4. You Have to Give 100% (Ali)

Maybe I'm just not meant to be a gymnast or something. The coach keeps yelling at me now because I'm gaining weight. I don't know how I'm gaining anything because I keep throwing up everything and usually that's what happens when you throw up, you usually don't gain a pound. But what will happen to me when I don't have the strength anymore to do gymnastics? I think my life would be over.

How can I say it? I am starting to hate gymnastics. Of course it's my life, but I pretty much have to say that to everyone who asks me. It's kind of weird and I don't like to tell people that, but I have to, otherwise my coach would be really mad at me.

But I am really starting to hate my life right now. I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm dying slowly. But I guess, technically, I am because I am bulimic. I guess the inside of my throat is being torn apart or something like that. Slowly, but still. I don't care about what happens to me right now. I just want to do well for my gymnastics.

(Next Morning)

I can't believe that it's only a few months into school and it's still hot out. I am burning up in my Ralph Lauren shirt. I would take it off, but we're not allowed to have tank tops in school. I don't know why. It's high school so I don't understand why they even care, but whatever. I guess I don't have to worry about it for long. About two and a half years before I leave high school.

English is intense right now. We have a huge project to do that is so huge that it is due right before winter break. Amelia is in my class so she would know what it is about. I don't pay attention that much in class, but when I really have to then I do. I don't know what it is about me, but I just don't understand why the teachers care so much about my grades. I get pretty decent grades. Usually I get A's and B's, but I guess that's not good enough for the teachers. I can't believe that they are being so selfish to me! Why do they care? Well, I don't. But I do want to get a good grade on this project, so I'd better do well. We have to make an invention - any invention. I'm going to ask Amelia to help. Maybe we can make leotards or something cute for gymnastics. But we have to make enough money to be able to raise something for the school. Everyone has to make at least $100 which I think is ridiculous. Anyway...back to my plan