Trimmings

What is it
in you
that causes me to
change?
As the locks fall
to the ground,
So does my
ill will toward you.

Cutting is
cathartic
on this day I can’t
help but remember what you
said to me last time.

“It is your
eyes that I
cannot resist.”
But looking into your
flecks of green,
I didn’t see you
meant for now.

You let my
brown curls
grow and
grow.
All that remained
of me were
dead ends
of pointless hope
The word
emancipation
holds me now.

I watch my
split strands
float to the floor
soundlessly and gentle.
Their gravity
barely even known
by them.

The shearing helps me
see again.
Strangled by
tangles before,
the light is
unadulterated.

I wish to blame
the coif for my
frustration
though we both
were passengers
down the
disjointed road.
Neither surviving
unchanged.

As it falls,
I feel the
lightness on my
once heavy
head.
The voices have
subsided.
You lie
in a pile of
hair on the
floor.

Reviews

[Mark Pearce]

A relationship entirely framed by the drift of falling hair.

A great concept. The "release" in the poem was also important, to show action within the body of the work.

[Albert Freeman]

I love this poem. The images of the hair being cut symbolizing freedom and getting out of a relationship in which the person grew to not know themselves is very powerful.

[Pema Dorje]

some people can just melt us with a gaze ... simply writ with a nice flow and feel ... write on, savesthedaynj

I really liked this poem. I liked the imagery of falling hair and letting go. I can't wait to read your other poems.

[Rhonda]

This is amazing. Strangely, I can relate to the metaphor of the hair. Once having extremely long hair cut off, I was able to understand what the speaker was going through.

At first I did not understand that "locks" meant hair. Maybe that was just a brain lapse on my end, but it's something to think about.


Great Job!!

-Rhonda

[Jaime Luthe]

I really enjoyed this piece. Great description! Welcome to Writerscafe! I cant wait to read even more of your work!!

PEACE n INK

[Kenji Light]

I love the way you use hair as a metaphor for the past relationship. I love how you are making the change, making the decision to move onward. I love the subtle way that you imply things in this piece also. You seem to be quite a fan of subtle hints at your meanings. I admire that talent of yours because I am someone who likes to be blatant, loud, and obnoxious. I especially love how you say that the shearing helps you see again, because that to me represented being able to set new goals and reclaim a former identity or to at least recognize and continue from this new hybrid identity. You can now press onward because of the positive alterations caused by the negative changes. I also love the double meaning you used for gravity. The weight and the seriousness of it. I believe that split ends can also be applied to the break up. I think that you are a very clever poet and quite deserving of a gold star.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Nice flow, great stanzas. This is very well
written. I don`t pretend to understand the
symbolism in the cutting hair, gazing into eyes
and a few other things, but that is my shortcoming
and has nothing to do with the writing.

This is very well written with an economy of words
that is enviable.

Thank You !

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Cdnsurfer]

Interesting flow you have going here. I like the short lines, which seems to slow down the read so we read it in short breaths. Reflective and melancholic. Cutting away the sadness piece by piece, to lighten the load weighing ego down. Nice metaphor.

Some suggestions (use it if it makes sense, or toss it if you don't like it) to change the stresses:

What is it
in you
that causes me
to change?
As the locks
fall
to the ground,
so does my ill will
toward you.

Cutting is
cathartic
on this day
I can't help
but remember
what you said
last time.

"It is your eyes
that I cannot
resist."
But looking into your
flecks of green,
I didn't see you
meant for now. ---> not sure about these last two lines...

You let my
brown curls
grow and
grow.
All that remained
of me were
dead ends
of pointless hope
The word
emancipation
holds me
now.

I watch my
split strands
float to the floor
soundlessly and gentle.
Their gravity
barely even known
by them.

The shearing helps me
see again.
Strangled by tangles
before the light is
unadulterated.

I wish to blame
the coif for my
frustration
though we both
were passengers
down the disjointed
road.
Neither surviving
unchanged.

As it falls,
I feel the lightness
on my once heavy head.
The voices have
subsided.
You lie
in a pile of hair
on the
floor.

Well done.

[MistyJRose]

I enjoyed the way you describe this, and how cutting your hair cuts away the end of a bad relationship, which is what i get from this. I actually never thought of it that way. Nice touch. Great job on writing the poem. Hope you post more to read.