the whole cafeteria turned dead silent.

I must have made a fool of myself because Ryan stood up and tried to get me to sit back down, I told him someone was messing with me. He assured me no one was taunting me, but I wasn't convinced. I heard the same person tell me to sit down in a mocking tone, I felt so confused. I shouted for the person to shut up, then Mr. Hall, the vice principal, came over to me and dragged me out of the lunch room and toward the nurses office.

He told me to wait as he went in and talked to the nurses, when he came back out he directed me to one of the open beds. I laid down and he asked me what happened. I explained to him about the person that kept taunting me. He told me just to lay down here for the rest of lunch, and then to just go to class.

After the bell rang to end lunch I had history, but on the way to class the voice came back. I frantically looked around to try to find the culprit, but the hall was practically empty. This time the man talking to me was narrating what I was doing: "...He's walking toward the door...He's opening the door...He's sitting in his chair...". I was very confused and agitated, I had no idea what was going on.

I passed in my essay and finished the school day in torment. Once the final bell of the day rang, I rushed through the halls and went straight to my bus. Avoiding and ignoring all the people trying to talk to me.

Once I got home, I went straight to my room and blared my music until I fell asleep. I woke up when my mom got home and the mysterious voice was gone. I hoped that he would stay away, but I feared that he would come back.

My mom must have noticed something was wrong because right when she saw me she asked what was going on. I told her I felt sick and tired, which wasn't exactly a lie because I really was feeling a little sick. I went back to my room and got on facebook, to check what everyone was doing. Within a little bit, the voice came back and was telling me that the government could track my facebook. I ignored the voice as best as I could, but I was so scared and I had no idea what would make this torment stop.

Over the weekend, I isolated more and more, and my mom got more and more suspicious. The voice had told me that if I told anyone about him he would hurt them. So I couldn't tell my mom, she's all I have ever since my dad left. But I was running out of options.

The next day I told my mom I needed to see a therapist. She wasn't sure why I needed one but she made some calls and got me an appointment for the next day.

I got in the car to drive to my new therapist, when Ryan ran out and stopped me. He asked me what happened at school, I told him that I was on my way to see a therapist and promised that I would tell him when I got back.

The whole drive was awful. The roads were icy and the sky was dark. And to make it worse, the voice returned. I could barely focus on the road with this torturous enemy yelling at me. He began calling me worthless and a piece of s**t, I didn't know how much longer I could deal with this. The voice grew louder and I grew more agitated. The voice yelled and I began to yell back, tears rolled down my face. I couldn't see the road. The next thing I knew, the car slammed right into a large tree. My head hit the airbag and everything went blank.

When I first woke up after the crash, I wasn't sure where I as. I looked around the small room and concluded I was in some hospital. My mom was asleep in a chair right next to my bed and there was a vacant bed on the other side of the room. 

Soon after I woke up, a doctor came in. He asked me if I knew what happened. I did, I told him that I only remembered swerving off the road into a tree. He told me that the car was totaled and that I had a mild concussion and a lot of bruising but had no major injuries. When my mom woke up, he repeated what he said.  The doctor asked me all sorts of questions: Are you on any medication? Have you been drinking? Are you abusing any drugs? I answered all his questions honestly, but as I was talking I heard that damned voice. This time it was different though, there were two of them and they told me that they would hurt me if I talked about them. 

Once the doctor was finished with his questions, he told us that we were free to go. My mom drove me home in her car and she seemed more relieved rather than angry. Right when we got inside the house, she turned to me and gave me the biggest hug I've ever gotten. She was crying and saying how happy she was that I was okay.

I really wasn't okay. I was so scared and I felt trapped in my own head. My next appointment with my new therapist was rescheduled to the day after the hospital let me go. It was only one day away, but it felt like forever. I couldn't sleep that night, instead I was up trying to find a way to get rid of these demons inside me. I had no idea how to free myself from this horrid prison. 

I needed someone to talk to, but I couldn't wait so long. I grabbed my phone and called Ryan, I didn't really expect him to have replied because it was two o'clock in the morning. But surely enough he replied a few minutes later. I told him all about the voices and how scared I was. He comforted me, telling me that everything will be okay and that he's glad I'm going to go to a therapist. We talked for about an hour until he fell back asleep. 

The voices were less present while I was talking to Ryan. But when Ryan fell asleep, I was on my own again. The voices slowly regained their usual tone, and I became scared and lonely. I didn't know what to do. My thoughts became more disorganized and I felt more confused than usual.

Eventually, one of the voices told me to cut myself, they said they would go away. I couldn't think clearly, so I did the only thing my corrupt mind could think of, I took a box cutter and slid it over my wrist. Blood dripped down my arm, but the voices just told me to go deeper, so I did. I kept going deeper until the voices stopped. But my arm was covered in blood and I couldn't move it, there was a sharp deep pain running through my arm. I tried to wash the blood off but more kept coming out of the gash in my skin. Now I was even more scared. I was covered in blood and had no idea what to do. I went into my mom's room, and woke her up.

I was crying, I tried to tell my mom what I did but I couldn't make out any words. My mom could see I was scared, then she saw my wrist. She jumped out of bed and got right on the phone. In only a few minutes, sirens came shooting down my street. My mom took me outside and the EMT guys quickly took me into the ambulance. They laid me down on the stretcher and they tried to reassure me that I would be okay. They tried to put pressure on my arm to stop the bleeding but the cut was too deep. I was crying and was struggling to keep up my breathing, I started to hyperventilate and the EMT guys gave me a breathing mask for oxygen. I started to feel dizzy and disoriented, probably from blood loss. At some point before we made it to the hospital I passed out from the pain.

Author's Note

please inform me of any grammar errors!
Also any ideas to make this better will gratefully be accepted.
enjoy!
let me know what you guys think :D

Reviews

[Shaquana Adams]

I found myself being sucked into this story. I wanted to know more about the voices and why the mention of schizophrenia seemed to have triggered the onset. This gives a really good insight into schizophrenia. Very good job! :)

[a schizophrenic writer]

thanks for the review! and the mention of it was just coincidental, it didn't trigger it. but im really glad you liked it!thanks again

[Chaz Hemsworth]

I really like it as a story. Is this your real life experience? It seems to coincidental that the whole thing started after hearing about schizophrenia in class one day. If it is though, this a traumatic event I hope you feel better about everything.

[a schizophrenic writer]

Its a fictional dramatization based on my experiences. Im glad your enoying it, more will be out when I find the time!

[cycy]

wow, this is fabulous story, I've been meaning to read it for quite a while now but kept getting preoccupied with work and stuff. Its a definite page turner type of story. it kept me guessing what would happen next, and i can actually imagine the demons and all. maybe you could add a bit more dialogue though and make the voices a bit more active. so it adds a bit more to their character but otherwise the plot is great. i'm yet to read the other chapters, will do so in a bit. so far im definitely hooked. talk about engaging a reader, thumbs up.

[a schizophrenic writer]

thank you! the third chapter should be finished soon.

[cycy]

aytie,well let me get to it then :)

[Tennessee]

I found myself wanting to keep reading to find out what would happen. I enjoyed it. As it develops I would think a contrast from past to present would be a good addition. I wasn't expecting the ending and enjoyed that spice to it. Possibly add more detail to the beginning as it would help the story grow, what do the people look like, where does he live, and so on and so forth. I do like he doesn't have a name, I think it adds to the mystery. Not bad kid, can't wait to read more.

[a schizophrenic writer]

I'm glad you like it, I'm just putting some finishing touches on the third chapter, then it's all yours!