A Letter to the Clouds

in the eyes of a young boy who lost his other half

Dear Henry,

 

  It’s Thomas, just making sure you still remember me since you moved so far away. It’s been lonely here without you buddy, I‘m one player short on the kickball team. No one could take your place on third base, believe me, Derek’s tried and we’ve lost game after game because of him.

 So, how is it where you are?

Walking home from school everyday is boring without you and your jokes on Mr. Laner or how you beg me to let you cheat off my math homework.

 It’s also lonely at home with nothing else to do, but people tell me your having a great time, and that everything is perfect.

 I hope so.

I hope that when you get this message you could come down sometimes and visit. We could go to the hangout by the river, our friends don’t want to go there anymore since you left, but that’s okay with me. It could just be me and you to climb Hightower Oak, catch frogs in the reeds, or just hang if you want.

 I go there every once in awhile and guess what? I climbed that ravine you found just a few weeks ago! It’s amazing! You wouldn’t believe all the sights I saw.

 Just above the ravine is this cliff where I found the perfect place to play Hidden Treasure or Bandits. I sat up there for hours just watching squirrels fly by in the trees, I even saw that bird you told me about once. I don’t remember it’s name, but I do recognized the markings you describe for me.

 There’s a whole nest of them and I can’t wait to show you when you get back!

 Truth is I miss you, yeah and don’t let that go to your big head of your’s ether. This has to be the longest we’ve ever been apart.

 People always said that twins have the ability to feel or hear what the other one is thinking, but I know now that it’s not true.

 Because if it was I wouldn’t feel as lonely as I do now.

Do you remember when you helped me defeat the monster under my bed or when we would tell each other stories when one of us couldn’t sleep, and whenever I went to the bathroom at night you were the one in the dark corner, waiting for me to pass before you would jump out and scare me.

 Mom always told you how it was wrong to scare me but once her back was turn you always wore that grin.

 Our room feels so cold and empty since your gone, there’s no one there snoring in the opposite side of the room. There’s no one arguing over the toy in the cereal box or who gets the bathroom in the morning.

 Even our friends won’t talk to me anymore, it’s always strange silence between them ever since you left. They treat me like some kind of nobody, all because you left.

 You know Mommy is still very sad and Dad hardly ever talks anymore after the car accident.

 Why did you give up?

I was there by your side the whole time in the hospital, talking with you even though the doctors told me you couldn’t hear or even talk back. But that didn’t matter, you were still the same brother I knew, just taped up with tubes and wires.

 I was standing there beside you the day your heart quite beating, and I’m still surprised you slept through my screaming and the loud shrill of the machine.

 Did you not like it here? Is that why you decided to leave? Was I not a good brother?

 When ever I ask somebody those questions they always say “No, no. Of coarse that’s not the reason he left.”

 But I want to know your answer. I want to know why you left me here all alone.

 You’ve left me an empty room, a empty cereal bowl that I always put out for you, an empty seat on the bus, and a empty heart.

 People say we’ll meet again, but when I ask they never say the day. So could you come home soon? I want to see my twin brother.

 I want to feel my world whole again.

 

        

                                Thomas.

　

　

 

 

 Thomas folded the letter neatly three times before placing it in the envelope. He looked to the clock before running quickly outside.

3:29 Just enough time to make it to the mailbox. He thought.

 And just as he expected a man clothed in a striped shirt and blue shorts started walking this way up the sidewalk.

 Thomas waited patiently as the mailman took his time before reaching their house.

 He was a nice old man and there were many days in the summer when he stopped by and talked to the twins.

 “Hello, there Thomas.” The mailman greeted. “Are you here waiting for a toy you ordered?”

 Thomas shook his head. “No, sir.” He replied, hand his letter to the man. “I wanted to see if you could deliver this for me.”

 The mailman took the letter from the boy, taking a good look at the address written shakily in pencil.

 “To Henry Calton. Up in the clouds.” The mailman read out loud. “Walking besides Jesus.”

 Thomas nodded to confirm this. “It’s for my brother. Do you think you could take it to him?”

 The mailman squatted low to meet at the boy’s eye level, giving a smile he said sincerly.

 “I’ll see what I can do.”

Author's Note

this was just a story on my mind

tell me if i made any mistakes and if i need to improve anything

okay so i've tried to make the boy's age somewhere in the seven range but still (as some have kindly pointed out below) something doesn't click
so if there's a piece in here that's akward for a little boy, please don't hesitate and tell me.
thank you for reading!


(and no my mailman is NOT a psychopathic killer. he just a nice mailman) :)

Reviews

[Susanna F]

This is really beautiful. The only thing that you may want to edit for is the age. My son is five, and though he may use big words in speaking, his writing is much simpler. I know he would never use the phrase "devious smile." But don't give up on this - it is really touching. I was surprised to find it, since my book is about the death of a twin, and the theme is on my mind lately.

[Tai Ryens]

That was so sad, I swear, but I smiled through all of it. His misunderstandings are quite cute, seeing as how he took "Seeing him again" the wrong way. It really is sweet how much he misses his twin brother. I couldn't put my finger on how old he was though, at times, he seemed to be only five, but his knowledge is far past that age.
Great write. Keep it up!

[Summer D.]

Oh god, are you trying to make me cry?
I had a feeling his brother was dead... This was really, really, really sweet.
Little kids are just.. such believers. It's admirable. They have so much faith.
How old is he though? He speaks - sees Allen's post - Haha. She beat me to it.
He seems wise beyond his years. I think if you toned down the language a bit it'd be much better.

This was fantastic. :D

[A. L. Allen]

Aww, this is so bitter-sweet. I absolutely loved it! :')

I saw a couple grammatical errors which are easily fixed with a re-read, so I won't point them out. However, I did have trouble pin-pointing exactly how old you wanted Thomas to be. At some moments, his voice in the letter sounded young, which I thought was very appropriate for the story, but then in other parts it seemed as if he was older, more like twelve or thirteen. Try to think of the exact age you want him to be, and then envision exactly how a boy of that age talks and acts. After you do that, I think it will help out in keeping voice of the story consistent.

Other than that, very nicely done. I really loved this story.