My Haven Of Hope

When my days are rough,
And it all seems tough,
I wish you to be the shoulder,
That I can lean unhesitant, un-deviated pon'

When nothing seems alright,
And life's no more an extreme delight,
I want you to be the Shoulder,
That I sob it all, off and away on

When all life shows,
Is distrust, and disgust,
I want you to be the Shoulder,
I can find hope on

When I'm lonely in the crowd,
Of the otherwise caring people,
I want you to be the Shoulder,
That reflects endearence pon'

When I'm shaken with life,
It's injustice, it's strides,
I yearn you to be the breeze,
Who perceives me in my silence,
When no one will often not.

When I'm a deeply neglected person,
In the list of people I've been revered often,
I yearn you to be the soul,
that'll be dominant, perseverant.

When I feel uncared, rejected, dejected,misunderstood,
I want you to be the one,
I can anyways, always still count on.

When no one and nothing seems alright,
I want you to be anything and everything
That gives me a reason to smile...and pass it on.

Author's Note

All Your reviews, feedbacks and positive criticism are most welcome.
Also, please suggest me a better title to this poem , if you've anything better than the one it has currently.

Thank you for stopping by, and going through my words.I really appreciate your time you spent going through my words:)
Do let me know if you liked it.
Happy reading and writing!

-Saumya.

Reviews

[Dorian]

I loved this one, really nice.

[JayG]

Without going into the poem, there are things that need to be addressed, so far as prosody and flow.

Such as:

Stanzas 1 and 2 have rhyming structure of AABC But in S3 it’s ABCD with an internal rhyme on L2. And s4 is ABCD with no rhyme. But readers expect consistency.

And so far as prosody,

S1: L1=3 feet, L2=3, L3=3, L4=8.
S2: L1=3 feet, L2=4, L3=3, L4=5.
S3: L1=2 feet, L2=3, L3=3, L4=2.

Again, readers expect consistency stanza to stanza.

There’s a lot to metrical poetry that’s not obvious till it’s pointed out. And the very best I’ve found at doing that can be found in the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon.

He makes it so clear that he’ll have you wondering why you never noticed it, yourself.

[Sami Khalil]

Good, positive vibes are emitted for all to feel and share; lots of goodness to go around that will benefit all.