I Miss Her

 

Bring the stars with you when you come.

We miss you.

My world's such Hell.

It's been so long, your face in the sky.

Can you hear me calling you as I cry?

You essence covers me, I live off your memory,

And it thrives here, in this mind, this soul.

Send me what keeps you going when all seems lost.

I'll hold on to your secrets at any cost.

Will yous till hold me when I see you again?

There is nothing I want more my friend.

I hope your watching from your favorite cloud right now.

I'll look to the sky forever just to see your face.

Are you missing me too?

Here without you i am at a loss of spirit.

You took me when you left.

This shell is only my hollow disguise.

Filling with new hopes to praise your name.

Forever you and me.

 

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

Hello person,

This may sound harsh, but I feel this poem loses its way very early. It becomes very simple and has lines like "My world's such hell" or "Forever you and me."

I think a line like "Bring the stars with you when you come" is a great line. Even if you just had one line like that for each line that was like "We miss you." We miss you is a simple line but after something like the first line, it feels like it has merit.

Again, the favorite cloud part is cute. I like, but a lot of this seems very bland due to how you worded it. There is a lot of emotion, but some of the words aren't expressing it.