The toy

Tommy has a favorite toy.

“Tommy, honey, please, mommy has a headache. Take that to your room and play.”

“But, mom.”

“Tommy, now.”

His face scrunched into a frown. “Fine.” He took the robot and stomped

up the stairs. His mother shook her head and looked at Tara. “I know he loves that toy, but sometimes the noise grates on my nerves.”

“How is he Amanda? Is he still having nightmares?”

“Not as often. He still gets angry, it's hard.”

“How are you holding up?”

“Some days are better than others.”

Buzz .  . .zoom . . . beep, beep

Tommy appeared at the top of the stairs holding the robot. 

“Tommy, I thought I told you to go to your room with that.”

“I know mom, but dad said Aunt Tara should check on the baby.”

“Tommy, what have I told you about lying? The baby is sleeping,

 but if you keep playing with that toy you're going to wake her.”

Tara rose from her seat. “I'll just go and take a peek at her, she's 

been sleeping a while.”

Amanda looked sternly at Tommy. “Tommy, come here, please.”

He walked down the stairs holding the robot in his hand as it still 

beeped and buzzed.

“What have I told you about the robot?”

He sighed. “It's just a toy.”

“Your dad is in heaven honey, the robot is just a toy that daddy gave to 

you and I know it's your favorite, but daddy doesn't talk to you

 through the toy. Things like that aren't possible OK?”

“But-”

“Tommy.”

“Fine.”

“Amanda, call 911!” Tara rushed down the stairs holding Sara in her arms.

“Oh my God, what is it?”

“Call 911 Sara's not breathing.”

Tommy stood amid the chaos while his mother called for help. 

Sara would be fine, she had spit up and it had blocked her airway, 

Tara had found her just in time.

Later that night Amanda tucked Tommy into bed and placed the robot on the nightstand beside him as usual. “Tommy how did you know that 

Sara was in trouble?”

He yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Daddy told me.”

She kissed his head. There was no use arguing with him about it tonight. She would talk to him more in the morning. “Goodnight, baby.”

He turned over and tucked the covers underneath his chin. 

“Goodnight, mommy.”

Amanda went downstairs and pulled the photo albums from the shelf. She flipped through the pages. She missed Derek so much. 

It had only been six months since he’d kissed her and Tommy goodbye 

and left to go on that fire call. He had saved a mother and her three children, but he’d lost his life in the process. 

Hot tears stung her eyes and she wiped them away and closed

the book. That night Amanda dreamed of Derek. She saw him run from

a burning house. He had a child in his arms and he was calling to her. 

“Amanda, get Tommy, get out of the house!” 

“Derek, you’re here.”

“Now Amanda, please baby, wake up get Tommy!” As he spoke to her 

his voice sounded mechanical; it was the voice of Tommy’s robot. 

Amanda’s eyes shot open. The robot beeped and buzzed. There was 

smoke and it was dark, so dark. She bolted from the bed and felt her

 way down the hallway to Tommy’s room. 

She could feel the heat, it was so hot and she could barely breath. 

She reached his door and called out to him. “Tommy! Baby where

 are you?”

“Mommy!” He rushed into her arms and they made it down the stairs 

and out the door. Amanda shook with emotion as she watched her home burn. She kissed Tommy, at least they were alive. 

Then she remembered her dream. 

As the sun came up and the fire was extinguished, she sat, still 

weeping, as Tommy slept in her arms. 

“Mrs. Carter.” 

Mitch, a friend of Derek’s, and a fellow fireman stood in front of her holding the robot. 

“I know this belongs to Tommy. I was with his dad the day he bought 

it for him. Ironically, it was one of the only salvageable things left.

Oh, and this picture of Derek with you and Tommy.” 

She blinked up at Mitch. “Where did you find the robot?”

“It was at the foot of your bed, along with this picture.” She reached 

out for the toy and the picture.

“Thank you, Mitch.”

 “No problem. Are you sure you’re OK?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” She looked at the robot. It couldn’t be, could it?

As she thought more about the dream and her husband’s voice morphing into the voice of the robot begging her to wake up, she suddenly remembered something. Tommy had thrown the batteries out two weeks

ago and asked her for more when the toy had stopped working. 

She hadn’t thought anymore about it, until now. She turned the toy around took a deep breath and pulled open the battery compartment. 

She smiled through her tears and hugged Tommy tight. There were no batteries.

Reviews

[Terpsichore]

Dotting I's and crossing T''s, rushing and flowing don't matter here, the story line absolutely grabs the attention. Don't agree with CL Rose's comment about bringing the missing batteries in at the beginning, it would have made the whole thing far too obvious. T

[CLRose]

I like the concept for this story, but I can't help but feel that there is something that can be done with the flow of the story. Some of the other reviews have pointed out that it seemed rushed, but I actually prefer the snappy dialogue and short exchanges. However, you could use a little more in directing who is exactly speaking when. I believe the mother has two indented lines of dialogue in a row, but this is just petty stuff that can be worked out the more you revise it. My only real problem with the story is the detail about the batteries at the end. Although this is very powerful to create suspense, I'm not sure why you did not put it in the beginning of the story somehow to create a Chekhov's gun. You could have easily have had the mother take the batteries out of the robot earlier in the story when the robot initially annoyed her for a more solid, less "pulling the wool over our eyes" ending. Hope this helps. Kudos for the post.

[Writergirl]

Thank you for reviewing. I wasn't ignoring your review. I just came across it again and realized I hadn't commented back. The flow is rushed, I admit. It was written years ago, but I lost it. It was hard to remember exactly how I'd written it the first time. I could stretch it out, but it was meant only as a short story. I am actually working on my debut novel right now and promoting it and so I haven't taken up much time here. Thank you for the review. I'm a sucker for surprise endings, that's why I wrote the part about the batteries at the end, but I like your idea too.

[CLRose]

what's the novel?

[Writergirl]

It is a romance/suspense. It's currently in the revision and editing process right now. I am hoping to release it before the end of the year.

[Brandrosky]

The story feels a bit rushed in some places but overall, this is great. It's very touching and I like the little twist on the end.

[Writergirl]

Thank you :)

[Parul Sharma]

Amazing story ..loved the end ..Enjoyed it

[Writergirl]

Thank you :)

[Weeping willow]

Beautiful story,I believe these things can happen;]

[Writergirl]

Thank you :)

[Robert Parlange]

Good story. You are very good with narration.
I do have a suggestion, though. You might want to separate the "scenes" with an extra blank line. It would help to break up the action and make it a little more readable. Just a suggestion.
Great resolution.

[Writergirl]

Thank you for reading and reviewing :) Narration is tricky for me sometimes. I agree that the scene breaks might work better, thanks.

[Marie]

THis isn't horror This is nice. I would call it fantasy with overtones of science fiction.

[Writergirl]

I agree, I wasn't sure what category really to put it under. Thanks for reading :)

[Kajal Sharma]

wow i simply loved it its beautiful.....i love reading horror...i read a lot of horror when i was a kid from the school library...its amazing..good job

[Writergirl]

Thank you so much! I love horror too, anything dealing with the paranormal or supernatural.

[Ghazal]

I loved this little , rich story with a slight of wittiness ...........

[Writergirl]

Thank you so much :)

[Siegfried]

Delightful story, with gentle humor and enough wonder to keep the reader involved. Nice beginning.

[Writergirl]

Thank you so much :)