Sugar

A poem depicting drug abuse.

Once upon an afternoon, I came to look about the room,
Nothing saw I but a great gold haze,
And while I pondered, softly sighing, suddenly there came a gentle crying,
As of someone who’s slowly dying, dying in their youthful days,
‘Please don’t cry,’ is what I offered, ‘needn’t worry, it’s only a phase –
Only this, and just a craze.’

 

Dark was the room on a sunny day,
And near to where each body lay,
Was the outline of a white horse,
Eager was I to get up and leave; – leave alone without remorse,
But ill I felt, with a voice so hoarse –
Hoarse of course because of the brown,
A fix and a shot oh so strong,
A fix to take away the frown,
A fix to take me away to drown.

 

The terrible torturing untouched air,
Stifled me – rifled me with deep disgust,
I began to clamour myself upright, with all and everything, but bereft of might,
‘My friend I need aid!’ Came a voice like rust –
‘Come boy, come help; give faith. Your trust!’
‘Give aid I shall, and help I must,’

Hereby my strength grew stronger and clamouring then no longer,
‘Hello,’ said I, ‘help abound, guide me through this haze;
As I was softly sighing I heard upon your gentle crying
Appalling you sounded, as if you were dying
Dying in your youthful days.

Reviews

[N3v3r_2_L@t3]

This poem, at the beggining, seems to have a giddy mood to it, like the author doesnt' have a care in the world, and is just passing by death. Even the second stanza seems to have a little hop in it's step. But to the third, the poem seems to be getting more morbid and serious. I like the way you did that. Whether it was planned out or not, it all turned out great. I also like the way that you stole a line from your second stanza that wasn't really one that was noticable, and made it noticable by using it as the end of your poem. It put emphasis on the point that you were trying to get across. Great job, and welcome to writer's cafe=]

[Bethany Woody]

So Edgar Allen Poe-ish. Reminds me of "The Raven" in it's wording. I think for many of us we often invoke the ideas, the wordings, the thoughts of authors we have read and loved. Maybe not always consciously, but it is sometimes reflected in our work just the same.

The first stanza/verse of your piece seems to me to be about growing up. About how we move on and out grow our youthful transgressions, experimentations, and mistakes. And as we move away from those things we sometimes lose a small part of ourselves in the leaving them behind, as if a small part of us dies. And we do this slowly because time as they say does not always fly.

The second stanza/verse seems to be about how we never want to grow up. How we don't want to leave our youth behind. We fear the unknown, the future and where it might be taking us, which all we know at the time is away from the life we have thus far lead.

Stanza/verse three is the inevitable growing up, the inevitable advancement of time and the years away from our youth. That which we can not fight, can not keep from happening. But in the growing up we learn to leave the past and our youthful exploits in the past where they belong. We no longer do the same things, no longer act the same way, think like we did before because we have grown, we have learned new things. Perhaps there is a bit of reflection on how your life/youth use to be, yet you have still moved on to bigger and better things, a new greater way of living.

No matter what the piece is really about I think it is wonderfully written, with fantastic wording and very insightful imagery. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Mona Lisa