I think you behold a very beautiful idea in this piece; along with the right morals.
It's eye opening, and leaves you in a peaceful state.
However, I felt the flow was a little off in this at certain times.
I would also like to see a bit more of describing words; you get your point across, don't get me wrong, but it didn't suck me in. If you used more describing words I think it'd add a fixating eye, along with a stronger story line. I liked your use of "eternal", though. c:
Great job overall, I enjoyed this piece. So, keep it up!
Thanks,
Cole. :D
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you. I appreciate the feedback. I could have improved on some fluency on my words to make it b.. read moreThank you. I appreciate the feedback. I could have improved on some fluency on my words to make it better. Although I am glad it still has the feeling I was looking for even with vague words. I am teaching myself on better words that give a better impact to what is being said.
I think you behold a very beautiful idea in this piece; along with the right morals.
It's eye opening, and leaves you in a peaceful state.
However, I felt the flow was a little off in this at certain times.
I would also like to see a bit more of describing words; you get your point across, don't get me wrong, but it didn't suck me in. If you used more describing words I think it'd add a fixating eye, along with a stronger story line. I liked your use of "eternal", though. c:
Great job overall, I enjoyed this piece. So, keep it up!
Thanks,
Cole. :D
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you. I appreciate the feedback. I could have improved on some fluency on my words to make it b.. read moreThank you. I appreciate the feedback. I could have improved on some fluency on my words to make it better. Although I am glad it still has the feeling I was looking for even with vague words. I am teaching myself on better words that give a better impact to what is being said.
I live my life not a day at a time, but every moment in that day.
I like to be social, and meet new people, because you only live once. I tend to always have a happy-go-lucky personality. I'm thank.. more..