Dance Alone

 

 

I shall dance alone tonight

With the chill of the air

Swirling around my ivory gown,

With the crisp sound of green grass

Crushed as I tiptoe, tiptoe

In my satin dancing shoes,

And with the stars in the dark, gray sky

Laughing, laughing forevermore.

 

I shall dance alone tonight

A dance of withered hope and tragedy.

In my rage I shall cry alone tonight

And with these bittersweet tears I shall sway

To the haunting memory of the music he played

With his beautiful fingers running, running

Across keys of black and ivory.

 

He shall play his piece tonight

And I shall dance this ballet alone

Praying that he is watching me from the sky

Remembering the last piece he flawlessly played

In the solo ballet I performed onstage

Before the black-winged angel took his breath away.

 

 

Written:

20 December 2006 @ 06:00 PM © Maxinne Marie

Reviews

[Courtney Lou]

Beautiful picture! You really understand how to put an image into the reader's mind! Very well done. But I suggest changing the color of her dress because you said ivory twice and that makes it a little akward. Also I think it would be fun to describe a little more! How did her dress feel brushing against her legs while she danced?? Stuff like that. :) But very well done!

[Brett Campaigne]

the structure of this work dances as well.

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This is really good! I loved the vivid picture you painted of a dancer and then the twist at the end. Very good work!

[Ashly Christen]

i really like how you started this piece out,


Before the black-winged angel took his breath away.

this was lovely
good job!
:D

[Julie Murphy, Julie Des..]

What an incredible piece!! I could almost hear the music and see you dancing there. The beginning truly is my favorite part of it. It speaks to me of a bittersweet memory locked in a moment.

I shall dance alone tonight
With the chill of the air
Swirling around my ivory gown,
With the crisp sound of green grass
Crushed as I tiptoe, tiptoe
In my satin dancing shoes,
And with the stars in the dark, gray sky
Laughing, laughing forevermore.

[Vincent Maltese]

Wow. Well put.

[Jeremy]

You write so very beautifully. Well done. I am entranced by the vivid detail of this poem. While reading this, it has painted in my mind such a wonderful and awe inspiring picture.

[M. J. C. Mata]

you've improved in your poetry. you've come a long way in what you're doing and i'm glad that you still have the spark, that glow that makes a writer a writer.

yes, the story is touching. i say it's a story because that's what it is. a story bound by rhythm and rhyme, or in this case, verse. just do additional improvement in your versification. don't worry, time is still with you. unlike mine- it passed me by.

well done, max.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

ahh, this is lovely.
just lovely. :)

"He shall play his piece tonight
And I shall dance this ballet alone
Praying that he is watching me from the sky
Remembering the last piece he flawlessly played
In the solo ballet I performed onstage
Before the black-winged angel took his breath away. "

that is just... wow. i was going to copy and paste the second verse because it was so good, but then i read the last verse and it blew me away.

this is incredible. an honoring of something and someone very important and close to your heartsong.

lovely.

[Roy L. Pickering Jr.]

This poem is quite lyrical, and lovely, and sentimental in remembrance of things past. I liked your stuttered use of the words Laughing and Running in the first two verses. Working this technique into the last verse might give the poem a bit more rhythmic balance. Then again, it might not. I do not claim to be an expert on poetry. But I do know a thing or two about recognizing when words are beautifully strung together, swaying from line to line like laundry on a clotheline, touching my heart with their message. Your poem accomplishes this. Nicely done.