Chapter 17 - August 4, 2010

Landon lay in his hospital bed with his head wrapped in a moist towel. His skin gripped the edges of his bones, almost translucent against its hard surface. We could see the thin blue veins as they dove across his eyelids. The last round of chemotherapy left him weak and brittle, struggling to move and eat, the weight of the sickness crushing him into a coma-like sleep.

            Michael draped his arms over Sherry’s shoulders as they sat bedside, her tears soaking into Landon’s lap. Mary-ann and Allan sat opposite them. Allan squeezed his eyes shut, his lips twitching in prayer as Mary-ann held Landon’s hand, her soft whispers floating like feathers above him.

            Although sunlight poured through the windows, the room felt dark and cold, a cloud of sadness hanging over.

            “Come back to us, please.” Sherry clung harder to Landon’s arm in an attempt to will his strength back.

            As I sat in the chair along the back wall, only the sound of Landon’s heart monitor sang, the intensity of its beat like the faint thump of distant footsteps.

For over an hour we sat, the shadows in the room changing as each cloud rolled passed the sun.

            “Allan.” My pad and pen slid to the floor as I stood, my steps like walking on cracking ice. “Allan,” I said a little louder, a franticness creeping into my throat. My hand rose slowly, index finger shaking as it found its place on Mary-ann.

            The left side of her face began to slump, as if the skin was being pulled from her cheek. Her head fell like a weight, her body cascading forward into Landon’s bed.

            “What’s happening?” Allan shouted, reaching forward to pull her back up. “Nurse!”

            Michael rushed to the door and waved down nurse Benson. “Something’s wrong.”

            He pushed his way into the room and knelt at Mary-ann’s side. “We need to get her out of here, now.” He ran to the adjacent room and returned with a bed. “Help me get her on here.”

            I’m unsure of its madness, or its miracle.

The weightless body of a woman who’d lived a full life being pushed on a gurney, the frantic cry of her husband as he slowly trailed behind. The sound of a young boy’s heart monitor gained strength, a war drum thundering as if an army were approaching.

            Was it in some way a trade? Or, was it her final gift, the last of her strength rolling from her like beads of sweat into his fragile bones?

            Thinking quickly, I took Mary-ann’s wheelchair and caught Allan before he reached the door. “Sit, we’ll get there faster.” People moved aside as we marched down the hallway. A silence fell over us, similar to the way the city sounds when you listen to everything all at once. The bodies of nurses, doctors and patients became a blur.

When we reached the emergency room, Mary-ann lay still on the bed, her shirt cut down the middle and pads placed around her chest. Allan reached forward, helplessness dripping from each finger, his eyes an empty well, having shed his last for Landon.

“Is she...please. Not like this,” he said, his words tearing within his throat.

Nurse Benson stepped away from the bed.

“Nurse,” I said, trying to hold Allan in the chair.

“Let’s get you into the hallway.”

“No, I should be in there. She needs me.” Allan pushed my arm away, grinding his teeth

viciously.    

“Mary-ann is in the best hands right now. Let’s go into the hallway and I can try and explain what happened.” Nurse Benson was finally able to calm him, guiding Allan back into the wheelchair and into the hallway.

“Is she dead?” Allan asked, tearing at his shirt.

“No. Thankfully she was already here at the hospital. She suffered a massive stroke, and in her condition, we also believe it triggered a major heart attack.” He ran his hand through his hair, exhaling deeply. “Your wife is the strongest woman I’ve ever met. They were able to stabilize her for now, but she’ll need emergency surgery if she’s going to survive much longer.”

Somewhere deep in the belly of his soul, Allan found a pocket of tears. “Do whatever it takes,” he said, a mountain of sorrow rushing from his eyes. He fell back in the chair, the pain making it impossible for him to move.

“I’ll stay with him. You should call the family.” Nurse Benson’s attempt at comfort within those words was valiant, his eyes gentle, his forehead wrinkle with compassion and his chin pushing up toward his lips.

As I walked back down the hallway, the world around me came crashing in. The sounds of shouting, the clang of hospital carts, and the smell of sickness was overwhelming. Disoriented, I stumbled my way outside and for the first time, with hands clenched and throat dry, I broke.

No, I shattered.

I could feel every part of my body falling away as I fell heavily into the brick pillar. Unbeknownst to me, but eight years of grief was tearing me in every direction. I had never truly said goodbye to my father. I had been trying to hold onto something that was no longer there.

As I sobbed, with the timid faces of onlookers walking by, I was reminded of that line in the poem Allan had shown me. The best of me is gone. And I was reminded of my pursuit to prove it wrong. With my body shaking, and tears rushing down my face, I took a deep breath, allowing the relief to wash over me as I finally said goodbye to my father.

Standing, I pulled my phone from my pocket, wiped my nose with the sleeve of my shirt, and called Prince.

“What do you mean?” I could hear the terror in his voice.

“It’s what I was told. I’ll call Aaron, but you should get here as quick as you can.”

My feet slid across the floor as I made it back to where Allan was sitting. “Aaron is on

his way,” I said, falling into the seat next to him. “How is she?”

            Nurse Benson shook his head, his eyes drifting toward the ground. “She’s still in surgery.”

            “Landon,” Allan said suddenly. “She would want someone to go check on him.”

            I volunteered, leaving my phone with Allan in-case Aaron tried to call.

            Landon’s room had a glow of promise as I walked through the door. His parents stood together, their arms in a tangle listening to the doctor.

            “Compared to his condition this morning, he seems to be doing much better.” The doctor wrote something on his clipboard. “We’ll continue to monitor his progress, but this is a very good sign.” Nodding, he turned and left the room.

            Landon’s color was slowly coming back, his bones lessening their tension. Sherry looked at me with eyes that were filling with life, her smile faint, but present. “He’s coming back,” she said. Exhaling, she sat, her head falling back on Landon’s lap.

“What happened to Mary-ann?” Michael asked.

“She suffered another stroke and they believe this one may have triggered a heart

attack. She was rushed into surgery.”

“Oh, no.” Sherry stood again, wrapping her arms around Michael’s neck.

“When can we see her?” he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I can’t imagine it would be any time soon, but Allan asked if I

would check in on Landon. It’s what Mary-ann would have wanted.” I walked slowly to the bed and laid my hand gently on his forehead. His skin was still warm from the fever, but his breath was strong.

“Allan will be pleased to hear he’s doing well.”

“Tell him that we will be by to see Mary-ann the second she comes out of surgery,”

Sherry said, wiping her face with the sleeve of her shirt.

“I will.”

I paused in the doorway to listen to the sound of his heartbeat, the raging army charging

into battle. A fight to stay alive, to be victorious, to change the world.

I met Aaron in the hallway as I made my way back to the emergency room, with Andrea following close behind.

“How did it happen?” he asked, tugging on my arm.

“We were in Landon’s room. Your mother was praying over him when suddenly, she

collapsed.” We took a left down another hallway, passing by a pregnant woman, and a teen holding an icepack to his head. After another left, we pushed through a set of double doors and found Allan speaking with a doctor.

The doctor held his mesh hat in his hand and it looked as though he was shaking his head, his face pinched solemnly.

“What do you mean she might not wake up?” Allan asked, grasping the doctor’s coat.

His strength was gone and his words disappeared as they reached his lips, like an echo falling down a well.

            “Sit dad. Please,” Aaron said. He stood at his side and gingerly placed him back in the wheelchair.

            “We were able to repair the collapsed valve in her heart, but unfortunately, she may not be strong enough to survive the recovery.” The doctor let his arms fall to his sides. “I’m terribly sorry.”

            “Can we go see her?” Aaron asked.

            “Yes, of course. Follow me.” He led use through a pair of swinging doors and into the recovery room. Blue curtains hung from the ceiling separating patients from each other. Nurses huddled near a small computer drinking coffee and looking over charts.

            Allan reached for her hand, kissing it gently, and cupping his face within her palm. Andrea nestled her head into Aaron chest, her arms wrapping around his waist.  

            As odd as it may seem, and the simple fact that I had just said goodbye to my father; I felt him there, an arm draped over my shoulder like when I was young boy admiring a science project we had worked on together. And as I looked down at Mary-ann connected to all the equipment, I knew, that if this was the end, I could help them say goodbye as well.

 

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            Mary-ann’s heart continued to beat hours into the night and they moved her to her own room. I offered to ride with Aaron to the airport to pick up Prince and his family, while Andrea stayed behind with Allan.

            The night air was cool, and a soft breeze floated through the folds of my shirt. The sky sparkled white on a black canvas, displaying the universe in its full glory.

As we climbed into his car I noticed his dashboard was covered in small, white slips of paper. My eyes went from them, to him, and back to them.

“You were right,” he said as he turned the key.

“Right about what?”

“This wasn’t about acknowledging her going away. It was remembering that she was still

there all along. And these papers remind me of that each and every day.”

I leaned forward and read the nearest one. My son fell off his bike and you were there to blow on his knee and tell him everything was going to be alright. It also helped that you had a superhero bandage. Thank you, Mama.

Inspired, I reached into my pocket for a pen. Tearing off a page of my wallet note pad, I wrote one of my own. Because of you, I was able to finally say goodbye to my father. Because of you, I look at the world through a different lens, admiring the talents of those around me, and sharing the talents I have with those in need. Thank you, Mama. I love you.

I handed it to Aaron and he read, nodding his head.

The rolling tires were the only sound that invaded the air inside the car until we parked at the airport. Aaron unbuckled his seatbelt and let out a weighted sigh, letting his head crash heavily into the headrest. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

After a long pause, I said, “But we are all doing it together.”

            Prince and his family were waiting outside the terminal as we were walking up. “I tried calling both of you.”

            Aaron and I felt our pockets, gasping at the realization. “I left mine with your father hours ago in case anyone called.”

            “And mine is in Andrea’s purse. Sorry.” Aaron stepped in and wrapped his arms around his brother.

            “Is she…”

            “No, she’s still alive.” Aaron stepped back, his hands still gripping Prince’s shoulders. “The doctor said she’s stable, but she may never wake.”

            “Can she still hear us?” Prince asked, a touch of pain tugging at his words.

            Aaron’s arms fell to his sides. “There’s no genuine answer to that, but we are going to talk to her either way.”

            “Yeah, of course.”

            After greeting each of them, I took Elizabeth’s bags and they followed us to the car.

            “You said something about the kid on the phone Sal?” Prince said as we reached the highway.

            “Yeah. He had gotten really sick after his treatment. We were all in Landon’s room supporting his parents. I sat off to the side, taking notes for the book when Mary-ann collapsed. No one realized it until I said something and within minutes she was being rushed to the emergency room.”

            “And the boy?” Prince said, turning around in the front seat. “Is he alright?”

            “The last I checked, he was gaining strength and starting to recover.” I shook my head, looking out the window at the stars. “I’ve said this before, but I swear those two have some sort of connection. Like they were meant to find each other.”

            “How do you mean?” Isaiah said.

            “The more time they spent together, the better Mary-ann got. But when Landon got sick, it was as if she sacrificed herself to save him. I know it sounds crazy, but…”

            The car fell silent, as if contemplating the idea that it might be true. She was that kind of person after all.

            When we arrived back to Mary-ann’s room, Sherry and Michael were standing outside with Andrea.

            “Is everything alright?” Aaron asked as we approached.

            “Yes,” Andrea said. “Nothing has changed. We just thought it would be a good idea to give your father some time alone with her.”

            Prince peeked through the window. “I’m going to go in and see her.” The door opened with a faint squeak.

I watched through the window. Prince bent and embraced his father, then walked to the other side of the bed and sat. After a short while, we could hear the muffled sound of Amazing Grace. Prince swayed back and forth, his mother’s hand in his.

            “You should be in there too,” I said, nudging Aaron forward. As he walked in, I took a seat on the floor of the hallway, my knees tucked into my chest, the weight of a thousand days rolled all into one.

Two days later, Michael rolled Landon in his wheelchair through the double doors and into Mary-ann’s room. Paul, Carol, Stacey, Luke, Aaron and Prince were there as well, holding hands and singing. Allan rested his cheek on Mary-ann’s shoulder, gently humming into her ear.

            Flowers brought by community members covered the floor, and from the ceiling, hung hundreds of letters.

            Michael pushed Landon beside her bed. In his lap was her snow globe, the specks of white floating weightlessly beneath the glass. With tears in his eyes, Landon set the snow globe by her feet, then sat back and listened quietly for the song to end.

            I stood in the doorway and felt a light tug on my shirt. Turning, I found Katrina standing with a small vase of white roses. “Thank you for calling,” she whispered, planting a kiss on my neck.  

Nodding, I hung my arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close to feel her warmth.

As the song faded, Allan lifted his head, his eyes glistening with tears. “Thank you all for being here. Our family is the most important thing in this world.” He waved Landon over and lifted him onto his lap. “Is there anything you would like to say to her?”

Landon thought for a moment, rubbing the back of his scalp. “I’m glad I met you. And, I hope you’ll find a real treasure one day. I love you Mama.” He fell back into Allan’s arms, wrapping himself around his neck and whimpering.

One day he would realize that her real treasure were the people standing in that room.

            On the fourth day, we listened as the ring of Mary-ann’s heartbeat eventually faded to nothing. She never woke, her hands folded over her waist, her body calm, like she was floating on the water’s surface. But just as she entered this earth, she left it, with her lips tightened in a thin line.

A smile that would carry on for generations to come.