Chapter 4

“Scarlett?” I heard a voice say my name. I looked up and saw that it was Eli. He was starting to regain consciousness. “Scarlett, what happened?” He asked, concern lacing his voice.

“She took Emma and Evelyn.” I cried out.

“We need to get you back to the queen, she'll know what to do.” Eli said now fully aware of what's going on.

“She doesn't want to me there.” I replied sadly.

“Scarlett, she loves you and she wants you, you need to understand that she did what she did to protect you. Your mother will be thrilled to see you again.” He stated putting a comforting hand on my arm. “Now, let's get going.” He added as he grabbed my hand and led me out of the house and to his car.

He put the key in the ignition and off we went. After a few moments of a very awkward silence I spoke. “So, if you aren’t an adult, how old are you?”

“Nineteen.” Eli replied.

“Will you please pull over?” I asked suddenly feeling very uneasy.

“Are you alright princess?” He questioned glancing at me.

“Just, please pull over.” I said more firmly this time. Eli nodded and pulled over. I undid my seatbelt and climbed out of the car and started running.

“Princess, what are you doing?” He asked grabbing me by the shoulders.

“Stop calling me that! I’m not a princess, I’m a highschool student just trying to make it to graduation. This, all of this, it’s just one big nightmare and I’m going to wake up at any moment.” I exclaimed.

“I wish it was all just a nightmare but sadly this is the fate of reality.” He replied sadly.

“How do I even know that all of this is true and not just some sick joke?” I mumbled into my hands.

I heard Eli sigh as if in defeat. “If I could just get you back to the kingdom and to your mother, she’ll answer all the questions you have.” I could hear the pleading in his voice.

I turned around and slowly started walking back to the car, Eli following close behind. Once again he started the car and we were off. I leaned my head against the cool, glass window and closed my eyes.

I was alone in a dark room, the only light coming through the window from the full moon. I was laying in a bed that looked entirely too big for a little girl. I was dressed in a white night gown.

The door to my room slowly started to creep open letting more light enter the room. A figure emerged from the darkness. It was a small figure and I soon realized that it was my older sister Stella.

“What are you doing?” I sleeply asked her as she approached my bed.

“Don’t make a sound.” Stella replied.

“What are you going to do?” I questioned, fear running through my little voice.

“I’m making you go away. For the past six years mom and Aunt Evelyn have loved you more and have treated me like I’m invisible. The only way to get back their love is to get rid of you.” She stated.

“Leave me alone.” I whined stumbling out of bed. I tried to run for the door but she was quicker and stepped in front of me blocking my path. She pushed me to the floor and I landed with a grunt.

The moonlight hit the blade in her hand just right. I put my hands up, closed my eyes and  screamed as if that would help me in any way. Next thing I knew my mother, Aunt, and two guards came running into my room.

“What’s going on?” Evelyn asked.

“Are you alright princess?” My mother asked taking me in her arms holding me tightly. I pointed to the weapon in my sister’s hand and my mother’s eyes grew in horror realizing what had happened.

“Take her to holding.” The queen said unable to look at my sister as they took her away.

“You’re dead Scarlett.” Stella yelled. My mother and Aunt both held on to me as my tiny body started to tremble.

I opened my eyes and looked around once again trying to catch my breathe.

“You know, those aren’t just dreams.” Eli said.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“I know about the dreams and I’m telling you that they aren’t just dreams.” He stated.

“Yeah, well, then what are they?” I questioned.

“Memories.” Was all he said.

“Memories?” I mimicked.

“Yes, the Daroir on your arm is what’s causing you to remember.” Eli informed me.

“What about the one from before I had this?” I asked.

“That wasn’t a memory.” He replied sadly.

“Then what was it?” I asked with a little bit of worry in my voice.

He exhaled deeply then said, “That was a glimpse of what the future could be.”

I gasped in horror and replied, “Stella killed me.”

“That’s exactly what’s going to happen if we don’t get you the training that you need.” Eli said.

“What about the kingdom?” I asked.

“That’s what’s going to happen if Stella becomes queen. She’s going to destroy the kingdom. You need to defeat her and take over the kingdom instead of her.” He stated.

“Why me? If she’s so dangerous why hasn’t anybody killed her before?” I questioned.

“You sure do asked a lot of questions.” Eli laughed.

“Sorry, but that’s what happens when you’re lied to for nine years.” I replied bitterly. He offered me an apologetic look. “Don’t pity me.” I replied crossing my arms over my chest.

“My apologies Scarlett.” Eli chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” I questioned.

“It’s nothing.” He replied with a smile.

“Tell me.” I demanded.

“It’s just, you’re so adorable.” He stated glancing at me with a smile. I blushed and turned my head away. My heart skipped a beat and my stomach felt like it was doing flips. ‘Get a hold of yourself, don’t call for his boyish charm.’ I thought to myself. We continued driving in silence until once again I dozed off.

I felt a slight push on my shoulder followed by, “Princess, wake up.”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” I replied through a raspy voice.

“I’m aware of that.” Eli smirked.

I rolled my eyes and spoke. “So, are we there?” I looked around in confusion as I saw that we were surrounded by what looked like a forest.

“No, but there’s something that I wanted to show you before we got to the castle.” He stated getting out of the car. I did as he did and got out of the car. ‘What is he doing?’ I thought to myself.

“I told you, I wanted to show you something.” He said as though he could read my mind. My face turned red and I looked down as I started following him.

We walked through the thick line of trees in silence. It was beautiful at least. There were birds flying above and I soon realized that we were following a small stream. It was very peaceful and calm.

Before long I found myself standing in a very familiar situation. It was the giant wall with the granite staircase in the middle and the unmistakably beautiful, turquoise river flowing in front of it. Sure enough a fog started to form at our feet.

Eli started walking and the fog separated as if doing a majestic dance. My whole body started to trembled and I was unable to breath, something I had gotten used to over the past couple of days. I fell to my knees trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Scarlett!” Eli exclaimed running over to me.

“This place, it’s where…” I was unable to finish as I began to cry and shake uncontrollably.

“It’s the place from your dream isn’t it? Where Stella killed you.” Eli asked in realization. I nodded my head. I felt his strong yet gentle arms wrap around me and pull me into his safe, comforting body. I got the same flutter in my stomach as before.

“We don’t have to go up if you don’t want to, but I swear on my life that nobody is going to hurt you.” He whispered into my ear sending chills throughout my body.

I pulled away slightly and looked into his light brown eyes that told me that his words were sincere. I closed my eyes and nodded my head signaling that it was okay to go up there. Eli gently wiped away my tears with the pad of his thumb. I sat there and took in the feeling.

He helped me up and together, hand in hand, we walked over to the staircase that split the wall. He led the way up and I couldn’t help but touch the carvings in the stone. I recognized one because it just so happened to be on my arm.

“Are all of these Elf Runes?” I asked stopping.

Eli looked over the wall and replied, “Some of them yes, some of them are accent messages.”

“How do you know this?” I questioned.

“My father spent years studying this place, he believed that it holds the deepest power of our people. He wanted to find it to help your mother.” He stated.

“Why did he want to find them for my mother, why not for himself?” I asked.

“My father was in love with her and he wanted all the protection he could find for her. But, he died before he could figure it out.” Eli finished sadly

“I’m so sorry.” I told him giving him a comforting touch on the arm.

“It’s okay.” He shrugged it off like it was nothing. We started our climb once again finally reaching the top. I notice something that I hadn’t notice in my dream.

The top of the wall formed a giant circle that wasn’t fully complete because of the stairs that came up one side and stopped dead center. There were symbols carved into the edges of the circle.

“What do these mean?” I questioned referring to the symbols.

“That one is Charoi, which means strength,” Eli started pointing to one that looked like a sideways ‘T’. “That one next to it, the one that looks like an ‘N’, that’s Lecai, it means mobility of your soul. The one that looks like a 5 is Cython which is for wisdom. The ‘P’ is Ceyl, it means passion. That weird one right there is Cadaith which is power. The ‘H’ stands for inner strength, its name’s Thanan.  Last but not least is Elthrai, which means hope.” Eli finished.

“Why is there two for strength?” I asked.

“Charoi is for physical strength, whereas Thanan is for mental strength. You could be the strongest person alive but if you don’t have inner strength you might as well have nothing.” He informed me.

I nodded and pushed on, “What’s the difference between power and strength?”

“The power it is referring to isn’t a physical power but again a mental power. It’s kind of like Thanan but not quite.” Eli replied. I looked over at all of the symbols in front of me then walked over to the edge and sat down. The view was amazing. I could see everything much more clearly than in my dream.

It was a very nature friendly place. Flowers and trees and little streams were everywhere. Vines wrapped themselves around the buildings, flowers blooming on them. I was amazed at how much detail I could see from this far away

The castle stood tall. Like the other buildings, it was wrapped with gorgeous vines. It was on its own little island, water surrounded it quite a distance below . There was a lone bridge connecting it to the rest of the world. Behind the castle stood a mighty waterfall that I assumed flowed all through the kingdom in the little streams. Surrounding the whole kingdom was miles and miles of lush, green forest.

“Beautiful isn’t it.” Eli said more as a statement as he took a seat next to me.

“Beautiful is an understatement. It’s absolutely breathtaking.” I replied in awe.

“And it’s all yours.” He added putting his hand on top of mine giving me a smile. I looked at him and returned the sweet gesture. The way his smile reached his eyes which sparkled in the sunlight made my heart sing and the way his skin felt against mine, so perfect and natural and gentle yet strong. I wanted to freeze this moment and hold on to it forever. In this moment I realized I was falling for one Eli Rashford.

Reviews

[Joe W]

4th chapter in and I'm loving it. Again, the chapter leaves that feeling of suspense and of what will happen next. I am absolutely loving Savannah's writing and encourage her to keep doing what she's doing. As I've said before, there is a lot of potential here and I really hope she continues her passion with writing. I love the characters that are in here and I'm glad she has the style of writing where you get to connect with each of the characters on a deeper level as well as continue to build the different aspects of the story that make it what it is.

[Meeks]

Your dialogue tags are all wrong. A dialogue tag is the thing you put after dialogue, the 'he said' part. The problem is that you barely use 'said', and instead make up all of these odd endings to slap on and give more description.
Here's the thing, those tags aren't there to actually be read. People skip glance at them for only a moment, not enough to actually comprehend it, before continuing on. If your characters start mumbling, and coughing, and growling and exclaiming, one of these times someone will notice. And then they stop for a short second to look at the word, wonder at its placement, and put it off as extra description.
And whenever a reader comes to a full stop in your story, well, that's bad flow. Really bad flow.

Some of your transitions between scenes are very rough. Give them another sentence or so to smooth things out.

Even though I've been doing this until recently, don't try to paint with words. Because words are black, and they won't turn a shade of castle-with-vine-in-a-forest no matter what happens. Instead you get a lot of black text, which most readers will find annoying to read and might just skip it.
If you really want to show a castle like this, use actions. Rule of thumb for everything, use actions. So here, you might show a floating leaf interacting with these things, or her asking Eli about stuff.

Overall, love the modern-princess idea, largely because I have worked on something similar. A tip, this is a worlds-crashing story, where a posh girl goes into a differnt world. Emphasize that.
Really good, actually. The dialogue is solid, and everything falls together. Hope you keep working on this!