Dance Alone

 

 

I shall dance alone tonight

With the chill of the air

Swirling around my ivory gown,

With the crisp sound of green grass

Crushed as I tiptoe, tiptoe

In my satin dancing shoes,

And with the stars in the dark, gray sky

Laughing, laughing forevermore.

 

I shall dance alone tonight

A dance of withered hope and tragedy.

In my rage I shall cry alone tonight

And with these bittersweet tears I shall sway

To the haunting memory of the music he played

With his beautiful fingers running, running

Across keys of black and ivory.

 

He shall play his piece tonight

And I shall dance this ballet alone

Praying that he is watching me from the sky

Remembering the last piece he flawlessly played

In the solo ballet I performed onstage

Before the black-winged angel took his breath away.

 

 

Written:

20 December 2006 @ 06:00 PM © Maxinne Marie

Reviews

[Courtney Lou]

Beautiful picture! You really understand how to put an image into the reader's mind! Very well done. But I suggest changing the color of her dress because you said ivory twice and that makes it a little akward. Also I think it would be fun to describe a little more! How did her dress feel brushing against her legs while she danced?? Stuff like that. :) But very well done!

[Sean Allen]

Oh My,
This is sadly beautiful Maxinne.
No big words, just big emotions that describe a love remembered.
The use of tiptoe, tiptoe and runnung, running brings the two people together.
The "I Dance with the trees" picture is a poem in itself.
Donn

[Cortnea Morgan]

Very good. =D It's cool how you're telling a story, creating questions in the beginning but tying them up by the end.

I really like your word choice also, although there is a bit much repitition of the word "dance." You did a good job with the repeating of the word "laughing" and "tiptoe," but then you cut off repeating words after the first paragraph. It didn't change the flow, just maybe something to consider. In the end the piece flows very nicely.

But I don't like to critisize poetry because maybe these things are important aspects to you and you're creating a feel for the piece...So overall I say is very beautiful with a side of saddness. I loved it.

[LadyLincoln]

I thought this piece was really beautiful and detailed...I cannot possibly say how touched and happily surprised I was to read it.

Brilliant and elegant!

[Chaos X 3]

This poem was really good. I liked "Crushed as I tip toe"... Now you could take that two different ways. The obvious 'the grass was crushed' or 'an expression of how you the ballet dancer was crushed with sadness as you danced.' Great job...

[Torre]

Very nice piece. I felt your saddness in this.

[Shannon K.]

This is really well done. I like the dancing and stuff. I just, overall, like it. I can't really pick it apart and say why, I just do.
S.k.

[Sarah Williams]

First, the picture you used is beautiful, haunting...I love it! As for the poem, it too is nicely done. I think that you captured a fair bit of agony and angst, both things I always enjoy seeing in poetry. Suggestions:

"I shall dance alone tonight
With the chill of the night air" (take out the word "night", it breaks the flow because you used "tonight" just above it)

"Swirling around my white dancing gown," (maybe "around my ivory gown"--too many uses of the word "dance")


Overall, nicely done and very enjoyable to read!

[Philip Hartshorn]

I like this. It's quite good. very well done. love the piano descriptions and of course the last line about the angel of death is astounding. very dramatic and an overall beautiful piece. I may have to read some more of your work if it shares the same enthralling nature, which I'm sure it does.

[Insanemom5]

How beautifully written I feel Like I am the one dancing alone

[I'm back, and ready to ..]

"and with bittersweet tears I shall sway." Loved this line. This poem is incredibly beautiful and written well.